Cash gift from parent - sharing with spouse

How low is his wage that he thinks you should give him spending money even though all of his income is already kept for himself seeing as he doesn't have to pay any bills?

It sounds like you already share your money with him and it is likely this money will benefit him in the future anyway (maybe it will go to another holiday or home improvements for example).

Have you any IDEA how rude you are, telling someone that their relationship "isn't actually a marriage"?
What works for you may not work for other people. We're all different. Having pooled money for joint expenses and separate for everything else works for millions of people - you're not one of them, fine, but there's no need to be offensive about it.

This ⬆️ Honestly I cannot wrap my head around married couples penny pinching on everything. Just put it all in one pot and enjoy your lives together.

Starfeesh
My thoughts exactly, talk about having your cake then ice-cream!

What the feck? He is being cheeky and downright selfish about this. Give him £100 and tell him to get himself a little treat. Probably misses his salary if he was the breadwinner back in the day.

If the intent of the gift giver was to pay for the trip then it's not unreasonable that you get to decide where that money goes now it's generously been given back.

That being said, if it were me, I'd think of the money being spent and being gone. If it were gifted back, I'd view it as "different money" and probably share. That's why I'm poor though.

He's had his little treat. A free holiday. All that's changed is who paid for it for him. He's now asking you for money to treat himself again.

You would be raging if money given to cover the cost of a trip replenished the savings account the trip money came from, therefore covering the cost of the trip?
Shared finances doesn’t mean everything is split in half and spent. What a weird outlook.

Absolutely great until the man leaves with all the money as per 10 million previous posts in this very website

Thats some CF loser you having living off you OP.
Be very very careful.
Fool me once and all that!

I pay for big things in our marriage like holidays and cars. I want 3 or 4 times DH and whilst I’m not bothered he didn’t want to feel like he was taking “my money” if we pooled it all so we split it in a way that suits us. It’s not that hard to work out.

The relative gave the money to cover the trip, so presumably it’s gone back into the travel pot (or however you budget) so there’s no additional money to spend in my eyes? That’s not about a yours/mine mentality as a lot of posters seem to be insinuating as I’m assuming the next spend from the travel pot will cover both of you, it’s about budget allocation.
Is he a bit shit with money generally @Dexysmidnightstroller? It sounds like if you didn’t control the finances he’d have no pension or savings! I have a friend like this, they know they are a financial liability so have agreed with their OH that they have no ability to spend beyond a certain limit and all the essentials are done as salary sacrifice otherwise they’d just spend it all on day 1.

Nope if they're both working and one partner keeps all their earnings and the other pays for everything including holidays and their parent reimbursed them for their expenses for coming to see them, I think it's fine for that person to keep the money and do what they see fit with it regardless of gender. The other person has their entire wage and no expenses to do whatever they like with, so it isn't like op is financially abusing them. Op isn't stopping her partner from getting a better job, if he wants more money he can go earn it and maybe start contributing to the household

Since he is basically living for free, if he wants more spending money I suggest he gets a second job.

This was for a specific purpose - to reimburse the trip which the OP had paid for, so it goes back into the OP's account as far as I am concerned.

But even if it had just been a gift, it's the OP's relative so it's the OP's gift. It's like an inheritance. What you do with it is up to you.

Sorry for the typos.

Even in a smaller wage he should be able to contribute something. Is all his money going towards fun/wants/ his savings? I can't believe you pay for his travel and 100 percent of his expenses and he still wants more. Does he pay for food or dny bills?

I also question why you got married and agree that if the sexes were the other way around, you'd get more YABU. It would depend on if he was trying his best, earning as much as he could, if on less hours doing more in the house and what he wanted the money for. It should be a discussion, not you controlling everything.

@Dexysmidnightstroller sorry op but do you think you have gotten yourself into a similar situation again. ?What would happen if he decided to divorce you tomorrow ?
Where would this leave you financially .

I think you may be storing up problems for the future, OP. Because his life is so easy now, there is little incentive for him to improve his financial position. Over time that dynamic can shift expectations, particularly if one partner consistently earns more and carries most of the long-term financial planning. Is he paying into a pension, or is most of his income effectively just 'spends'?

What happens if you retire or become unable to work? Is the plan for both of you to live on your pension and investments? If so, that places a heavy burden on the provision you are building now. What's the point of building it up if you are going to be running it down twice as fast? Surely the plan is to have a sustainable stand of living in retirement/ a safety net. Hard to do if you end on half of the pooled funds you could have had when it could have been avoided. At the very least he should be contributing to a pension, don't push the financial risk can down the road to a point in life when there are far fewer healthy years left to earn that money back.

I totally understand why you would be cautious given your past experience, but then why on earth enter into a financial partnership with someone i.e. marriage? You could easily lose at least half of everything. It seems crazy to me that most people get legal advice when buying a house, when writing a will etc but not when getting married. For most people marriage is the biggest financial commitment they will ever make and many/most go into it more or less blindly.

Agree tbh, share it all in our house. I wouldn’t want to be in a tit for tat marriage. It would have come out of a joint acc in the first place.

Couldn’t have put it better myself….greedy….x

I’d generally share a large financial gift with my DH, however in this instance, where you’re being reimbursed for this specific trip, I’d put the money back into whatever pot it came from. Probably the future holiday fund.