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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cash gift from parent - sharing with spouse

281 replies

Dexysmidnightstroller · 04/03/2026 10:48

For various reasons I’m currently the main breadwinner and paying all bills. We do ok, fortunate to have paid off the mortgage, and balance having nice but not extravagant holidays with saving for retirement.

We recently went on an overseas holiday mainly to visit an elderly relative of mine. We did lots of other things too but that was the main reason for the venue and we ensured we spent a lot of time with her. At the end, without asking and as a complete surprise, she insisted on a really generous gift of ££ as she wanted to pay for our trip. We absolutely never expected or asked, but accepted the gift (she is comfortably off and is known for generous help to my siblings as well).

As I’d already budgeted and paid for the holiday I put the gift into savings/investment. DH has whinged a bit, saying it was a gift to “us” with the implication that he should take half and do what he wants with it. AIBU to point out that I paid for the holiday and my relative was theoretically reimbursing it, so if I decide it should go into savings that is up to me? (And by the way be grateful for the free trip and for our future financial stability?)

IANBU = I was within rights to decide what to do with the gift
IABU = he was entitled to his half of the windfall

OP posts:
Pureclass · 04/03/2026 10:54

We would share.
But our money has been 100% pooled since we were married. Over the years much more generosity has come from my family over his but we still put it into the one bank account.
There's no stipulation on personal spending, within our budget obviously- though we do tend to run purchases over £100 past each other. We should probably change that as its been the same amount for 20 years and £100 was worth a lot more in 2006

Starfeesh · 04/03/2026 10:53

So he wants a free holiday AND a handout from your elderly relative?

firstofallimadelight · 04/03/2026 10:53

What’s your set up is it completely separate money? What does your dp do with his income? I’d say give you paid for the holiday the money is yours. Had he paid half it’s more debatable

Agix · 04/03/2026 10:52

And this is the kind of ridiculous BS you have to deal with when you marry someone and insist on keeping a 50/50, "mine vs yours" arrangement with the financials.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2026 10:51

Your relative wanted to reimburse you for the trip, so if you paid for it, you use the money to reimburse the cost to the account it was paid from. Had she said “I’d like you to give you some money so you can both treat yourself to something nice” then that would be an argument for you sharing the money, or agreeing on a joint item to treat yourselves to.

CatherineHeathcliffe · 04/03/2026 10:51

Err - it's very clearly your money (although obviously legally its a marital asset and therefore belongs to both of you).

Just tell him you were reimbursed for the trip so it can now be spent on another one at a later date. No further discussion.

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