Cash gift from parent - sharing with spouse

I am a sahm, and if this scenario happened to us in reverse (DH is the breadwinner because I am caring for our children) I would be absolutely raging. But that is because we share all money completely - there is no his money and my money.

I don't understand marriages where money is not fully shared (unless there are stepchildren involved). A marriage is a union. Body, soul, decisions, dreams, money.

For various reasons I’m currently the main breadwinner and paying all bills. We do ok, fortunate to have paid off the mortgage, and balance having nice but not extravagant holidays with saving for retirement.

We recently went on an overseas holiday mainly to visit an elderly relative of mine. We did lots of other things too but that was the main reason for the venue and we ensured we spent a lot of time with her. At the end, without asking and as a complete surprise, she insisted on a really generous gift of ££ as she wanted to pay for our trip. We absolutely never expected or asked, but accepted the gift (she is comfortably off and is known for generous help to my siblings as well).

As I’d already budgeted and paid for the holiday I put the gift into savings/investment. DH has whinged a bit, saying it was a gift to “us” with the implication that he should take half and do what he wants with it. AIBU to point out that I paid for the holiday and my relative was theoretically reimbursing it, so if I decide it should go into savings that is up to me? (And by the way be grateful for the free trip and for our future financial stability?)

IANBU = I was within rights to decide what to do with the gift
IABU = he was entitled to his half of the windfall

That logic doesn’t work because you are judging other people.

Toy could have used that logic on my post.
We don't all think the same, which shouldn't come as a surprise.

It’s none of my business. I’m not the one judging other people.

Neither do you.

I'd be a bit concerned at leaving him a life interest in the house - that means he could absolutely fucking trash it, let it fall apart, do zero maintainance for decades and your kids inherit a massive expense.

That’s because you’re not in a marriage with separate finances. I am. You have no idea how other people’s relationships work.

Weel, it is to me and other PP. You don't have to agree.

I am a sahm, and if this scenario happened to us in reverse (DH is the breadwinner because I am caring for our children) I would be absolutely raging. But that is because we share all money completely - there is no his money and my money.

I don't understand marriages where money is not fully shared (unless there are stepchildren involved). A marriage is a union. Body, soul, decisions, dreams, money.

I’ve made a will, he gets a life interest in the house and then it goes to kids (unless he remarries in which case it goes straight to them). Pensions are divided so he gets a third and the children a third each. Family heirlooms all to the kids. He has said I should leave it all to him and he will pass it to the kids, and that he will protect it from their father. I’ve done what I believe correct

For various reasons I’m currently the main breadwinner and paying all bills. We do ok, fortunate to have paid off the mortgage, and balance having nice but not extravagant holidays with saving for retirement.

We recently went on an overseas holiday mainly to visit an elderly relative of mine. We did lots of other things too but that was the main reason for the venue and we ensured we spent a lot of time with her. At the end, without asking and as a complete surprise, she insisted on a really generous gift of ££ as she wanted to pay for our trip. We absolutely never expected or asked, but accepted the gift (she is comfortably off and is known for generous help to my siblings as well).

As I’d already budgeted and paid for the holiday I put the gift into savings/investment. DH has whinged a bit, saying it was a gift to “us” with the implication that he should take half and do what he wants with it. AIBU to point out that I paid for the holiday and my relative was theoretically reimbursing it, so if I decide it should go into savings that is up to me? (And by the way be grateful for the free trip and for our future financial stability?)

IANBU = I was within rights to decide what to do with the gift
IABU = he was entitled to his half of the windfall

I’ve made a will, he gets a life interest in the house and then it goes to kids (unless he remarries in which case it goes straight to them). Pensions are divided so he gets a third and the children a third each. Family heirlooms all to the kids. He has said I should leave it all to him and he will pass it to the kids, and that he will protect it from their father. I’ve done what I believe correct

No it isn’t. It’s a marriage with separate finances.

He’s on v low wage due to his previous job ending (not his fault, the role vanished). I had very bad experiences with previous partners and £ so like to keep things separate, I just hate discussing money as a result. Yes he gets a good deal - me paying for everything and him keeping his limited £ for himself - but I’m ok with this and have eyes open. But to me it’s a pisstake him wanting a little bonus here. It’s not like I went and spent it on jewellery either, I put it away for a rainy day / retirement.