Dh always miserable on birthday

He did.

But the OP needs to stop making her child and herself the centre of her husband's birthdays.

When someone completely disregards your feelings in favour of their own, it doesn't mean you have to be happy about it.

Is it really too much trouble to smile and say thanks to a young child?

Another woman who puts her own feelings last at the request of her husband, because he knows better than her.

"I don't care how you feel. I want you to paint on a smile because I've gone to all this trouble with the DC.

No thanks.

Another fucker of a man who likes to put a dampener on special occasions. I’ve lost count of similar MN posts like this and have been on the receiving end of it too.

I hate celebrating my birthday tbh but when a child has gone to an effort, any decent person would have the wit to at least pretend to be thankful.

He should have put a smile on just for the occasion, as your intentions were good and your daughter was excited. But then afterwards he needs to speak to you about what he wants for his birthday. Or you need to ask him directly. You both need to have an honest chat and set expectations for next year now and stop this unrewarding charade.

OP, this is one of those threads where we can see EXACTLY what the issue is.

It's his birthday, it would be nice if it was about him and what he would prefer, not what you and daughter have decided he should like and be excited about.

It's actually quite selfish what you are doing, pretending you're doing something great for your DH but really it's for you and daughter.

Why should he pretend on his birthday? why should it be about your daughters feelings? kids need to know that sometimes they aren't always the main character in a situation.

I know you will scoff at these points as you have done with other similar posts, but that doesn't make them any less relevant.

My dh isn’t a big fuss person but he would definitely indulge his kids in singing happy birthday to him. Whilst stil making sure they understand boundaries
I would tolerate it and do a good job of pretending to enjoy it if came from DC entirely off their own bats. But if DH had been telling them it was my birthday and setting up all the faff OP describes himself I'd be really hurt because he's another adult and knows full well how to make my birthday go in the best way possible for me.

It sounds like she's doing it because it's all about her daughter.

Despite the fact the daughter will no doubt be the centre of Christmas, Easter, her birthday, her mum's birthday, mother's day, father's day and every other celebration in the home.

I don’t know every aspect of the ops parenting so can’t comment on that but five minutes birthday fuss does equate a spoilt child who gets everything her way to me.
My dh isn’t a big fuss person but he would definitely indulge his kids in singing happy birthday to him. Whilst stil making sure they understand boundaries

It all seems to be about what you and your DD want - there’s nothing in your posts about what your husband wants or likes.

Or OP could consider her husband's feelings for five minutes on his birthday.

Do you do the cake, balloons etc because you think he'll like it or because you enjoy doing it? If the former, did he used to like that sort of thing? If not, stop doing it!

Very probable!

I think her father will have to explain this as her mother clearly doesn't get it.

And nor is everything about the child.

As a grown woman, the OP hasn't seemed to grasp that not everyone enjoys birthdays and they don't want to do everything her way.

There's still time for her daughter to learn this.

Have you actually asked him though. Cause from your posts it’s all about how excited your DC is to plan it and how much you’d appreciate the effort if it was done for you. No where do you say what his feelings are on the matter

It’s more than not being bothered , he’s saying he feels down on his birthday. I am the same however for a child you plaster that smile on as the issue is that a way a child is wired means that they will think they’ve done something wrong.

So the question to your husband op is what are you doing to address this.

I guess this is a time for you to explain to your daughter that not everyone is like her and that’s ok.

No ask him to consider her daughters feelings for five minutes on his birthday. When your a parent not everything is about you anymore

He's miserable if you make an effort and even more miserable if you don't?

So he's just a miserable person then?

Give it a go and see.

Or better still, speak to him and ask about what HE might want, even if it doesn't align with your daughter's wants.

How do you know? Have you asked or are you just assuming? A card and presents are all that's needed.

How do you know? All you keep talking about is wanting to do it a certain way because of your DD.

Birthdays should be about the person. Let him have the birthday that he wants, instead of expecting him to do some forced happy version of it. Perhaps the expectation of false cheer, is what he finds depressing. It can also be explained to DD that not everyone feels the same about birthdays and if daddy wants a quiet grumpy one, so be it. It's like Christmas and Mothers Day, for example where everyone feels pressured to act a certain way.