Dh always miserable on birthday

She won't bother asking him what he actually wants for his birthday and instead has made her own tradition of shoving a cake and decorations in husbands face when he gets up. Despite saying he's miserable every birthday.

I'd be dreading my birthday too if my own spouse made it all about her wants.

How is he on others birthdays or Christmas Day?

If he’s fine and enjoys events that don’t focus on him then let him just get through it.

If he’s always down, maybe he’s suffering from burnout or has depression.

Mine has been like this for about 10 years. It came to head one year when I'd pushed the boat out a little for him as we were comparatively well off for once, and I'd bought him a couple of things he'd fancied, dc, who were working, did too. I made a cake, nice tea. He sulked like a toddler. Dd especially was really hurt by it. So I dont bother. Of course though, this year, he was ok about it, dd had sent presents, facetimed them all. I'd got him nowt, because hes a mardy arsed twat usually and to be honest he wants for nothing.
Unfortunately because he doesn't care about his birthday he seems to think I don't either, when I do very much. Dont want huge gestures, but a meal out, some spur of the moment flowers or doing something i like without huffing would be nice.

OP has said he is always and has always been like this with birthdays, it's not a recent thing.

FFS, where is it that the OP has 'forced' her husband to do anything? Chryst she just bought him some gifts and her kids did something nice for him, that's all!

As others have said, a birthday is a measure of getting older, and some people don't like acknowledging that.

He might be one of those people who don't like celebrations. It's just his way and I wouldn't be getting too upset by it.

So then a completely irrelevant leap 😂

Hardly! Wasnt with reference to a partner of mine

Ahhh right... so you also forced your partner to do what you want on his birthday and we're surprised that he left? Ok

You have posted this thread @Blackeyedsun asking for opinions, and when people are giving them you're just dismissing them, and being really sniffy.

Fact is, your husband clearly DOES NOT LIKE THE BIRTHDAY FUSS! Especially not when he's just got out of bed, and has got to go to work I couldn't be faffed with this as soon as I wake up. My DH doesn't get my birthday stuff out til we've had our showers, and had breakfast, and woken up properly.

Take the hint. Stop it. Wish him happy birthday when he gets up, and then give him a card and present(s) when he comes home. I HATE a fuss on my birthday and can't wait for it to be over. DH knows this, and just says 'happy birthday love' and gives me a card and a little bundle of presents. I wouldn't want balloons and banners and fuss. People aren't miserable, like your husband isn't miserable. He just doesn't want this ritual every year (which is clearly tedious and annoying to him.)

Accept he doesn't want it, and stop making it about you. You need to tell your daughter that you're not doing the big fuss for her dad any longer as he doesn't enjoy it. She is excited because YOU have pushed it.

Know when to stop.

And if he is as miserable as you are making out, then why are you even with him?

DH was like this on Christmas morning… DS was excited to open his presents, but it took away all the enjoyment for me. With misery-chops just sitting there. I was the one who’d put all of the work in, of course. Bought all the Santa gifts. Wrapped everything. Did the tree etc… And I felt sadness instead of joy. The whole point of Christmas… DS will cotton on as he gets older.

Experience.

But it's his birthday, not yours or your DDs. So surely it should be about him and what he wants, not what you both want his birthday to be?!

A slight aside, but this Christmas I was given the main present I was getting on the day in the afternoon - this was from my parents who I went to visit on Christmas Day, and I had most of my presents with my kids (who were with exh on Xmas day) a couple of days later, also in the afternoon.

Ive realised that I enjoy my presents a lot more if I get them in the afternoon!

First thing in the morning I just don’t feel in the mood to enjoy anything, never mind presents!

My DH is the same - he looks at every present you give him with such disappointment- doesn’t matter what you get. Never wants to do anything special and just goes to bed early. We all go to an effort and the kids don’t understand it, neither do I. His presents just get left the side until I put them away. It’s attention seeking behaviour and I’m sick of it. When it’s someone else’s birthday he sulks!

That's some conclusion you've jumped to 😂

People go on about men being controlling (constantly) but when women try it it is still the man's fault and if he doesn't do what the woman demands he is the one with mental health issues it seems

I dislike my birthday for reasons past and gone… however now I have children I will always celebrate to show them how it should be, and how we make an effort for each others birthdays…. If only my OH had remembered my birthday today 🙄🤪

He’s having an affair. Feels guilty. Wants to be elsewhere

My DH is like this on both Christmas and Birthdays. He has parents who just do not show love and excitement towards anyone or anything. He hated these big occasions growing up and even now when he does get a fuss, he can’t get out of the same mentality. My side of the family still makes a big thing of these days, particularly Christmas and I think it just reminds him what he didn’t have.

How do you come to that conclusion? Is it because OP is assuming that he would be unhappy without a fuss?

This is so important and true. I learnt being with DH he doesn’t want to celebrate birthdays whereas me , I love to celebrate them. Mine and others. It’s a hard to come to terms with at first but after doing a low key birthday once for DH, it took all pressure off for subsequent birthdays and actually made my life easier, one less thing to think about.

Just read OP mentioned her DH would be worse with no effort. I think OP you’re more concerned about your DD going to the effort of making the card etc and him not giving her a big thankful happy reaction. I think you’re hurt for your DD and I think that’s what’s caused this. I don’t think you’re overly concerned why he’s miserable (I don’t blame you) and I see it from your point of view too. I have DC’s and I’d be really hurt for them too, if they had gone to the effort. But I think this is a lesson learnt, do not make a huge effort, keep it really low key and see how it goes. You can’t force him to make a huge reaction for DD, it sucks but she will be OK. It hasn’t seems to affect my DC’s yet that their Daddy is pretty quiet on his birthday. As I said previously the most I do now is chocolate and a card, don’t get wrong I would love to make a huge deal out of his birthday and spoil him, and sing happy birthday with the DC’s make it really fun but my life got a lot easier when I realised that, that wasn’t going to be my reality with him.

Gaslight the child? 🤣
That's a strange conclusion

why is it gaslighting?