Dh always miserable on birthday

This.

There's no way at 7 years old she knows when anyone's birthday is so you're creating this fuss, not her.

Some people just don’t like the fuss, or not first thing, or maybe have a bad memory of birthdays past. You really need to adapt to the person, especially when it’s immediate family!

DD hates anything first thing, she has ASD and it has to fit her routine. She likes to see her gifts are laid out in the living room, will accept a happy birthday hug and then deals with it all after school when she can take her time. In school there is a note on her record that her birthday is not to be mentioned at all. Last year her birthday fell on the day she has something after school and she chose to leave everything until the following day because otherwise it would be too rushed and not fit her preferred routine. So that was what we did.
DS is like a hurricane and will get up early to open his gifts if it’s a school day. He likes attention and fuss, a big badge, recognition in lessons, the whole lot. Also fine.
They’re both teens now, and we do what is going to make them happy, because it’s their day.

Ask your dh what he would prefer. This is meant to be someone you love more than anyone else! If that means doing nothing, so be it.

This ^ Nice to get a few cards but I’d rather be left alone. The OTT with the balloons and singing is pure cringe. If he was miserable last year why force the jollity onto him knowing it’ll make him uncomfortable. It’s his day not yours

I'm 60 in June and, apart from a free Bus Pass as I'm in Scotland, I can't think of anything to be happy about.

Its his birthday he should be allowed to be the way he wants to be i know on here what ever men do is wrong but just leave him be

If you didn't make a fuss your daughter wouldn't have started so leave it he is not a puppet

Good lord

Almost every one of your posts is about your DD.

She needs to learn that not everyone is the same and not everything is about her.

Tell her daddy doesn't particularly enjoy his birthday and that's ok.

@Blackeyedsun would a better lesson for DD not be tha people celebrate differently. Same as we have different customs for Christmas etc. some folks prefer quiet birthdays (cuddles and a movie and a takeaway later in the day) some people like parties and noise and balloons.

she must realise at school some kids are shy and some are extroverts. Open a discussion on this and find compromise with DH. How can his DD show calmed down birthday love?

I hate children having this expectation that things ‘must be so’ and that we can’t voice that we don’t all want the same thing. She needs to learn that it’s ok to speak up for your preferences, boundaries, wants and needs.

just because daddy doesn’t celebrate her way doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

To be honest, I wouldn't want balloons & presents and cake & candles etc first thing in the morning before work. My DH is definitely not a morning person and would hate this. In my experience, mums are much better at putting on a smile and showing enthusiasm for the kids sake (we're conditioned to try and keep everyone happy!) while the blokes are just grumpy if they feel grumpy 😠

I probably would have just given him a kiss and said happy birthday and saved all the other stuff until after work.

No, sorry. I get that people are all different and all that, but what sort of parent makes their child unhappy and uncomfortable by being a miserable tosspot about their birthday? A selfish one is the answer.

Seeing as that’s what you are dealing with, I think PP are correct in saying that despite being only seven, you are probably best off explaining to DD (preferably without using the phrase miserable tosspot) that her dad is unusually bad tempered about his birthday, as she has probably noticed, so from now on, you won’t be celebrating it in a normal way.

That way she won’t be disappointed or be feeling like she’s doing something wrong.

It would affect how I felt about DH though.

Dd is a happy, party type person, I do it for her sake

But it's not her birthday?

!00% agree. I'm not slapping on a huge smile for another person, a child yes but no way for an adult, especially if it's expected that idea can jog right off.

Agree.

Well, for the purpose of this thread, whatever he does (or doesn't do) for the the OPs birthday is irrelevant.

HE doesn't like a massive fuss on his birthday and yet the OP insists he pretends to enjoy it and persists every year.

I don't understand why you would do all of this in the morning before he goes to work either? Just bake a cake (if you and DD enjoy that), get him some pressies and a card and give them to him when he gets home from work?

Agree with others. Both me and DH would absolutely hate this.

He's not "being miserable", he's just not bothered. He probably doesn't understand why there's a fuss about adult birthdays, and I'm with him..... I've pretty much got mine to be completely ignored. Why don't you actually respect his wishes, OP, and dial it down next time?

Each to their own but personally I would cringe inside out if someone sang anything to me. I don't like fuss or attention, it just irritates the fuck out of me.
Haven't done birthdays since 18th and even then just a few drinks with college mates and was wheeled home in a shopping trolley from Tesco. 😂Since then just not interested.
My late mil always used to say "Another year furthur from the cradle and one nearer the grave" she was always a happy person😄

I don't enjoy a fuss on my birthday but I try to be grateful when a fuss is made but much prefer low key. I think if I had balloons, cake and singing before work I wouldn't cope well with it if I'm honest, which is very ungrateful but it is just how I am. I can barely speak until I've been awake at least an hour!

id explain to him it really bout his dd showin her love for him and if he chooses to show displeasure it will hurt her. Also would he prefer an evening fuss? Maybe he’s not a morning person

So if he's not interested, don't celebrate his birthday. It's his birthday, not yours. You can do the fuss on your birthday. I suspect if you ignore his birthday that will suddenly be an issue too, however. Try it and see...

And 7 is plenty old enough to explain that not everyone wants a big celebration, and that some people find birthdays tricky for various reasons. I thought you were going to say she was 3 or 4.

a cup and a t-shirt?

Could it be the gifts that have made him sad @Blackeyedsun?

I find birthdays difficult too and if I'd made that clear to my partner and they persisted in a forced celebration every year anyway I think I'd struggle to put on a grateful face.

Well, ask him? Why would it be worse?

I have no particularly strong feelings about birthdays either way, but what I do hate for any occasion is someone making a 'fuss' in which I'm scripted in as having to look thrilled for the sake of someone else, or it being an 'anticlimax' -- and all that in the morning before work sounds like a lot, especially for a not-morning person.

Tweak it round OP.

Balloons set up night before.
Sing happy birthday with a coffee in the morning.
Presents, cake and anything else after work/school.

If that doesn't work then just accept he's turning into a miserable so and so. And yes, I put a brave face on for my DC too. Hate my birthday but appreciate the effort they've put in because they love me

Do whatever your husband wants for his birthday, if that's nothing, that's fine.
It's important for your child to know that not everyone has to like the same things as her.