Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

51 and feeling great. No HRT as I've been lucky so far in the hormone department. You know when you've got PMT and the world seems awful and then your period starts and something inside you unclenches and the world is fine again? That's what I feel like now, like something has unclenched inside me.

Career-wise, I haven't fulfilled my potential and it's been a bit disappointing, but I have steady work that I find reasonably interesting and pays the bills. I've been single since dd(18) was tiny. She's preparing for a distant university this September, and I feel really positive about the freedom I'm going to have. It feels like going back to my pre-child self.

I've been extremely lucky as regards health. I'm not running marathons like some pps, but I am a keen parkrunner and really like going to different events. I love long-distance walks and plan to get out as many weekends as possible once dd has left home. I have time for my own interests and I feel that my life has scope to reflect the things I like and value. Things might change, but right now, I appreciate this life-stage.

I am about to turn 50. I can't say I ever really had a long-term plan for my life, life just happened, I finished school went to uni, got married had kids but none of it (bar making sure I got a good education) was particularly planned. A lot of it was a kind of a "suck it and see" approach. I met my dh when I was backpacking we were from different countries so tried long distance for a while. My job contract came to an end so I decided I would move to dh and give it a go never really knew if it would or not nor thought too deeply about it, I was early 20s so probably still in the risky stage of living, it worked out we got married and then moved back to my country to start a family, buy a house and "settle down". My kids are now late teens, soon to be finishing school and I feel in a good place, I have been part-time since kids were small so went back and did a masters a few years ago and I now feel ready to move on from current job and try something different. I am also enjoying my freedom again now that my kids are older and kinda looking forward to me and dhs next life stage.

One thing I do reflect on, as I am older, is how much I crammed in particularly in my 20s - finished uni, travelled, worked in 3 different countries, moved country (and then back again), married, bought and sold a house and then bought again and then had a child all in 10 years! I would not be able for that much change now!

I'm in the exercise daily, do yoga, swimming, weights camp (and have done since early 30s)....

...... and feel totally shit.

Tendons keep pulling. On HRT for three years. Still need to go to bed by 8pm, the idea of a having to eat dinner later than 5pm horrifies me. Everything hurts. Diagnosed as hypermobile. Have prolapses and failed prolpase surgery.

Never ending physio. Doctors appts.

On the plus side the testosterone works.

I turn 50 next week. I am loving life.
my career is going well and I’m making money. I have the money and time and freedom to enjoy doing what I want.
and that means partying, and having mind blowing sex with the most amazing man.
menopause not hit too hard and I’m full of energy. not to be too smug tho as in the words of Tom hanks this too shall pass.

Restless legs can often be a symptom of low magnesium (many people are deficient in this mineral but don't realise, and in my own experience it got worse during perimenopause).

I tried loads of magnesium supplements, from oils/sprays (too itchy) and powdered versions. Most effective I've tried is ionic magnesium – absorbed by the body much more effectively and doesn't give you the runs, as some magnesium supplements can.

You can find it easily on Amazon. I've used ReMag or Good State brands. Both bottles last ages (6-9 months). Or you can get ReMag from Botanica Health, if you don't want to buy from Amazon:
https://botanicahealth.co.uk/products/remag-liquid-magnesium?_pos=1&_sid=13206b142&_ss=r

Note: it tastes not great, but it's worth it. I take a couple of drops in a little bit of water and knock it back – take it an hour or so before bedtime if that's when restless legs bother you most.

It's completely resolved my symptoms, and has also hugely helped my heart arrhythmia (which can also be linked to low magnesium). I'm not a medical professional but there's plenty of science out there linking low magnesium to both these symptoms.

Tonnes fitter than ever before, and had an amazing career change. I’m now a yoga teacher. Hot flushes are a pain every evening at 10pm like clockwork, and tiredness can kick in, but I feel calmer in my own body and mind than in other decades. I haven’t fiddled around with my natural hormones since stopping contraception in my early thirties and I think that’s helped.

I got it on a private script (in Australia)

Broadly where I thought, very happy generally but did expect the salary, which is about what I expected, would go further.

Things started to go downhill around the pandemic. I had just turned 40 and due to the pandemic both my husband and I lost our jobs. Soon after the aching and brain fog began. I thought it was just stress related but the symptoms got worse.
After being dismissed by my GP for some time, I was eventually prescribed HRT, but it made no difference and I stopped taking it. I was later diagnosed with CFS/ME and had the coil fitted due to extremely heavy periods. Since then I’ve experienced weight gain, bloating and a reduced libido - after two years of this I want the coil out but I seem to be facing a fight with that too.
My mum struggled badly with menopause and I regret not understanding it at the time, as I thought she was overreacting when she said she was constantly exhausted or in pain.
I no longer feel like myself and have lost all motivation. I need to return to work, but I don’t feel able to cope with how my body is reacting, which is frightening at 47. Due to my CFS exercise can help with the stuffiness of my body but then I will have a flare up which will last for days

This is great and wish I had adopted it TBH.

However, I am trying to re-frame my failures as learning opportunities and the ability to become stronger from them !

I am 45 and divorced (first in family on both my parents' side) but have 2 great kids (both flown the next ) and their dad and I are amicable - get on best we ever have!

I do solo activities (met new people), ran a marathon last year and also volunteer. All things I would never have envisaged !

I am on meds for mental health and have come to terms with I need them (imbalance)

No HRT yet, but won't rule it out.

I am strong physically - gym/run/weights and I am beginning to be kinder to myself and accept myself warts and all :)

I'm about to turn 54 and am starting to emerge from the fog I've been in for the past 18 months by coming off HRT. I honestly think my body just had its fill of hormones after four years on it and I started to experience all the symptoms again that I had at the beginning (and yes, before anyone asks, we did tweak my dose a few times, but I still felt like crap on it). Now I'm letting nature take its course, I'm emerging from menopause with so much more confidence, clarity and far better sleep! My relationship with my long-term partner is lovely and our DD is thriving. Work is a bit of a bun-fire – I'm self-employed and the hustle is becoming a horrible slog that can zap my energy – and my finances could be better, but I feel genuinely happier and content than I have in years.

My mid 20’s DC still come on holiday with us if it’s somewhere good such as China or New York so you may have more holidays together than you think. I found my DC went off family holidays when they were latish teens but now they are very much back into them!

I’ve just turned 50. There is good and bad.

Physically I am finding this stage hard. Menopause is hitting me like a train. Migraines, insomnia, exhaustion, weight gain, flooding, anxiety and the rest. I don’t know where the old me has gone.

But there are a few positives. My daughter is out of the primary school years and turning into a lovely little person. A few years ago I quit the treadmill of Big Law and am so much happier doing something that gives me much more autonomy.

I do feel that time is running out. We have only a few more summer holidays as a family, I expect, before my daughter flies the nest. I resent the fact that the Covid years nixed some of our plans. I am worried about my health failing. I have no diagnosed issues but my mum had breast cancer in her 40s so I know how quickly things can change and the toll they can take. And I have ageing parents to worry about.

I’m mid 50’s and feel healthy. I have lots of friends, interests and hobbies.
I retired 4 years ago and so far so good.
I am a carer to my disabled adult DS and until a couple of years ago was also looking after my DM who is now in a nursing home.
I still manage to travel a lot which I really enjoy.
i have been tanking HRT for about 7 years which seems to work for me.
I have suffered with my mental health in the past but through a mixture of CBT and counselling this is a thing of the past for which I am grateful.

You are definitely not a failure, you are a bloody fighter. You have had a shit hand dealt to you but this is your time now.

No one knows how much time they have so make this next part of your life count as much as the rest.

Just turned 60, the negative is that it feels like it is all speeding up and time feels like it slips away faster. HOWEVER, I feel great in myself, left a demanding and stressful job and retrained for a career I love in my late 40s/early 50s, so I now have my own business and work part-time doing something that challenges and fulfils me. I lost weight and got fitter heading towards my recent big birthday, so I feel youthful, strong and content in my body (much mores than through my 40s and 50s) and keeping myself that way is a primary focus. I am also enjoying the blessing of grandchildren, so I have a new source of joy in my life. Generally life is good and I hope it remains that way for a long (slow) time!

I think it's broader than the health and fitness point and is more generally about whether you prioritise yourself.

I feel like I have got this back in my 40s. Of course I do things for my family but I also prioritise myself

I spend money and time on myself - my fitness, my health, etc. but also going away with friends, spending time on my interests

I don't do everything for my DH and kids - he does half of the work, I am very much not the primary carer/default parent

I don't intend to take on caring responsibilities for my parents - not that I intend to do nothing to help them in their old age but I am not giving up my life to care for them and I won't apologise for that

I think the common thread with posters who are feeling rubbish is that they have prioritised everyone else over themselves

When I was much younger and thought of being 50, I thought I'd be over the hill TBH!

Now I've (just) turned 50, it's great and life is good.

I'm still pretty slim, the fittest/strongest I've ever been, and don't actually look too bad when I'm dressed up with make-up on! My two are at Uni (18 and 20) so we have the flexibility to do exactly as we please - gym, pub, weekends away, seeing friends, although we've been able to do this for a few years now.

I can't see any sight of the dreaded menopause yet (although haven't had a period for a while) and don't feel tired or full of aches and pains like some on here do.

The only stress is looking after an aging mother who although still young for her age at nearly 80, is more and more needy since she's been on her own the past couple of years. Luckily life works that as I've got more free time from the kids, we have the time to see her (and MIL) as they need .s

Still have lots of energy but am genuinely surprised by my old face everyday! I never really expected to be middle aged...

Good luck, I hope you find a solution.

Absolutely the same with the aches! Really bizarre.

Can I ask how old you are to be feeling that men don’t look at you?

Ah I see, that must be hard. I can’t see why it’s not enough to operate! You must be suffering
Maybe your friends had ovaries removed too and haven’t gone on hrt afterwards so no hormones.

I'm disappointed with where I've ended up. I had such great dreams when I was younger (work and live abroad being one of them). I had dreams of being successful in both marriage and career. I expected to be married to a kind man, with children, someone who shared my love of sport. I started a degree at 25, sadly the same year I met my exh, I saw a photo of me on my graduation day and I look so happy and with the world at my feet. Little did I know what was to come.

My marriage was a complete disaster and should never have happened, we should have split years before we got married, my abusive ex took the best years of my life and destroyed not just those dreams (I wasn't allowed them) but that woman as well.

Now at 48, I'm happily single with my cats but I can't help feel that pang of disappointment at what could and should have been. I do an average job, I enjoy it but it doesn't set my world alight. I love going on holiday and still dream about living overseas but I have cats and elderly parents so it isn't likely to happen.

I make the most of what I have though, and am currently studying a new subject which may hopefully help change a few things.

Agree - and I think I smugly thought that by being very active and healthy I would age well.

But it turns out it's largely just LUCK.

I really wish that all the stupid people who say "eat less and move more" would read your post!

I had the same experience as you- I was putting on weight going to the gym 5 times a week. My TDEE is now 1400 so I've basically got to starve myself for the rest of my life just to stay the same weight.