Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

Well no because we are struggling economically far more than I thought.

I was born in the mid 70s, trained and educated and led to expect that if I worked there would be rewards.

The social contract was first broken in the 80s and nothing has improved since. I worked up, got more qualifications and skills and got a professional job that my parents could not have dreamed of but it was not enough to buy the house and garden that they had managed, never mind those that my richer professional relatives had managed. Eventually I had to leave the region I’d worked in and moved to an isolated region where the house prices are lower but the jobs don’t exist: and anyway the rise in minimum wage has cancelled out any possible gain I made from working and gaining experience and skills. Plus successive governments brought right to buy in for those low wage and low skill groups while I was left to struggle in damp private rentals with exploitative greedy landlords.

As a woman I’m back in the world I always knew, of the only options open being whoredom, cleaning, nursing assistant now or teaching assistant rather than nurse or teacher and I certainly will not waste my skills fighting for the right to teach boys on minimum wage.

Culture for women has not improved either, with our worth once again measured on appearance rather than skills and older women far more unwelcome everywhere than they were when I was in my 29s and 30s. I was told them to make way for experienced elders and now to make way for the attractive well-off youngsters (youngsters from my background have nothing). I wish I hadn’t bothered and had been given right to buy as well.

I love this. I love the confidence that comes with age, well done for getting rid of things that bring such negativity and stress.

It’s refreshing to see a positive post.

It’s pretty much what I imagined and worked towards. I had children very young, and knew it would be tough, but also made life choices to make sure I was financially secure and could do the things everyone else does when younger when I was older if that makes sense. Never had a gap year before uni etc. So doing the travelling now the children are adults. Mortgage paid off, work part time, spend several months a year travelling. Quite happily think of myself as career focused and continuing to develop/progress on the one hand, but winding down and reducing hours on the other half of the week. It’s all about balance.

50 now, and only 1kg overweight, the fittest and strongest I have been in my life.

In terms of things I didn’t expect, I guess I didn’t anticipate the brain fog/memory lapses/word finding problems that come with peri. I am perfectly able to laugh at myself and not stress about it. We have a lot of us in the same position at work, so our team meetings are hilarious, but we joke about how as long as one of us can remember it’s all good. Usually one of us does!

I went to see a HRT specialist in the NHS because my GP wouldn't give it. Mum had breast cancer, presumed to HRT and I've had ovarian myself.

GP wouldn't test me for the breast cancer gene, they wouldn't look at studies to see any link between ovarian and breast and HRT. So I went to a different hospital who had a HRT/Gynae/Menopause specialist dept, and they were fine with it and wrote to the GP to allow me HRT. Not only were they fine, they were puzzled as to why GP wouldn't give it. I think a lot of GP's are nervous about it.

Also, I have migraines, sometimes with aura. Never mentioned by GP or HRT specialists.

If you really want HRT, I would see someone who knows their onions?

I am excercising a lot and feel fitter than i expected to at this age (50) as i have a CHD. Kids still very dependant on us but dont mind helping them while they find their post uni feet. No peri yet but know it is coming and already have the thickening waist and weight gain. Finincially secure but wish i could work part time as i have a high pressure job and limited work/life balence but i am def luckier than lots of people and i am aware of this and count my blessings

I'm annoyed at how I seem to have wasted so much time and so much possibility for securing my pension! I'm also annoyed i've let myself go and now am 4 stone overweight. I was a trim 9 stone until I was 38. I'm also super aware that I don't have that long left! As in, I'd love to move to a dream do-er upper but realise that realistically I simply don't have the time to do it up and then enjoy it. It's really irritating!
Health wise, I've got arthritis which is painful and I never thought would happen to me. I used to be slim, blonde, pretty and life was easy. That's all stopped.
Meh. it's not all that is it!

Yes you do sound smug!

im so sorry to hear this. Of course you aren’t a failure, you can’t control your health and it sounds like you have done a fantastic job of your children are doing well in life. I hope your good health returns and wish you well.

Some of us aren’t eligible for HRT due to pre-existing conditions. Examples are post cancer tx, or for myself it is migraine with aura. My GP and gynae don’t feel comfortable prescribing HRT due to this.

I’m stuck using supplements and CBD oil. Would much rather use estrogel.

Yes she is a GP/EM doctor by training. She has a special interest, and extra training in, women's' health and functional medicine and her approach is very much every aspect of a healthy and fit ageing.
Dr Gina Schoeman at The Schoeman Clinic London- I highly recommend her.

I'm 54 next month and deeply, spiritually joyful... as in sooo happy to be here, living life for as long as I have it. I am single with older children (who happen to be my favourite people in the universe so, that helps).
I've always had a pretty tough life since childhood so, in many ways, I'm just really glad to be here and to have my health and to have great people in my life, though I am an introvert (I wish I could change that. At this stage, I accept it). I really enjoy the peace I have in my life presently. I hope it lasts. Life has a way of pulling the rug out from underneath us when we least expect it, so I sort of sleep with one eye open, so to speak.
I've been through a lot these past 5 years. My mum and my brother both died. I learned that my husband (now ex) had been sexually abusing our child which brought with it a massive death of a sort (and a deluge of other emotions and experiences which I won't delve into here). I also had a cardiac arrest from an artery that literally tore while I was out walking my dog- no heart disease or risk factors. It simply happened and I survived. Apparently, stress plays a part ("no shit, Sherlock" applies).
So my experiences these past few years have given me a much broader picture of life and death and this thing called our human experience.

If you've got a pulse and are mobile, and have deep and meaningful love in your life (children, friends, family, pets), and you get outdoors (seriously! Get outdoors), you've got enough good stuff in your pocket to help you with the tricky parts of getting a little older. And there's help and support when it comes to managing peri and menopausal symptoms. In my humble opinion, movement is the best medicine. Move your body. Take a walk. Doesn't have to be crazy. Because of my artery tear, I can't do yoga or swim. I walk. I walk a lot. I always have done and I think this has 100% kept my mental health relatively stable. Finances are an issue for nearly all of us. I scramble with money issues but hey, I eat well and we're warm and safe. That's great fortune itself.

This is interesting, do you think men of similar ages feel the same?

Sorry to read this and your other post, Rummikub. Hoping for some good news for you.💐

This is interesting but probably slightly terrifying if you are under 45!

I had never really considered life in my early 50’s. I had my children young and so I expected them to be living their own lives, and they are. That’s about it!

I had a few months of heavy bleeds and insomnia and night sweats about 5/6 years ago and started HRT. After getting the right one I feel much more balanced. Insomnia started again a few months ago but I started taking magnesium and that seems to have helped.

I exercise, look after myself. I look older but I’ve managed to keep fit and active. Started weight training a year ago and have discovered new strength which is fantastic! I realise I’m lucky that I’ve been healthy enough to do that.

I did not expect my driven and ambitious husband to want to semi retire. But he can financially and has! This has changed the dynamic a bit but is nice. I wonder whether he will be bored soon though!

I work part time in my own business which is enjoyable and makes modest profits which is perfect for me.

Time is short though. Parents are definitely getting frailer and need help. They are late 70’s so I am aware that I’ve got 25 years probably before things start going wrong.

This year has many travels, and gigs and events already booked in. Life is currently for living.

I’m so in awe of me in my 20’s I had so much energy. The energy levels definitely drain as we age no matter how fit and healthy.

Interesting thread.
I've been reflecting on this over the last couple of months. I'm going to be 50 this year.
My life hasn't turned out how I thought it would when I was 21. I went a bit off the rails really. I haven't had a career as such. I haven't had children. I'm not in a relationship although I have had two disastrous long-term relationships. I live in a small flat in a country in central Europe. I'm self-employed doing whatever I feel like doing which brings in enough money to cover bills and food and also to fund my trips to do long-distance hiking or back-country skiing (which is a recent thing for me).

Sometimes I'm content with it and sometimes I'm not. My head's a bit all over the place to be honest. I've just never been able to settle down really.
What I've noticed in perimenopause is that I am way more tired and that it is manageable but I have had to reduce quite a lot of things I used to do. I used to be out nearly every evening playing music and coming back in at midnight. I can't do that anymore. I can manage one or two things a week at most. What I really want to do is come home at about 6 or 7 pm after work and not go out again and sit around reading or doing jigsaw puzzles. It's a major change for me and I've had to get over guilty feelings of "wasting time" or "wasting my life". It isn't a waste of life if my body and mind need it.

I have less patience and it's much more difficult to tolerate other people's behaviour at musical groups and the like. I get irritated beyond reason when people don't practise their parts at home and it all sounds shit and we have to waste time. Or when people don't have the music or it's in the wrong order or when they are talking all the time. Another reason why I've had to reduce it, to avoid me losing my temper!

I'm fine when I'm outside hiking or skiing. All the noise in my head switches off and when I'm out somewhere for a couple of weeks with my rucksack and tent and everything is reduced to the bare minimum I'm at my happiest.
I have noticed I am slowing down though and can't manage as many kilometres as I used to be able to or as much ascent.

Someone upthread suggested that the difference between the people who are content and those who are struggling was exercise but it's not as simple as that. When I'm exercising I'm fine. When I'm not I'm a bit lost and irritable and weepy. Also lots of people I know have exercised all their lives but have developed medical conditions or had accidents and just aren't able to exercise any more. It's not a case of exercising will keep you going. Sometimes your body just can't do it any more.

I am doing a job that a wanted to do as a child in my 20s never thought I would do. It's not a good job not high paid but I am working with books which I love. But I am full time when most of friends do not work at all. I am very tired in the evenings. I would be happier finding the same type of job part time but I want to keep working even though I don't need to financially.

I am on HRT and feel ok but I fell over a few months ago and my back is still hurting.....fear it will forever.

Joining a gym next week as I am tubby.

Im late 40s, single parent, divorced, I have adult children in their 20s living at home, they work but cant afford to move out. We are all happy living together and get along like great friends.
Im unemployed and finding it tough to get a job, its constant rejections, im considering voluntary work just to gain some more experience. I didn't see myself being divorced, however I am happy and happier than I was in a marriage with a very selfish, self obsessed man who always put himself first even before his children, and he honestly never bothered with them. He also never lifted a finger at home. I need a job but apart from life my life is happy, I consider myself Lucky.
I don't date because I don't want to have another child to look after, cook.clean and wait on hand and foot, also I have got used to the single life and its nice to have me' time. I also have a lovely dog who gives me so much love.

100%. I think some people 'push through' and have a dreadful time for no reason. I was almost suicidal with insomnia and anxiety before HRT.

I feel pretty okay in general. I've become very interested in spiritual things, lost both parents, about to leave a very longstanding job, enjoying nature and simple things. Learning to let the small stuff go.
I feel light in spirit, if chubby in body .😀

I could’ve written this, except I would happily stop working now if I could financially. I’m 53.

I think the prospect of 50 looming made me think about what I actually saw as being important in life.
I finally went non-contact with my narc mother and realised what peace was actually like. It's been good to not be constantly on high alert!
I also evaluated things at work and decided what I like doing, and gradually shifted responsibilities so I was doing more of that rather than things I was good at but didn't like doing (and writing that out makes me realise how fortunate I am in my career that I can make these changes fairly easily).
I'm now the other side of 50 and it has definitely given me pause for thought around what I like doing/want to spend my energy on. I've also lost my filter for putting up with rubbish and ridiculousness, which hasn't gone down well in some quarters!

I guess I've never been one for future planning. I can only really live day to day. I think that's partly my ADHD or trauma or maybe my sdd or anxiety? Who knows. But when I was young I didn't think about the future at all.

Now I just kind of fear it so think theres no point thinking about it as the world might just end in a month or something?! Yeah you can see how productive a person I must be on a general day to day level!

I had a period of awful health & menopause issues in my mid/late 40’s. Work was such a slog. I’m now 50 & retired. My health has improved hugely & life is good again. I think work stress contributed to a lot of my issues.

I don’t feel old, at all, I feel the same as I always did. I definitely look older 😁but I feel great and am happy with myself. I appreciate that.

I thought I would feel ancient at this age and want to be young but I just feel like younger people are younger than me, like as in younger years at school. I don’t want to be them.

I am happy. And grateful.

I come to the realization that the world is BS, and we all have our own hamster cage to fuel, I stop looking to others and use my energy in the few things that really matters to me. I'm happy as Larry and I don't fell aging has got me bad yet.
Looking forward to see my kid grow up, the good weather season and to do my hobbies. As you can see my life is boring for many but is exactly what I want.