Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

One thing that all my early fifties friends have witnessed, and has caught us by surprise is the declining health of our parents.

Most turn fifty with both parents still alive, but by mid fifties or sixty, their parent’s health has declined, or they have possibly passed away. Also, you become responsible for them in a way you didn’t envisage - sorting out prescriptions, mobility aids, shopping etc.

Anyone reading this, make the most of the short few years when neither you dc or parents are reliant on you.

I forgot to say ,I'm a long term vegan of years and years ,I eat a lot of tofu and veg and never touch fried fatty foods or cake or junk food .I eat very clean and drink water .plus I take vitamins regularly,high strength ones ..we are all deficant in vitamin d in the UK apparently..and it helps with your mood

Thank you x
I do my best to still find the joy in life. Just every now and then it catches me.

Work helps a lot and working with young people is amazing and takes focus. And my manager is supportive.
im planning on getting the death in service too as I’m worth more dead than alive 😂

I'm nearly 50yo and feel OK ish. Maybe my energy levels aren't what they were but they're not terrible. I keep dabbling with HRT but am not keen so don't take it. I put weight on with it. I don't have any menopause symptoms apart from possible lower energy.

I do have some aches and pains but don't think it's menopause related. Currently have a frozen shoulder which is why I tried HRT again recently but it didn't help. I do have a bad back but always have done and have a non age related reason for that.

I still get down the gym a few times a week, have a full time fairly demanding job. DC are grown and left home. I don't go running/cycling like I used to and feel I ought to get back into that.

I replied earlier,about my weight loss .
But I swim every day except Saturday..I'm up at 7 am every morning and in the pool by 7.30 ..I've been doing that routine for years .
It definitely helps ..I've also just gone on some medication for my bladder as I was weeing all the time .not wetting myself,just needing a wee every 45 mins to an hour ..now I'm on medication to stop that it's like I've a 20 year old bladder,not a 53 year old one .
And spring is coming and I can't wait to wear shorts for the first time in my life .I'm excited for the future.
.I'm in my prime and menopause anxiety can fuck of

A good few months. I stopped taking it as it wasn't making me feel any different, and I felt exactly the same.

Late 40s I’m very lucky in that I have two lovely kids lovely home that’s paid for, job that’s stable and investments for the future which will help provide an additional financial lifeline to the state pension (assuming that’s still available in the future). I prefer the simple things in life anyway so I could weather that storm. I also have three strong friendship groups that give me lots of fun and things to look forward to. But I’m peri and things are starting to happen that have made me realise I’m not young forever (finding white hairs, jowls developing, dry eyes etc). But most notably the death of family members has caused me to change. I now have a palpable sense of my mortality and am a bit more somber these days about life, its meaning and its fleetingness. The lightness I enjoyed in my youth has faded.

I hit a real low at 53, felt a failure at everything, pension rubbish etc. HRT changed my life, or rather it changed my mentality. I feel positive, I enjoy my job, no plans to retire until I’m 65. Enjoy my life, take care of myself and value small things, a good book, a nice meal, a long walk and time with my family.

I'm 46 so at the start of this range... on the whole, having read most of the replies, not hugely looking forward to the next 5-10 years! It's quite frightening reading about everyone's experiences, although of course there are some positive ones too.

Life isn't perfect for me - I don't enjoy getting older physically and having to make much more effort to stay reasonably slim, when I've been naturally so all my life, and I definitely have times when I get a lot of brain fog and general fatigue. On the whole, though, I still feel pretty young. I got divorced three years ago and am now engaged again to a lovely man, so perhaps I've had a new lease of life there. Have a teenage daughter who isn't currently causing too much trouble (!), a decent career and some other irons in the fire. But it sounds like I should come back in a few years!...

I’ve always had insomnia, I think it’s hereditary but 25 years of shift work hasn’t helped. HRT has been amazing, much better than any antidepressant I have been prescribed over the years - it has really calmed my inner critic/ loud brain. I am definitely less tolerant of peoples shitty behaviour now but that is pretty awesome. Aches and pains come and go but I like this phase of life.

Welcome to the third age of life, OP! We enter the hag phase, all being well. Life changes.

Some of it better, some of it worse.

I feel sad reading a lot of these responses, and about how many women are suffering through this age.

I am 51 and feel at the height of my powers in terms of work and sexuality. I am looking older in my face and have had some thinning hair and joint pain but - my body is the same, my health is good, I exercise as much as I did in my 20s-30s. I ended a long term sexless relationship 5 years ago and have been in a part time, long distance relationship with my current partner for 4 years. We are both having the best sex we've ever had - he's 54.

My son is 14 and doing well, touch wood - he was much more challenging aged 10-12. I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of parenting.

I agree with pp that excercise is so important, and focussing on fun and friendships. I am also aware it could all fall apart any time, and who knows how much life I have left.

I turned 50 last week. Married with dc 12 and 14. All in all my life isn't in a good place but I try to see the positives.

Positives: work is good - I enjoy it and do well. Plenty of friends. My skin is good so I still look young(ish). Paid off the mortgage.

Negatives: huge amounts of stress in the last couple of years from depressed DH, unhappy marriage, DM with dementia, DF depressed and struggling to support her, PiL health problems, autistic DD ongoing problems, financial problems of living off one wage, and for myself, peri causing (or adding to) weight gain and low mood and energy.

I hoped we would be more financially secure but DH has suffered from depression and not worked for over a year, so we have less money than ever, and the future is a worry. No holidays or big celebrations for my 50th so I find it hard to see others celebrating.

I wasn't expecting peri to affect my energy levels - I have much less energy than at 40, even on HRT.

StrawberrySundaes · Today 04:31
I feel physically awful. I am 48yo. Full throes of perimenopause symptoms - weight gain, brain fog, tired all the time, no motivation, erratic periods (anywhere from 13-46 day cycles but usually every 2-3weeks and very heavy). Full on insomnial, restless legs, achy joints, hot flashes. My migraines have increased in frequency. I have had tests and there’s nothing wrong with me. Thyroid seems ok.

@StrawberrySundaes There is absolutely no need to put up with any of that ^^ in 2026.

There is something wrong- it's peri menopause! And treatable.

HRT may well sort all of it.

Have you considered it and seen a GP? There is no need to accept al of that when it's sortable.

I feel great! I’m the fittest I’ve ever been, the slimmest, I feel like I’m in my 20 with energy and general attitude.
my career really kicked off mid 40s, about to do my degree with work and my kids are grown up and young adults so I’ve loads of time for me and and my dh. We are financially secure and have holidays and concerts booked this year.

the insomnia sucks but I take HRT, and manage the insomnia on a night by night basis. Life is pretty good

No, I didn't. I got a second wind at 50 and retrained in something else that I ran alongside the 'day job' so I had two part time jobs going at the same time.
Then I retrained again and had 3 jobs - all part time.
At 60, I dropped one of them. I'm still doing some very part time work in my late 60s, self employed.

I started HRT at 53 and have carried on with it.
I can't cope with loss of sleep.

I have a lovely older friend who trained in counselling at 56 and carried on till she was 80.

Life has been a bit shit since 50 y.o. Keen to get my mojo back. Lockdown birthday at 50 (we’d been taking kids on adventures abroad so that all stopped), broke my ankle, then lost both parents and MIL in less than a year, got trigeminal neuralgia and was in constant pain for 18 months, got bullied at work, put on a PIP (after 30 successful years), lost my job, have children with autism and ADHD who have serious anxiety and have talked about harming themselves. Now with this war and concerns about that and implications for my kids living with that is worrying! I have been through menopause and once I was through that started getting anxiety when totally chilled in my 40s. I have started seeing a couple of friends again after being fully involved with having a young family but I need to start exercising again and getting out more and making better life choices. I did get another job but my hearts not in it. I’d love to retire but need to support kids through university from his year and still have 7 years on the mortgage! Feeling more financially secure at the minute!

I’m 54 and life is pretty good. Great marriage, 3 adult dds, nice home, financially secure. Heath is ok, I’ve got high cholesterol but trying to sort it.

I was a SAHM for over a decade and have now found a new career which I am enjoying. Dh and I enjoy life - we go out to cinema, theatre, comedy gigs and see friends. Lots of weekends away!

Youngest dd has some problems which do get me down but I am trying very hard not to let the worry impact my life ( easier said than done!).

How long were you on it? It can take 6 weeks at least to kick in for some. Some women also might need a higher starting dose.

Are you on bioidentical HRT, including testosterone?

I’m 46. Never really had any expectations about what life would be like by now. I consider myself to be very fortunate and in a sweet spot of life at the moment. Earn well and have a comfortable lifestyle. Enjoy my job. Kids in primary school, so they are old enough not to be completely dependent on me but are cute and still want to spend time with me. Parents are getting older but are still reasonably healthy. Some peri symptoms but not too bad. Have more free time now than I have had in the last 10 years as kids are older, have found a sport I enjoy and am doing more exercise and am fitter than I’ve been for some years. However I can see my response being different in a few years as menopause really bites, kids turn to teens and parents become elderly.

Thanks.

it hasn’t always been this way. I’ve made some bad decisions. I’ve had shit happen to me along the way. 4 years ago I was suicidal.

im enjoying this positive part of my life because let’s face it none of us know how long is left.

Might not help - but I was on HRT and didn't notice any benefits at all. Went off it again and felt exactly the same! It's obviously great for some people but not all it's cracked up to be for some of us!

I am 50, separated, quite happy with some aspects of my life - active social life, I still look OK (although staying slim is a fight I am increasingly losing), great kids, nice house, good relationship with ex. But I worry about being single and dying alone, and find OLD inpenetrable. I also have dying parents and am struggling to come to terms with the fact that they were horrible to me growing up, and how I reconcile that with them needing more care from me now. Also have OCD and ADHD which seems to have got worse with menopause too. Oh yes I've already been through the menopause and aside from weight gain, mild depression and the fact I now risk pissing myself every time I sneeze or cough seem to be the main symptoms. Does this ever go? I think I might be stuck with it now.

Feeling good at 46. I’ve been on HRT for a year. Positive experience of Mirena coil and oestrogen patches. Since starting those I’m feeling emotionally balanced and my sleep is back to normal. I also had a full medical recently with mammogram, colonoscopy, colposcopy, pelvic ultrasound and blood tests to check for medical concerns.

Enjoying my career and feeling happy with where we are financially.

I’ve lost a dress size on Mounjaro over the past 9 weeks, which has been amazing as my BMI went from 27 to 24.5 quickly (the pharmacy I use considers perimenopause as a condition). I’ll keep going on the jabs for another 9 weeks or so. Weight gain has been a side effect of the HRT, but hopefully I can now manage that better. I’ve been doing mat Pilates most days which is something I look forward to.

I had DC when I was 36 and 38, so currently have an 8 year old and 10 year old. They’re gorgeous but I miss them as babies. I don’t think I appreciated them enough when I was a SAHM for a few years. Every day felt hard for some reason, whereas I’d give anything now to rewind to that time!

Looking ahead, the main source of friction between DH and me is going to be his aging parents! DH and I have been self-sufficient since turning 18. We’ve had no help from our parents and they haven’t been (aren’t) involved grandparents. I’m now noticing how much his side are trying to lean on us and it isn’t fair! They retired very early for leisure reasons, which was self-interested and lazy, given their pensions aren’t sufficient. DH is currently trying to convince me that we should buy them a property near us as it’s an “investment” 😠