Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

I'm 47. I certainly didn't expect to be parenting primary and preschool aged children at this age! But that's how things worked out, and it's fine. No sign of perimenopause yet, my sleep and hormones are no different to how they were in my 30s. My general health is good, no cancer or major illnesses. Fitness and weight needs improving and I'm working on it. I've neglected my appearance and would like to spend more time and money on that too.
Sex life is OK, probably more affected by the young dcs than my age specifically. No issues with general fitness and aches and pains. Happily married and financially secure. Working just one day a week so not overly pressured and I get enough leisure time.

Absolutely. For every 1 of us that are happy/fit/not tired or aching there are 20 people who are.

We're not smug, we're letting people know it doesn't always to shit when you hit 50!

I imagined my life very differently. My life is very boring, and I imagined it would be interesting. All the cool stuff I was doing eroded over marriage and kids, and now I just work to pay bills and treat myself to stuff off Vinted.
I think, maybe I'll pick up all the cool stuff I did before when I retire. But I will be deep in my 60s, tired, who knows what kind of health I will be in.
Sorry OP, really depressing answer but that's where I am. Sometimes I imagine what my life would have been like if I'd married someone who though the things I did were interesting and worth pursuing, but I didn't.

I agree, not all of us have shite lives or feel shite.

Not smug at all, she is enjoying life, nothing wrong with that. As a woman who has just turned 45 this is refreshing to hear as reading many of the posts is making me feel depressed 🤣

It’s annoying isn’t it!
I used to buy organic, never smoked, rarely drink.
you may as well do what you want! And let life happen cos it will anyway!
my dad started smoking in early teens and regularly drank and ate meat everyday. Shift wither too. Got to in his 80s!

47, with two young children as I had my last at 45. I never really pictured my life in a particular way (and was ambivalent about having children for a long time), but touch wood things have turned out well and I am probably the most content I’ve ever been. I will be working until I’m 70 due to having kids later in life so retirement is not something I ever think about, but then I spent my 20s and 30s travelling the world, partying and building a successful career so I don’t feel I’m missing out by having to spend the later decades working and I have no regrets overall. I like my job, and even if I can’t do it until I’m 70, the idea of working to old age doesn’t bother me as I’ve generally thrived in all jobs I’ve done, even the shitty ones while at university. Hopefully I still feel like that in 15 years’ time! Motherhood has grounded me in a way I never would have thought possible but also brought anxiety that I never had before, worrying for my kids’ future, pressure to provide a good life and worries about getting older/sick while they are still young. That said, I’m healthy, loads of energy (for someone sleep deprived with toddlers anyway!) and no peri symptoms yet so perhaps the kids are keeping me young, for now at least.

I’m early fifties and I thought I’d be in better health.
I have never eaten fast food. Always bought organic food.
Regularly exercised, meditated. Don’t use drugs or drink alcohol.

However have had cancer three times now and developed chronic health conditions normally seen in people 20-30yrs older than me.

My mum died when she was a few years older than I. I just don’t think I will get to 80. I think I have maybe 15 years left if I’m lucky.

It’s a mixed bag for me.

Physically, I feel wrecked (hormones, insomnia, exhaustion etc - despite high dose HRT and a clean bill of health shown in blood tests).

However I’m very content overall…I get joy from the smaller things in life and have a smaller circle and generally just happy with my lot.

Im in a job and level (and salary) I never thought I would ever get to in my wildest dreams, and love it. It’s also really flexible which allows me to do lots of volunteering activities which brings me a deep sense of satisfaction.

Absolutely this

Love this 🖤🖤

One positive of getting older is the increasing ease with which you do ngaf. 50+ women have always been caricatured as battleaxes but I think there is a large kernel of truth beneath the (sexist) stereotype. More inclined to speak my mind and call out utter drivel. Can see through intellectual posturing and virtue-signalling and am frankly embarrassed that I ever held some of the views I did years ago, when I was probably just seeking approval.

I'm 51 and would say that my life is pretty much as I'd have expected, except that I have kids and I wasn't expecting that! Perimenopause was tricky (especially the insomnia, and also a feeling of being a bit lost) but I'm out the other side now, sleeping well again and with my enthusiasm for life back again. I'm not on HRT.

I still have kids at home and find that only working part time helps me feel present for them, able to assist my elderley parents and have a bit of time for myself, without getting totally wrung out and exhausted.

I still have plenty of energy and my brain fog is less noticeable now (or maybe I've just got used to it!), but I have found that I am very much more prone to weight gain nowadays, and my pelvic floor...let's just say, when I gotta go, I gotta go!

Some of the posts here are incredibly depressing. The negativity is shocking actually.

Make the most of being alive!

I've lost friends in their 50s and early 60s and they would have loved more years of life.

If you're not enjoying life, look to yourself, find new interests, learn stuff, even if it's online, look after your health and just be glad for what you have.

My Dad had a saying which was 'you get out of life what you put in'.

I’m 52, life is not what I expected but I’m very content in lots of ways. I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past year and focused on strength training and a year has made an incredible difference, I’m strong and a very healthy bmi from obese a year ago and too unfit to walk any distance!

I hate working and want to reduce my hours or stop working but obviously I can’t afford to! DH is older and retired so that’s part of it. Also bereavement’s have sharpened my mind and I really feel life is too short!

I am hopeful for the next decade, I do feel life is getting better!

@Enigma you are absolutely not a failure! Cancer and it’s repercussions does not make you a failure.

I couldn’t be a teacher. I see how tough it is as part of my job in education. You did it! And were good at it.

And definitely not a failure. Your children are proof you are a good mum.

My children are just starting out too. One finished uni and the other half way through uni. I’m marking milestones to get to. It helps.

And you have more than paid into the system with your taxes and your work too. Don't feel bad!

“Golden years"? Golden years of gradually losing your health”

this made me laugh. It’s so true.

But from what you wrote you have lots of positives. Try to focus on those. When I was at my lowest the only positives I could find was when the traffic lights went my way. And I’d say thank you. It really helped me to find more positives.

And to the pp re keeping things for best. Agree! I do this or did this. And after my diagnosis realised if not now then when! I’ll run out of time. First time I used for best stuff it felt so weird!

@OchreReader
Sending you positivity.
My friend has also been diagnosed with breast cancer, she’s 51.
Absolutely, enjoy every moment that you can.

Healthwise, financially and emotionally I feel like I’m in a great place at 56. But I never ever take this for granted.

The unexpected urgency in needing to wee!
unknown aches and pains
moving slower

I sometimes play a game and try to pace younger people walking. That’s hard and I can’t keep up for very long. It’s my form of secret exercise.

I'm 54 and should actually be very grateful as I am in good health (on the whole), have a decent fairly cushy job and am financially secure.

But (you knew that was coming), I just feel like everything is pointless. It can only be downhill from here. "Golden years"? Golden years of gradually losing your health, in my case getting slower at running, not being able to see properly? What is the point? Yes I am financially secure but what am I going to do with that money?

Being very honest, I sometimes think if there were an easy way to end it, I would. I wouldn't do it now because my mum is still alive and i wouldn't put her through losing her child, but later I would. I really can't see the point of living so long that life becomes a struggle. My mum is healthy but she's had so many operations and painful things done to her!

I’m 54 and everything was progressing well until out of the blue I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. I now tell everyone please go your doctor with ANY change in your breasts. It really is not just lumps that may be cancer.

The one thing I have learned at this stage is that life can change in a moment, so enjoy it while you have it. Don’t put things away ‘for best’ as granny used to do 🙂

@Silverbirchleaf interesting that that has caught people by surprise

I'm 50. My father died when I was 42. I was told at the time that I was young to lose a parent. But I actually wasn't expecting to hit 40 with Parents. In some ways that was the biggest curveball of how life plans turned out.

I'm trying to approach my 50s positively because I feel as if I lost my 40s looking after elderly parents - and that's very sad. If I had known it would go on for so long I would've taken a completely different approach and been very hands off.

I don't think much about my age and I feel as if MN is obsessed with age.

I don't talk about my parents much in real life - it's too depressing.

I didn't have the career I wanted, I had a lot of health problems when I was young. But that's the sort of thing that was very striking at 40. I've worked through it ages ago.

I don't have children so I felt very young until recently and I get on better with younger people. My last boyfriend was about half my age and that made sense to me and to people who know me well.

my best friend told me to start lying about my age when I was 45. I thought she was mad, but now I can see why she said that. She and I don't fit in people's stereotype of 50 (and 55 in her case).

Perhaps the biggest difference is not having children.

i've had to do a lot of meeting people the last few years and I'm amazed how much 50 something want to talk about their elderly parents. But that problem has been going on for ages with me. I never wanted to talk about it. There are so many nice things to talk about!

I can give you a glossed over, positive spin on the position I'm in aged nearly 45. Or, I can give you the genuine one, but it makes me sound extremely depressed.

Ok, positive one first.

I have 3 beautiful, amazing healthy children who are all thriving, a loving and kind DH, and both sets of parents still alive doing well.

I have a good home, food, and a part time job WFH that works well with school runs etc. I'm very blessed in so many ways, with a family life that from the outside looks ideal.

However, inside most days it's like I am dying. My health is dreadful. Just thinking about it makes me feel quite ill.😢😳 My brain has been through the wars over the past decade, and I've had 3 concussions, post concussion syndrome, a terrible breakdown, and then been permanently injured by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after the first concussion.

It gave me a movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that ruined my life and I rue the day my GP prescribed the antipsychotic. I had no sensitivity or adverse effects to any medication before, but now it has made me very sensitive to medication side effects, and even innocuous substances like antifungal creams, artificial sweeteners, and supplements can exacerbate my symptoms.

Ooh yes, and the joys of perimenopause have been an additional health worry which of course means I have to think seriously about whether I can tolerate symptoms without HRT... or try to use it but worry it will exacerbate my movement disorder.

So, TLDR: life outwardly is good, but underneath I'm drowning 😢