Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

I certainly didn’t expect to be sitting in hospital waiting for my turn to have a total hip replacement at the ripe old age of 49.
as luck would have it, I’ve never been full of life expectations. When I was younger, what might happen in my forties/fifties didn’t cross my mind.

I thought I’d be more mature, confident and have more of a ‘f*ck it I don’t care attitude’ but I’m even more of a worrier, no self esteem and now feel a bit lost with our three kids not needing me much but I don’t feel free either, I’m still tied to the home. I still feel like I’m in my 20s in my head, I don’t feel mature at all. I’m even less sociable too, mainly as I look a total mess being overweight and looking old. I also just can’t be bothered. So no, I’m not how I thought I would be! I feel like I’m still figuring out who I am and feel bored of the same old drudge of housework, washing, shopping etc. As the kids have got older, anxiety about them has increased. 21 years of being a mum and I have no idea who I am any more. What a jolly reply 😂.

I’m 50 and have recently been questioning / regretting nearly all of my major life choices … plus won’t be mortgage free until I’m 65… so goodness knows when I’ll be able to retire. Feel pretty flat.

Oh I'm so, so sorry 😞 Sending you huge hugs and love. ❤️

Hello. I feel crushed. ( 50 ). Met a wonderful man age 37. Had no relationships before that as shy and probably neurodiverse. Lost him to suicide in 2023.

I thought I'd envy the young but I don't.

I feel like I am wishing the next decade away. 51, struggling with peri, sick of my job but need the money and lack confidence to chuck it in and move. Oldest at uni, two kids still at home, I worry a lot about them, particularly the middle one. All four of our parents still going in their 80s but can see over the next decade we (DH and I both the oldest responsible child) will just have endless burden of care, losing them and then dealing with the fallout. Trying to carve out time for me - I’m on HRT, am exercising and trying to look after myself, my Mum has osteoporosis which I am keen to stave off. DH similarly fed up - we are both feeling trapped by responsibility. I’m chair of a small charity which is just endless work to be done, nobody else will step up, I feel responsible for trying to look after everyone that volunteers there too. We’re quite well set up financially but I feel like we’ve been too cautious and should have gone off round the world rather than saving into pensions. I met up with my NCT friends after a fairly long gap and we had a very therapeutic catch up but bloody hell we have all been through some crap in the last 10 years!
It all feels hard and I feel more burdened than I expected at this stage in life.

48 and could not be happier. My career is massively taking off and I absolutely love my job. I feel like I’m finally able to grab life and enjoy the adventure. Travelling more now than I’ve ever done and I love seeing the world, meeting new people and learning.

God how awful for you and your daughter, and the other victims. You've done what you had to do to get away from your ex. Be proud of that x

I relate a LOT to this. Groundhog Day. Let me remind you that you are worthwhile just the way you are.

But it does sound like you need to find something(s) that gives you joy in your life.

I had a really fun 20s. 30s were getting married, buying a house, kids. Since Covid it's been.... Meh. I feel like you do a lot of the time too TBH but have some really good fun friends and a non demanding hobby I like that help keep me from despair.

I have quite a lot of energy which I suspect is linked to my having ADHD.
Friendships seem to be drifting a bit because everyone’s busy.
DH does his own thing and not really interested in me. I would like us to be closer but I like being alone too much to make the effort.
Sometimes everything feels better then it ever was and sometimes I just feel is this it?

I semi retired at the age of 45 became a contractor working 2/3 days a week and life was great. I'd had a hysterectomy (ovaries left) and felt on top of the world after around 8 years of problems.

My DH died just before my 50th. I had to go back to work properly so I could accommodate school runs as the kids school was 2 bus rides and a mile walk away otherwise. We spent our savings on him as he was dying.

3 years later, I went self employed again.I earnt a lot more so stupidly doubled the size of our house which quadrupled my mortgage. I can't reduce my hours and am constantly chasing contracts because our outgoings are significantly more than they were when we lived in a 3 bed semi.

I'm going through menopause now at the age of 59. It's OK. It's likely been happening for a whole, so no big issues thankfully.

My pension pots are OK - I'll be fine with state pension, but I couldn't retire right now.

When I look back, the kids have had a good life. I have too. I don't regret anything.

I am about to be 55. I am post menopause and feel great, full of energy, luckily in great health, still happily married and kids grown up and successful and we are financially secure with mortgage repaid years ago. No plans to retire. Our lives are pretty tame but happy. Don’t know what I expected but came from a happy family with happily married parents so probably hoped for the same and I have it. Very grateful.

I've also had an unexpected career shift in the last 18 months to a field where pay (and options) are much better than the field I was in for the last 20 years, which has been just as well given husband's work scenario. I'm now on more money that I would probably even get at the most senior level in my previous industry (and I wouldn't have wanted to be that senior) even though I'm fairly junior.

I suppose when I was younger I imagined I'd be looking at retiring mid 60s but I'm planning on keeping going to 70 if possible because my pension won't be that great, DH's will be almost non existent, and TBH I don't mind working longer because there's not much to look forward to in retirement if you'll just be scraping by.

You and me both😊

I'm 48. I don't feel as though I have way less energy than in my 20s and 30s, though I'm sure I do have less. That said, I have started exercising more in the last 10 years, so that might be it. I certainly don't recognise in myself the cliche of 'everything aches all the time and I'm always tired', so my health feels better than I might have expected. It could also be because my mum has a chronic illness and so I'm definitely way better off than she was at this age.

Mentally pretty happy - really enjoying the freedom of kids not needing babysitters anymore so we can do our own thing. DH has had a rocky few years career wise (hopefully resolving a bit now) so I feel a little like we've missed out on a nice interval before oldest DC starts uni (in September) when we might have been able to afford nicer holidays/save up more money.

Divorce.... Didn't expect that after 28years...

But on a brighter side, hey, I still can have a good life

I’m 55 and actually quite happy in my own skin. I’m on HRT so on top of menopause.
I’m in a job I love, keep busy with my horse and we’re mortgage free.
DD joined the Royal Navy last year and we’re proud of her.
I’ve so much to be grateful for even though I have early osteoarthritis, had both hips replaced but aside from this my health is good.
When I was young 55 seemed old but not anymore

I didn’t expect to be the main breadwinner and organiser of the family. I always knew I could be strong and independent but I always thought it would be alongside a husband who could also be strong and independent.

i have learned a lot about neurodiversity and how I can support my husband who has severe ADHD. I have constant anxiety that one day he may find something “nicer” than me because his brain thinks in short-term dopamine hits, and I am now old and tired.

I stayed in a marriage when he was emotionally abusive and very very angry. I stayed to help him through that. I am not the same person (I have lost my spark) but he is a better person for the support I gave and sacrifices I made. Ultimately I did this for my children so they didn’t have a deadbeat dad. He would’ve been a deadbeat not for his ADHD but for his abusive childhood that only taught him how to treat people badly. His ADHD prevented him from knowing how to overcome the abusive childhood and implement the change to be a better person.

i didn’t expect to find it so hard to
build a career. Not because of my ability, but because I am so bad at politics and brown-nosing. My ability is good. My people skills are good but I can’t be fake and I can’t blow my own trumpet.

My life isn’t anywhere I expected it to be.

I'm 53, almost 54. 3 years ago after suddenly losing my dad I found out my husband had sexually abused our 7 year old daughter.

I'm now divorced, unemployed after moving country and living with my 3 kids with my mum! My kids are 11, 9 and almost 7. Found out 3 weeks ago my ex is being charged with 13 offences relating to my daughter, his eldest daughter and indecent images.

So not how I expected to be living life.

I’m 50 and feel pretty good, it is a lot more work to get there at this age but it is also easier in a way because my kids are older and have a lot more time for exercise etc. career wise I am not where I expected but I made choices along the way due to having a family and I don’t regret that. But I still feel I have a lot to achieve since. I had a big pivot in my mid 40s so I am not really thinking about retirement.

At that age I wasn’t happy either thinking is this it, also had a lot of health and hormone issues. After a few years hormones settled and like got quite predicable and dare I say it……boring.

Then my DH had an accident and our lives have been horrific since then, and I’d give anything to go back to that ‘boring’ time. You never can tell the future and I so wish I realised how lucky we were before.

I;m 56 now, so just out the other side. Got meno symptoms from about 50, took me a year to realise then went on HRT which helped hugely with brain fog & irrational anger. Took up a physical sport at 47 which keeps me fit and strong, thought I was doing well until last year when my knees have started to give out. Otherwise healthy though, which I'm really grateful for.
Confidence got knocked when I got made redundant 3 years ago, but I found a brilliant new job and team, so now feel better than ever that I can cope with change. Kids are relatively young, so not thinking of retiring yet, but probably won't work much past 60.
In my 30s, I wondered how I would ever work for another 30+ years, now I don't mind it. Life is good, I can't bear to think I'm over half way through.

I’m 48 with an Autistic 8 year old and an angry 6 year old. Daily life is sooooo hard. I’m juggling two jobs and single parenting and I am exhausted. I’m in the worst financial position of my entire life. I thought by this age I would be financially secure with a decent house and a decent social life. Instead I’m in a house that doesn’t suit our needs, mortgaged upto the eyeballs and have no life. I feel like our generation got the worst deal. I’ve worked so hard my entire life yet my parents generation (boomers) got lucky and all sitting on second homes, luxury holidays and plenty of cash in the bank when only one of them went out to work. I grew up expecting the same standards as them but certainly didn’t get the brochure life I signed upto

At 47 I was made redundant. It was a shock but I got an excellent package. After a tumultuous decade of burn out, caring responsibilities, job changes, caring, losing my Dad and brother in Covid in traumatic circumstances, then both my in laws within a year, I didn’t realise how broken I was and how much I was living on my nerves.

in the past year I have lost almost 6st, gone freelance so I don’t have to work in the corporate hamster wheel anymore, get better sleep and spend more time with my teens picking them up every day.

I look and feel the best I have in a decade, I have a PT twice a week, a dog I adore and with the exception of a few niggles I have so far escaped too many menopausal symptoms (give it time!).

I always wanted a portfolio career in my 50s, and I guess I am on my way towards that. Due to losing three parents we have inheritance money stashed, nothing crazy but enough, so I have gone from panicking about having a crap pension, to being in about the right place to retire mid 60s and live comfortably, I just need to keep earning enough to live just now. That includes regular facials and my nails done 😁

Happily married, nice kids, decent house, nice car….yeah, probably about where I hoped I would be. But if you had asked me a few years ago I was a much more frazzled version of myself!