Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

40s and 50s can be the best
Keep living life
Do new things
Watch Yes Man and follow the advice

Make that time the best it can be.

@Haddit - i’m the same age as you as are many of my friends, plus quite a few are older, and we all feel pretty young and still very much able to enjoy life. We’re not particularly scared for the future (well, leaving aside the current obvious global concerns). It’s really unfortunate if all your same age friends seem old. I don’t think that’s necessarily typical. Not meaning to argue with your experience but it would be a real shame if OP and those just behind us think it will all be over for them by their mid/late 50s.

I feel like a spring chicken. I’m 56 and fit as a fiddle I go out to pubs and restaurants and enjoy life. I am very aware I am super lucky with my genes. My same age friends are “old”. I worry desperately about the future, but I feel fitter now than I did in my 30’s, now my kids are up Life is an adventure I suppose x

I am 46. Mentally I am the best I have been in years. I had years and years of stress due to infertility and trying to move house and finally I am past all that. I finally wake up calm without that knot in my stomach which is actually incredible.
Physically, starting to get aches and pains. Not as tired as I was now that youngest is 5. Prob in peri menopause although not sure as been on the pill since youngest born so no periods.
Job is pretty good, had periods of being hugely stressful but last few years have been stable. I have no ambition so am happy to plod away.
Generally in a good place, I love my family and I love my home. Can't complain.

@Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot Not RTFT - i’m 56 and so above your age window but just wanted to say: being post-menopausal is fucking awesome. I had my last period at 50. Not having to faff around with menstruation is very liberating.

My sex-drive is still gentling thrumming along - in fact, i think it has increased. I think not needing to think about contraception or worry about pregnancy have helped.

My self-confidence has grown as i’ve aged. I could do with losing about 3 or 4 stone (and it is an aim to do so) but i feel more confident about my looks and how i carry myself than i’ve ever felt before. So this is just to say that you have great things ahead of you.

The main change for me has been from feeling like I need to chase my dreams and always reaching for something more to feeling like I've got where I need to get to in life and I don't need to chase things anymore. I'm talking professionally. Nothing much changed in actual fact, just my attitude to it.

In my personal life, I had children in my 40s (triplets) followed by exhaustion, overwhelm, chronic fatigue and a rough ride with perimenopause. However, I do feel very grateful. Chronic fatigue was the worst - for seven years I basically felt like my life was over, I would never have energy to do anything properly ever again. So when it lifted I just thought, well this is great, I have some life back. Perimenopause I also thought my life was over, in a different way, but HRT has been my saviour. I can (usually) just be really happy and grateful for small things, as it could have been so much worse.

I am likely to have to keep on working until I'm quite old. I don't mind as I like my work, but I do have a pang of envy when I hear of someone retiring in their 50s or around 60.

Late 50s so a bit older. In the past few years a lot has hit the fan: DH had cancer and some awful after effects, dad died, Mum struggling, a bad diagnosis of my own and to cap it all, last year I was made redundant from a job I loved - and needed - as I’m sole breadwinner. Bizarrely I’m not unhappy. Stressed sometimes, but actually feel pretty positive. I vowed not to go under and set up my own business which is touch wood doing well. In fact, I love it - it’s more flexible and I’m making more money. DH is stable and I’m grateful to have him and mum. I’m fit, my health issue is manageable as of now, we’re solvent and I’m intent on squeezing every drop of enjoyment and fulfilment out of life while I can. Life is not what I expected. I would never have imagined I would start a business at my age. Or that I’d

find the resilience in myself that I have.

Mid 50s here. I feel fitter and more energetic than I did in my 20s and 30s. I have a teenager who loves to spend time with me, which is great! I have a fabulous job and I want to continue working for as long as possible!

I am 52 over the past 4 years our DD has push us and my marriage (to her Dad) to the limit with her behaviour, her mental health, drink, risk taking- and whilst its better, we are constantly exhausted and on high alert.

I am on HRT, I have put on weight (exercise 4x week) and dog walk, I am the main bread winner and hate the responsibility. I don’t sleep very well, I am anxious, low and have just had enough really.

So not the best advert for being 50!! I hope it improves soon. - its nice though to read that others are embracing this time 😊

Ha, I had my last one at nearly 45, I don’t feel any more tired than when I was 18 and she’s a much worse sleeper 😅 but think having 27 years of parenting experience helps and not having to stress about establishing a career, money and relationships, their development etc (like when first/second time parent) . It’s just having to parent in such isolation which is hard, I really took for granted that we’d always have family and friends around, you don’t expect things to change so quickly. Coping with the primary aged kids is fine but do feel sorry for them that we don’t have the social side of things the older ones had, but they do have a lot of friends at school, beavers etc. I’m loving the grown up kids stage too, although just wish I had more time (and money) to spend with them

My DC are 25 and 22. I do t think I could cope with primary aged kids at this stage in life.

Very much resonate with you regarding the unending cycle of drudgery, I’ve got young and primary aged children. I also had children when was young but then it was a much less isolated experience, e.g we used to go to in laws every Sunday and have a fully cooked roast dinner followed by the children playing with their cousins and all the toys at the grandparents house, we’d spend at least one weekend a month staying with my family with trips out etc, the holidays and other weekends were days spent with friends and their children. Grandparents would often have the children for the day or a weekend or book a holiday for us all. Now we have none of that, I have my friends I see while hubby looks after them for an evening and my kids have their friends they see at school and clubs but no one we spend time with altogether

I don't think I have ever really thought about what my life would be like now at 51. I've been too busy working since i was 18 to really look up and think about it. I echo a lot of what has already been said re perimenopause, it's just awful and feels like a total kick in the teeth. I'm still raising school age children, working full time in a low paid but very responsible job which thankfully I mostly enjoy, but by the end of each day I am utterly knackered. I've never known anything like this exhaustion. I regularly feel resentful towards my husband of 21 years who is, let's say, not a modern man. I am responsible for 95% of household chores/cooking. I used to have the energy to cope with it all but not anymore. He is a total misogynist. I wish he was still the funny, kind person I married. His job has made him hard. I have changed too, I am full of rage, but this gives me the strength to fight back against injustices. I have become so aware of how little time I might have left, but I'm not in a position to drop everything and live my best life. I still have another 16 years until I can claim my pension. Hopefully the mortgage should have been paid off by then, unless my husband manages to mismanage our finances again, but that's another story. I'm not ungrateful because I know things could be so much worse, I'm just tired of the relentless cycle of drudgery. There is very little joy. I'm now waiting for a multitude of responses telling me that it's my fault that my life has turned out like this and my fault if I've allowed my husband to be a dick. Life was never easy for me from the start. Bad parents, abusive ex . To be honest I'm actually proud of myself because my two children are amazing young people. My undivided input has not been wasted on them. I am very grateful for them.

I didn't expect the menopause to hit so hard either but the lack of sleep and anxiety are horrendous. If you are able to take HRT, and want to, I would recommend it as it does make a huge difference to how you feel.

I’m 46, life is better and worse than I suppose I expected it to be, I’m much happier than I was when I was younger as have achieved everything I hoped for in terms of career, marriage and children. Although these things all took much longer to come about than had thought they would. Health wise have been fortunate so far, although very nervous of experiencing perimenopause/menopause. Day to day life feels quite relentless at times though between demands of motherhood, particularly with a toddler, office politics and just general loneliness as friends have moved away, family has drifted apart and older members of the family died or are now in poor health.
Financially things are tough as middle income earners with high mortgage costs, maintenance payments for DSC etc mean despite earning more than expected would have we have to watch every penny can can’t do the things with the older children I took for granted years ago when I was comparatively ‘much poorer’. The world feels less safe, relaxed and tolerant and things such as some men’s true attitude to women have become more apparent to me, I genuinely thought most men were generally nice and friendly (not referring to the dating scene just contact with men in general) until I aged and put on weight etc and have found that men now seem to subconsciously treat me like an irrelevance. People are generally less interested and tolerant of you as you become older, you have a wealth of experience but you learn is easier to just keen your mouth shut. Generally though most of the things I worried about when I was younger turned out fine and you learn that nothing good or bad seems to last for long

I posted upthread and just wanted to add I am years 3-4 years post meno and NOT on HRT apart from topical vaginal estriol cream. Feel great, no aches / pains or other medication. I pay a lot of attention to my diet and eat lots of veg / beans/ nuts/ seeds/ fruit etc. I take a Vit D3 tablet everyday and recently started a collagen supplement ( for my vanity). I walk at least 30 mins a day and work out with weights at home every other day. I limit alcohol to the weekend and drink no more than 2-3 drinks a day, if that. Not everyone has such an easy menopause ride though and I know that. I did get sweats etc for about 6 months but mainly at night. I think I look after myself better now as health comes into focus more as you age.

Feeling pretty good to be honest - I look after my physical health a lot better than I used to. Admittedly I wouldn't feel nearly so good without HRT and thyroxine! I know I am lucky and I don't take it for granted.

No, it's definitely not normal for 50s. I have plenty of energy, go to the gym 4 times a week (doing double classes/swim combo twice a week), plus walk 1.5-2 hours a day, plus work, socialise, take part in hobbies, climbed Snowdon in September, run around with grandchildren etc etc. I don't think I am unusual

Can you see GP for blood tests, you could be prescribed HRT.(I never tried it, kept meaning to discuss with GP, but never got round to it) I am a bit older than you, but I feel that this is a very transitional phase of life where I did a lot of reevaluation. I also, like you really felt the passage of time. The fact that it no longer stretches to an endless future and more time is behind you that in front of you. One way I have tried looking at is that there is as much novelty in getting grey hair and wrinkles as there was in starting your periods and starting needing to wear a bra. Not sure 😊 this way of thinking about aging really helps though! I think along with adolescence it is the biggest mental, emotional transition we go through. ( Though adjusting to parenthood if you have kids is another big one) I have Lost a few friends too young, so to use a worn out adage, growing old is better than the alternative. Do you have anything you are really fascinated by? Finding out more about or studying is a great distraction. There is something sad and beautiful watching one generation fading and another generation taking it's place.

I'm a similar age to you and this has been the worst part for me. Lost my dad, then my mum, then my brother. One per decade since my twenties. I'm quite numb emotionally now.

47 now. I had a series of close family bereavements. My mum died when I was 20. My dad when I was 40 and my brother when I was 45. Life is for living so feel the pressure to get out there a bit more.
Still teaching English full time and have two teenage sons and a DH. Physically, feeling tired more now and finding driving to work a bit stressful. Takes me a while to get over coughs, cold and always seems to some ailment getting me down.
I would like to make more of my life really but seems to be lacking energy. I'm interested in what chat gpt can do for me advice wise and technology has made teaching very different over the last few years.
Sad state of the world and, yes, did fall into the trap of watching lots of news which does deplete the spirits somewhat.
I'm determined this year to go to more art exhibitions, see old friends and enjoy more nature and culture. I really enjoyed the recent Banksy exhibition: it just made me think about life a bit differently and how the keep calm and carry on mentality in Britain is so ingrained.
I feel more calm and experienced now.
I've been through a lot with the bereavements and bring an executor. I feel I have more understanding of the world and have learned a lot about admin, banks and solicitors and estate agents that I never realised I would have to learn.
I have a sort of what now feeling. I am planning my retirement in a few years and just hoping for a bit more freedom in general.

Oh that’s good to hear. I haven’t had a long wait so am very lucky and amazingly, my right hip is perfectly fine. Very reassured to hear you have a horse now. Roll on summer.

Oh bless you I had my left hip replaced at 49 too. I’m now 54 and had right hip replaced when I was 51. OA isn’t reserved for the over 80s.
I was lucky to have health insurance through work and got them both done quickly.
All is good now, I’m very active and have my own horse who I look after and ride.