Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

I’m 50 this year and really happy. Kids are good (one in uni doing really well, one in yr 13 also flourishing), lovely marriage and nice enough house. Self employed and business is going ok - been my whole adult life and I do think I could have aimed higher but it’s a bit late now, I’ll just keep going. Physically I am in great shape, periods stopped a couple of years back and I feel great, no HRT. I train hard (marathons, weights) and am the leanest I have been since I was 21. I’m excited about the next 50 years! Holidays, more time with DH, eventually moving somewhere near the sea / lakes instead of built up SE which I hate. Can’t wait!

I’m 49 and feel great. Changed my diet and going to the gym regularly. Seeing muscle develop as well. Mortgage paid off and very happily married. I work in a physical job but that helps me. I’m probably pre menopausal but I don’t have any signs yet and I won’t be taking HRT. I’d never have thought I’d be in this position when young. I was an idiot who only thought about going out every weekend and having a good time. Nowadays I won’t even drink tap water

I’m sorry to hear so many are feeling awful but my experience is really different. I’m loving the age my kids are at, I’m happy at work and feel ready for one more promotion before plateauing into retirement, I’ve got more time to myself than I’ve had in years and am exercising regularly which makes me feel great. My initial peri symptoms appear to have settled well so that probably helps.

I’m 54 and feel great. I’ve been on HRT for about 8 years.
I keep and feel fit and have a good diet.
I retired from my main career 2 years ago but still work in a consultancy type role which I enjoy and feel like I am giving something back.
I am struggling a bit with the empty nest especially as my one child has moved abroad.
I am fitter than I’ve ever been but that is due to now having more time to myself.
Touch wood I will stay healthy and fit but you can’t take it for granted.

I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted most of the time. Some days work is all I can manage and often weekends are spent just recovering from the week before it’s time to do it all again. I feel trapped and I think the only way to improve my life right now would be to take a step back from responsibilities at work or do fewer hours but I still have a reasonable mortgage and don’t have lots of financial security so I’m afraid to do that.

Im in a job where I am comfortable in both salary and responsibilities, I have turned down promotions as I want to keep my work life balance. Some of my friends have retired but they are very much the exception insofar as selling their businesses for millions so I dont use them as some kind of comparison. Still a few years left on the mortgage. I row competitively so in pretty good shape and much of my social life rotates around the club. My parents are in their 80s and need more assistance and I am concerned that they live in a very remote area. Not sure where I would be in my 50s but I am content.

I’m not where I imagined I’d be in my early 50s. I thought I’d have it all figured out and be comfortable financially, maybe looking to reduce my hours and enjoy a bit of me time.

Instead I got divorced and while I’m lucky to own my own home the responsibility of being the only earner weighs heavy and I’m in the same situation as many people where my bills are rocketing but my salary hasn’t changed.

At work I feel undervalued - the senior males make all the decisions and still enjoy their holidays and golf while I’m worrying about paying the bills and wishing I was doing something I enjoy and didn’t dread going in every day.

I’ve put on weight and I’m always tired. I try to exercise but it’s easier to pour a glass of wine and try to relax. I sleep most nights but never wake up feeling refreshed. I’m in the classic situation of trying to support adult kids and ageing parents when I really need a bit of support myself.

The only plus is that I met a new partner and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I wish he’d known me when I wasn’t like this though.

I’m 49.

definitely not what I expected.

i had my kids young and expected at this age to be either really hitting my stride work wise or travelling the world in early retirement with my husband.

i am severely disabled due to an accident and divorced as my husband did not cope well with covid and started drinking and causing problems.

my two kids are at least through uni and getting established in life. I have cats and a garden and enjoy playing music but my body is totally fucked and my life has been nothing like I expected.

Everything is relative. Universal to all women at this age is menopause. I would advise you to get on HRT asap and get your testosterone checked a few months after you start. HRT was the energy level game changer.

Oh and in terms of life being what to expected. I never really thought about getting older and what life would look like! I guess when the kids were very little I imagined what it would like when they were older and I had more freedom but didn't anticipate how much you still worry about them

I'm about to turn 50 and feel happy with where I am in life. So far I've been lucky and not really had any bad perimenopause symptoms unlike many of my friends. I definitely get tired easier but nothing life changing. I do way more exercise than I did when I was younger so I feel physically strong and capable.
I've had a couple of promotions in work the last 5 years. Nothing exciting by 6 figure Mumsnet standards but enough to give me a confidence boost after working low wage jobs around the kids for many years.
The only thing I'm struggling with really is my kids growing up. I like the fact that I have more time for me and feel like this is 'my time' in a way but I miss the ones who are at uni. I also really worry about them, it's so hard to relinquish control and accept that I can't make life easier or better for them when they hit an obstacle.

I'm 51. I feel older than I expected to feel at this age - tired, slower, aches and pains. However my overall health is good (touch wood!) and I'm active and reasonably fit so it could be worse. I'm overweight but I've been overweight since my 20s so not a new thing. Hormonally not too bad - the odd hot flush and a bit of brain fog. Not on HRT. Career wise I'm still going strong - enjoying my job, taking on new roles, not thinking about retirement. I don't know anyone my age who has retired. My kids are late teens and very early 20s, and I like this stage but feel sad at the thought of an empty nest (although young people are definitely living at home for longer than they used to so it may not happen for a while!). Looking forward to grandchildren at some point in the future. Happily married and financially comfortable.

I’m on the lower age that you’re asking about (45), but thought I’d reply. Mentally, I feel great, happiest I’ve probably been my whole life, or certainly as an adult. Something clicked when I hit 40, and I realised life was too short to be worrying about things out of my control.
Physically, feel like I’m falling apart a bit, starting to get diagnoses that I’ve never had before, like issues with blood pressure etc.

In life, we’re at a great point. Had children in early 20’s so they’re flying or about to fly the nest, so me and DH are enjoying nice things like going away and starting to talk about our future and what we want it to look like

I feel more content in myself than I have ever done. It is a weird phenomenon but I used to be attractive and sexual and I foolishly judged myself through the eyes of men. Losing my physical attractiveness to men has helped my self esteem so much as I now feel my worth and value based on who I am, what I believe and how I treat others. I wish I had had this knowledge earlier. I am also on weightloss injections and they help me mentally. The weight maintenance is a wonderful bonus but I used to have an obsessive personality and that has calmed down now. I gave up alcohol mid 40s and am also on HRT. I took up a sporting hobby during covid. All these things have been so life changing. Many aspects of life are the same as they were for me 30 years ago - similar job, live in a similar place - but my life feels better (aside from world events). My DD also struggled with her mental health for around 3 years which was very difficult but is slowly starting to heal and that is the best feeling in the world.

I’m 47 and exhausted. I’m awake at 3am and I don’t get back to sleep as ASD DS gets up at 4.30. I’m a teacher and I find it’s takes me much longer to mark and teach as my brain doesn’t seem to work as quickly, I wonder how long I can keep doing this job tbh which is a shame as I e been teaching for 26 years. I’m on HRT and jog 10k 4 times a week to try and keep active but it’s an effort and it never used to be. I’m lucky that I have a wonderful DH, fab kids and always go on holiday every break from school!

Oh yes, grinds my gears to see women torturing themselves with herbal 'remedies', another thing to feel inadequate about when they don't cure the symptoms.

Life is ok, certainly when I compare myself to many women in other countries we have it pretty good here. But if I'd known how my things would actually be, would I have chosen to go on past my thirties? Hmn, possibly not.

I thought menopause would be great - finally no more periods. But it’s just another kind of shit. I hate it.

@Dontfencemein I feel the exact same way regarding work.

I used to love my job and was very good at it now I am struggling to remember basic things and try get through the day without making any major fuck ups.
My confidence is at an all time low and the thoughts of starting a new job and having to learn the ropes is absolutely terrifying.

I never realised menopause could have such a huge impact.

Empty nest now, sacked from career last year. A friend moved abroad. Objectively comfortable but not "winning".

Fighting against the idea that it's all downhill now and I've had my turn..

What CBD oil do use to help you sleep if you don’t mind me asking?

Life from late 40’s has been awful. Menopause hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to fight for HRT due to primary BC many years ago. Then more cancer came my way and that was it. Secondary BC meant I had to stop my HRT and I’m dealing with all the horrid symptoms again. I also have a new cancer which now means permanent chemo until I die. I’ve had to take ill health retirement and feel life as I knew it, is over. My poor kids are only 18 and 21 and they are doing so well. DD is a uni and DS working hard at his job and just passed his driving test. I feel a failure. 😞

Quite different in many many ways. In some ways, I am a beyond. Living the dream, and in others, ‘‘tis all a crock of sh*t.

do oyu mind me asking how/why you are retired and not working? I had a horrific catastrophic psychotic breakdown nine years ago and havent been able to work and I was about ot go into my dream career as an academic. I wonder if I just need to accept I wont work again in the high pressure jibs I used to have

My biggest piece of advice is to start HRT when you get these symptoms. I didn't sleep for 5 years, trying to solve my perimenopause symptoms with natural remedies. I literally lost these years to rage, anxiety, panic attacks when there was no need.

Oestrogen depletion causes so many symptoms you wouldn't realise because we have oestrogen receptors all over our bodies.

I feel physically awful. I am 48yo. Full throes of perimenopause symptoms - weight gain, brain fog, tired all the time, no motivation, erratic periods (anywhere from 13-46 day cycles but usually every 2-3weeks and very heavy). Full on insomnial, restless legs, achy joints, hot flashes. My migraines have increased in frequency. I have had tests and there’s nothing wrong with me. Thyroid seems ok.

The past 6 months have been really hard so I have started weight loss meds, CBD oil and other supplements. Melatonin etc. The CBD oil has done wonders for my sleep quality.

I am very fortunate that I don’t work / retired. So on days I feel like I am running on fumes I don’t have a pressing need to push on. If I was working I feel like I’d be an utter mess 😆

Emotionally I feel quite stable (I am a pretty stoic, introverted person) and have always been that way.