Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

I’m late 50s now but in early 50s was in the throes of peri and feeling pretty rough. I’m now in menopause and things have settled down. I’m on hrt and in my groove but have much less energy that my younger days. That said we’ll be retiring soon so I’m excited about that.

51, horrible peri menopause symptoms, the worst of which are horrendous anxiety and unpredictable sudden flooding. HRT didn't work, I can't take SSRIs. Currently trying Mirtazapine, which seems to be helping a little.
DH medically retired recently with early onset dementia, aged 63. He's in that limbo period of being unable to work due to forgetfulness and confusion, but still perfectly capable of taking care of himself. I spend a lot of my free time answering endless repetitive questions from him.
DD has SEN and anxiety - she's better than she was a year ago, but still has her struggles. Not coping at all with DH's illness - only wants me.
Still working in a physically exhausting job. No chance of retirement. Do not own a property, stuck in rented. Not entitled to a penny in benefits except PIP and CB, as my 'giant' salary of £23k, plus DH's two tiny private pensions pushes us over the threshold.
Safe to say life at this age is not exactly what I imagined as a young woman...

I wouldn’t watch the news. With billions of people there will always be violent conflicts somewhere on the planet. Unless we are senior politicians we don’t need to know about every single of them - it’s completely pointless.

If a conflict is big enough we will learn about it through its consequences without needing to watch pictures of injured people on our TV screens. Reading a couple of newspaper/ online articles every week is more than enough for most people to be sufficiently informed with current affairs. TV news is just misery porn.

I hate the unpredictability of late perimenopause (I'm 50).
I have autism so anything that doesn't follow a regular pattern messes with my head.
Some months I skip a period, other months I have a heavy one. I never know from one month to the next.
I think up until this stage of life my periods were the one thing I could predict. Always regular. Only ever late when I turned out to be pregnant.

I have recently lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly. That has completely floored me.

I struggle mentally - some days I just cry non stop.
My anxiety has reached a whole new level.
My eldest son is severely disabled (non verbal) and turns 27 this year. It breaks my heart to see other young men of his age in their various careers, living independent lives, in relationships, setting up homes and now becoming fathers.

I am in constant pain. If it's not my shoulder, it's my back or my hip or wrist. The pain is all consuming and dominates everything.

I don't think anything could have prepared me for how I would feel right now.

Wow, well done you x

At that age our children left home and we found a 'freedom'. We could be more spontaneous with jus the two of us. That was wonderful. Then I was promoted and we moved to London from a small country town. That was really great.
Physically very tired, needed more sleep and for 2 years I needed to pee every 30 or 40 minutes. The commute was on the limit most mornings. But that got sorted.
During the years you mention, life was very good.

I suspect the lack of energy and certainly libido is down to plummeting testosterone. I felt unexpectedly fantastic at 46 after years of feeling horrid then rapidly declined again. Then found out later there is a 'surge' around that point.

Also the rapid weight gain is a shocker - whole diet had to be reconfigured, sugar had to go, carbs pared right down, no eating after 7 - it's fairly crap but what some women have to do.

Do you mind sharing a link for the CBD oil, please?

Im 57 and feel the same if not better than I have my whole life. Retired from my demanding job 2 years ago, have a fantastic husband and 2 kids one flown one about to. Financially secure and healthy, active in sport and community. Luckily I sailed through the menopause unlike a few of my friends but the ones who went on HRT swear by it.
I don’t think about the future really I just take each day as it comes.
Sad about the world around us though and I’ve came off all social media except mumsnet.

I'm disappointed with how mediocre my life has been. I feel like I'm a rubbish human, because i constantly feel like I'm frantically just surviving each day and not really achieving anything of note. My job is blah. I'm very overqualified but very under confident so have never progressed or chased things, even when encouraged to.

I don't feel like I achieve anything on a daily basis? I feel like so much of what occupies my time are things that reset and need doing every day - like keeping the house clean, shopping and cooking and clearing up after meals. I'm constantly exhausted from the daily tasks, but they're not really achieving anything, are they? I feel like at my funeral, no one will have anything of note to say about me, other than "dinner was always ready by 6.30pm to accommodate the hobbies and lifestyles of everyone else in the house." Or "there was never a shortage of toilet paper or clean pants in our drawers while she was alive."

I'm aware my children are rapidly reaching the ages where they won't really need me much any more and will go off to their own lives. I'm not sure what I'll be left with. I feel like my whole life I have been an empty vessel and I've made putting others first my main identity. I'm not sure how I change that tbh. Mostly, i feel that I've rarely been happy and that i have wasted my life.

I feel a bit bad saying this as I can see lots of you are really struggling but I feel pretty good to be honest.

My 30s were a hard time - infertility, IVF, then non sleeping babies (and felt difficult to admit this was difficult given the infertility/IVF)

My 40s have been much better - the kids are older and much easier. I have made time for exercise and better diet/nutrition. My career is going well. No shade to anyone thinking about this but I was a bit 😮at the idea that this was a stage to start thinking about retirement! I still have loads of time to go in my career, I feel and lots I want to do.

The only thing I have felt is a bit of a loss of connection with DH. We still love each other but sex life has really dwindled.

I'm 53 and feel like shit. Overwhelmed in every area of life, absolutely not what I imagined - not that that really matters, I guess. I'm sitting on a time bomb in terms of health if I continue at this pace without a big overhaul of diet/lifestyle, but can't see a way out financially and have zero headspace for myself.

I'm already on HRT and without it wouldn't be able to manage at all. However, it's only a small sticking plaster at this point. I honestly feel I've had enough and am just slogging away, wasting my life working so much, and waiting for something to take me so I can have a rest. Not proud of that but it's how I feel inside and it's tiring keeping up a normal appearance.

I'm aware that I probably feel this way because I've lost 4 friends in the last 4 years and had endless money/car problems. These have compounded the feeling that I was only just managing even before those started, and I'm now overwhelmed on literally every front. 50 odd days of rain and leaks etc (we're in Devon) haven't helped, but we've seen the odd bit of sun lately - I'm hoping my mood will lift in Spring.

I'm 53 and feel great, better than I ever have. Suddenly went into menopause age 46, after having breast cancer and needing to take tamoxifen afterwards, no menopause symptoms. I feel like I'm buzzing with energy all the time & sleep like a log. I completely changed career aged 50, after sticking in a career for years that I didn't enjoy but was useful for childcare purposes. Absolutely love my new career, smashing it at work, mainly because I'm a whirlwind in the job - I get more done than any of my younger colleagues. At the moment, I don't ever want to retire, but I may feel differently in 10 years time. One child at uni, the other doing GCSEs, both doing well. Marriage is fine, nice house, mortgage paid off. I do have regrets - wished I'd had a 3rd child, and wished we'd moved to a bigger house. We had very good reason to not do either at the time though. A couple of minor health niggles - frozen shoulder and tinnitus, minor anxiety around holidays.
10 years ago I never thought I would be in this position, I thought I would still be in my old career that I hated, and would be frantically trying to save money to retire, and feeling like I'd missed my vocation in life.
Mentally, I'm definitely more stable, calmer and confident than I've ever been. I was a bag of emotions in my 20s, and not really very happy.

Fighting against the idea that it's all downhill now and I've had my turn..

This sums it up perfectly. This should be my time. There is so much I’ve sacrificed and waited for until the DCs were grown up, and now I’m there I just don’t have the energy levels or motivation to want to do any of it. I feel like I’ve missed the boat. The irony is that I now have the time, the money and the freedom to do it all, I just can’t be arsed!

I had an horrendous surgical menopause 6 years ago, and I’ve never managed to get my symptoms under control without severe side effects (chronic migraine). I ache all over, and I am so unbelievably tired even though my bloods are fine. I’m just reaching a point where I’m starting to think that this is it. This is as good as I’m ever going to feel and it’s only going to get worse. I’m clinging to the hope that I’m just a bit depressed and my mood will lift as we go into spring.

I am late forties and feel very good. I think two things help that - being out the other side of peri menopause and giving up alcohol. There was a year or so when I was in the thick of peri menopause where everything felt a bit bleak and so this feels lovely!
Don't get me wrong I’m much poorer and far less successful in my career than I’d imagined, but I’m happy and the most emotionally stable I’ve ever been.

You definitely are not a failure. I hear a strong woman who's had more than her fair share of challenges and managed to keep her kids focused. I hope you have good people looking after you.

I was very fiery and feisty up until my late 30s. Now, ten years later, I really just want to keep the peace. No one is more surprised than me, and people I go out with e.g. my sister, will say "what happened to YOU?" if there's any sort of altercation, say, on the tube, and I let it go. Not a mug by any means, I just hate confronting people now. Not scared. Just can't be bothered.

Also, after 40 years of very heavy and debilitating periods, peri now has me on pretty much one long, permanent period. I'm also riddled with fibroids and it is months between each appointment they're (finally) giving me. Never expected to still be suffering so much at this age.

Nice.

Also this 🙌

I married for the 2nd time at 42 after a horrendous 1st marriage at 22! Im now 53 and retired so my life has become better in many ways. However im now dealing with 2 sets of parents (biological and step) and in laws who are all coming to an age where i worry about them constantly. Fil died in 2023 and my Mil now lives alone at 82 and even though she is very active, we still worry about a fall or illness. My dad has recently been diagnosed with dementia and seems to be going downhill quite fast and is also 80 so i also have the worry of helping out my step-mum without stepping on toes and interferring where she doesnt want it, she is very proud and wants to do all the caring herself. Touch wood my mum and step-dad are still fairly healthy both at 77 but i still worry about what the next few years will bring.

I went through the menopause at 42(after just having baby number 4) I got married at 49, second DH..dgs born that year. I was working ft nights, I did have a job to sleep in the day. By 50,had bought our second door upper. Was cycling, going to the gym. Bullied at work,still nursing big general hospital, which gave me IBS. I was on hrt for 17 years. Second son teenager was getting into trouble at school, usual stuff, unfortunately then physically assaulted by a teacher. Police came round, one said he had a pupil in that school it would be brushed off,it was. Attempted to get a place in another school,was unable to. DH had multiple serious phobias, mental health issues (caused by m walking out when he was 7) but I was in good physical shape .
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53. Feel great. No discernable menopause symptoms. Had horrendous menstrual life for decades finally resolved by a hysterectomy in my 40s so health has been a joy since then... maybe its all relative ? Teenage kids, love them dearly, few pinch points but nothing too serious. Work full time and will do if health allows till 66 as had kids late. But i like my job. Jogging vital to my mental health , and friends. Not a stealth post but eager to say its not all misery at this age ! Am much happier than 40s and more self sufficient. I lost my parents young so aware of the need to make the most of things while I can

I’m financially secure, working on health and fitness (low 4 stone a few years ago and am very good at keeping it off)
Need to improve gym and exercise etc
I feel like I am returning to myself but I am struggling with a big feeling of ‘time running out’

Yeah I don't recognise this feelig yet. I'm 47 - enjoying work and have just taken on a whole new team, I have upped my exercise in recent years including weights and an ambition to master more challenging yoga poses like crow. I am feeling better than ever physically. I look forward to holidays and days out and enjoy new things.

I am just about to talk to.my GP about HRT after my physio recommended it as she feels lack of oestrogen might be the reasons an achilles injury is beong slow to heal.

I’ve just turned 51. I lost my Dad at 47 and had breast cancer at 48 (early catch). Also I’m a marketing freelance and I’ve lost two big contracts in the past 6 months, the clients didn’t renew with the companies I work with so not my fault. My oldest Son went to uni in September and the youngest one is about to do his GCSEs. I think I’ve got better at taking pleasure in the little things the last few years. On the flip side I feel that I have to be more mindful of health now, I’m on Tamoxifen and post menopause. I take different supplements and have started doing some work outs with weights. Today I’m going for a Dexa scan cause I’ve already lost an inch of height. Sleep isn’t always great, I’ve just started taking Magnesium. Don’t understand how you can be on fire all night and then get up in the morning and have to put the heating on. Also, one minute I want to do loads of stuff and go to loads of places and the next minute I want to just watch TV and do my crochet lol

(early fifties) - i feel generally good physically (lost a lot of weight and fitter than ive ever been) - some things are crap (hating going grey, i keep getting injuries/conditions- frozen shoulder, torn achilles etc, bad HRT/hormone impacts)
I'm still working seriously/ambitiously - definitely not on wind down (pretty stressful) and teenager at home- so sometimes feels very different to friends who are winding down/empty nesters but equally i feel older than anyone at work (its the only age ive felt ive had to lie about)- i don't know where anyone above 50 goes