Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

Well that’s because they were creeps who wanted to feel power over women, make them feel uncomfortable and not get any flack back for it. Younger women are always an easier target for that.

I don't feel great. I feel like time is running out.

Ive had cancer twice. Divorce due to his infidelity at 48.
Im now in a fantastic relationship. My kids ( all young adults)though have lost the Dad they knew. All the kids never returned from uni, where they were when thier Dads srcret came out. Im incredibly proud of them but they're all scattered across the country. Thy all still had thier fully furnished bedrooms at home but not one ever returned "home" because I had to relocate for a job and move. I feel one day I had a family, the next I didnt. I grieve that, despite knowing they're achieving great things and doing what they should be in thier 20s.
I had a great job for 3 years post divorce then the meno hit and I ive just spent 2 years out of work. I left due to some kind of anxiety breakdown. Im about to start a new job in 2 weeks but my self esteem has gone. Its lower level employment but im hoping I'll cope better. Ive had 1 other job, but quit after a few weeks as I wasn't coping. So im a little anxious about this new role too.
Im on HRT which has helped but ive lost the old me. Ive lost my oomph and confidence. Im cynical and hate the negative Nelly ive become.
I ve gone from being a size 8 to 10 to a 16 to 18 in 2 years. My diet was always limited and healthy but now it seems even weighing every morsal that passes my lips is a fruitless task. I have changed Personal Trainers several times and now train alone. I walk 7 to 10 miles a day, I weight train 4 days a week. I swim,I garden and play badminton but have lost all my tone and look like a wobbly barrel with an extra round flabby tyre between my belly button and knees. My hair is thinning. Everything is sagging.
Ive stopped socialising because I cant eat, so whilst everyone else meets for lunch or coffee, I cant. I used to go and drink water but staring at people eating nice meals is depressing when you too scared to eat or deviate from a weight loss program thats failing despite 100% being on track. I dont drink alcohol any more so dont socialise with the old fun group I used to hang out with. I miss them.
I can't take Monjaro because its risks linked to the cancer ive had twice.
Basically I feel rage at mother nature for fucking me over, mentally and physically. I feel menopause has robbed me from who i was and the life I loved despite great challenges with cancer and divorce in recent years. I expected to look and feel 50 odd with soft edges and a bit of sagging but not like a fat slob with a passion for junk food.

Im miserable. My appearance has changed so much im not recognisable. This as shallow as it sounds massively impacts my self esteem in ALL areas of my life.
The added insomnia that wakes me for 2 to 4 hours EVERY FUCKING night adds to my dull pallor and eye bags.
My saviour is my partner. He's wonderful. Im so in love. We both share a passion for holidays and travel....thats the one last joy left.

Good for your mum, and you're young yet 😉. The point was easier to illustrate when wolf whistling from building sites was still legal. It's like waking up one day and realising the birds have stopped singing.

Early 50's here. Feel shocking. Insomnia going through menopause is too much, had to go on HRT to make it a little better. It's not the hot flushes keeping me awake, it was just insomnia. I don't want to be on HRT, but there you go.

Other health issues of which I have been asking for help for nearly 3 years (steadily getting worse) with the NHS are not helping. The NHS is really broken, year long waiting lists to see a consultant, who then doesn't listen or decides (incorrectly) what the problem is, discharging me. No joined up thinking in the NHS anymore, it's a get rid of patient off their list place.

Tbh, if I passed tomorrow, I'd not be that sad. Had a very good life, interesting and fun at times but wouldn't want to keep going like this, getting worse. That's not being depressed as actually am not, just matter of fact that I don't want to be around if this is my old age!

My mum was still getting propositioned in her 70s, I’m mid 40s and it just keeps getting better with men for me. I just don’t like how some women are so negative about themselves. Women meet men at any age and have attraction and sexual relationships.
I can understand how someone who has maybe made themselves really unattractive doesn’t get seen by men but not simply because of age.

Late 40s. Own my own house, albeit large mortgage. Am studying and working and the studying is hard but keeping me sharp. Could be further in my career, but that is my choice really. Things generally haven’t worked out as I might have hoped. Would like a partner/ to have had more than one DC. Have always had depression/ anxiety so used to managing it.

I look forward to the future, especially my 50s. I feel anxiety about being alone but also excitement about possibilities. I think the decisive factor for me is I keep fit, I run and gym. I joined a new club recently and made new friends. I study. As long as I am trying new things I think I can stay positive.

I am just grateful to be here, I take pleasure in small things, have learned to manage my anxiety and have set my bar very low to avoid disappointment !

Physically I feel like a wreck, fattest I have ever been and need to lose 8 stone just to be comfortably plump, everything aches, my teeth need work I can't afford, I make noises standing up and sitting down and have to find something to climb up when I get down on the floor, which is unfortunately quite a big part of my job ! I am strong though and rarely ill, so with a bit of self-care I might get back to some sembalence of feeling like a fully functioning human being.

@BloodyBoilingInHere I could have written your post - solidarity.

Why not?

There is, or will be, one day in your life when you realise (often with a jolt) that most men no longer see you as a sexual being.

Whether you enjoy(ed) the attention while it was on you or not, the moment is one that brings home very clearly a transition point in your life stage.

Many women enjoy being sexually attractive to men, I don't know why so many on MN dislike that fact.

Overall I loved my forties and early fifties - I was burnt out due to my career and quit work at 50 (which was great but the burn out wasn’t much fun).
Looking back I had perimenopause symptoms but didn’t know it was that - I know pretty dumb!
I do get a little more tired now but keep active physically and mentally. Fortunately the little things in life have always given me a lot of pleasure. So far I’ve had a pretty happy life - not always but most of the time.
Advice to my younger MN chums - dress younger than your age (within reason) tackle everything with energy, say YES to most things, travel if you can, be there for your kids/partner/friends… and most important of all - don’t overthink and spend hours analysing yourself!

I am 53 next week and for the last 8 years I have been helping to care for my mum who is, now in advanced Alzheimer’s disease. I gave up work 2 years ago to help my dad who doesn’t cope. To say dementia is a wicked disease is no lie, it takes down everyone involved.

I am also deep in perimenopause, discovered 2 years ago I have endometriosis and adenomyosis and last year adhd. I have gone from someone who was always told she looks young for her age and feeling full of vitality to being in pain daily , constant anxiety about my mums health (she was also diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago) nd in deep depression. I feel worn out to the bone and looking and feeling 90 years old whilst the majority of my friends my age are either at the top of their game career wise or going on multiple holidays every year and having funnnow their kids are adults. I, on the otherhand am struggling financially, angry with the world and ready for my bed at 7pm because I’ve frankly, had enough of life.

I hate being a moaner but the truth is I’m jealous and resentful of a lot of people my age and hate myself for saying that but no, this is not what I had envisaged for my 40’s/50’s at all.

Didn’t expect to have so little energy for my kids, wish I had them when I was younger. I had them at age 36 and 38

I didn’t think my young adult children in their early 20s would ‘need’ me so much still. Whilst I’m lucky that they have both just ‘launched’, they still rely on me emotionally and for advice quite a lot. I have no idea if that’s normal or not.

“Losing your physical attractiveness to men” why do women talk about themselves like this, and invisibility.

I’m 47 and life is interesting at the moment. I’m in my first year of an undergraduate degree and all being well, will turn 50 in my qualifying year. It is a job known for stress and burnout, so I’m hoping that when that occurs it’ll be time for retirement!
My lovely DH is supporting me and also my DD (his stepdaughter) through university. Money is a bit tighter but I’m still working a day or two in my previous job - and am enjoying engaging with lots of things that are happening at university and having a bit more free time for now. Youngest will be going to secondary school soon.

Health-wise, I have lost 5 stone over the last year. Still a few to go but am looking the best (in clothes at least) I have in ages and am taking care of my skin, collagen supplements and started HRT a few years ago to deal with the onset of perimenopause symptoms. I do need to start weight training again though - and get on with starting C25K.

The only thing I would love to change is our house. It has always been too small for five of us but DH has refused point blank to think about moving, so am hoping when I have a proper wage coming in I’ll be able to put my foot down.

This!! (I hope you feel better once the weather improves @Nevermind17 )

That expectation that once the kids are more independent, there's a bit more money available, an opportunity to reduce hours at work to make more 'me' time has completely disappeared. Yes, I've reduced hours but only to fit in the housework, chores, helping my elderly parents deal with life and their medical needs/appointments. Watching their decline has been horrible and as another PP said the realisation that I've probably got a 'good' 10 years left (If I'm VERY lucky) followed by a likely 'dodgy' 10 years after that is very sobering.

Meno has been an utter bitch. I'm 56, on HRT but having sporadic bleeding so need a scan. Probably to be told 'yeah you just gotta put up with it' 🙄. The meno rage is off the scale and I hate everyone and everything.

I mean, I was never naïve enough to believe it would all be plain sailing but, fuck me, the last 10 years have been a bit shit tbh.

I’m 45.

i have a two year old and a five year old. I’ve recently lost a lot of weight which has been hanging around since covid so I have a new lease of life in a way.

I am finding work increasingly hard. I just don’t like it (I think I’ve been doing it too long) and not enjoyable and finding it hard to be motivated. But I earn too much

I don’t know about anyone else but I had never really thought about my late 40s/50s. When I was younger envisioning my future, my family, climbing the ladder etc it was always my 30s to early 40s I was picturing. I’ve always struggled to picture my older years, I don’t know what I want for that stage of my life beyond the obvious.

Thankyou, you’ve really lifted my spirits. I trained as a teacher and was top of my game. Eventually I burnt out, but found other jobs in education.

Now I’m reduced to claiming PIP and ESA, until my pension comes through. What kind of role model am I now?

I’m 46 later in the year. Moved NHS trusts at 45 and was he best thing, realise how much my last place was dragging me down.

Peri hit a few years ago. I have symptoms and have managed them so far but they seem to have relaxed a bit recently. The achy joints etc makes you feel older than you are tho! Not yet on HRT. Some friends are.

Health is good apart from that really: I’m fighting to keep active through full time work. I do spin, resistance/strength and yoga. We spend time in nature and walk a lot. Which really helps the anxiety of peri for me. I eat well nutritionally but not perfectly. No retirement anywhere near tho! I can take part of my nhs pension at 60 but i’ll still be working in some capacity. No friends anywhere near either.

Im happy, have a relaxed lovely relationship. We are like best mates cheesy but true. I catch up with a small group of friends. Have nice holidays and trips away. My dad stresses me out as he ages and more things with his health occur but hey that’s part of getting older and we lost mum many years ago. So i’ll take that to have him stil here.

I'm past your age band but of course I've been there 😄

I sailed through the menopause with lots of night sweats and a few night terrors as I was dropping off to sleep. I used to slap myself to wake myself up so I could fall asleep properly, otherwise stuff got quite frightening!

I did retire from full time work at 51 on a private pension, and didn't noticeably lose energy until around 60. I backed my last 3 year old horse at 63. None of that was in my plans at 25.

It was liberating to reach a stage where I had nothing to prove to anyone.

If both partners are going are going to retire early then you either need to be on the same page as to how life should be from there on, or you need strong independent lives outside the relationship so you are almost using leisure activities as your work routine.

We should start another thread for 60 to 70, because that's really where the wheels feel of for me and the OH physically. Make the most of your 50's!

My forties were hard: diagnosed with bowel disease at 40, breast cancer at 45. Marriage collapsed two weeks before I turned 50 and I am now in the throes of a divorce. Sleeping is terrible, energy levels on the floor, and I am emotionally wrecked by the end of my marriage which I thought was for life. Terrified about money because my career took a back seat while DS was small and pensions are negligible. Now working full time and will do for the rest of my life I suspect.

On the plus side, my female friendships have flourished in my forties and I feel buoyed up by the amazing women who have stuck by my side far more consistently than my husband ever did.

I am now 57, I retired 18 months ago. I hit late peri/menopause during the covid years working as a front line ICU nurse 4-5 13hr night-shifts a week. The hot flushes dressed in full plastic PPE were off the scale awful, I was barely sleeping and everything hurt. I couldn't access HRT. I didn't acknowledge it at the time but I totally burnt out. I changed jobs into something I had wanted to do for a long time, completed a rigorous training and managed a year before I just couldn't do it anymore. I had never imagined myself not working and my job was one that I really loved until I didn't. The impact on my mental and physical health was profound.

I have devoted this last 18 months to rest and recovery, I am fitter than I have been in 30 years, my physical and mental health are great (I have a fabulous integrated medicine Doctor who has sorted out the hormones).

I am very financially secure, successfully raised my kids to adulthood and no longer give the tiniest shiniest shit what other people think which is so liberating.
My husband will retire this year and we will be off to see the bits of the world we have not yet seen (if Trump hasn't blown the place to shit)

In short my life is totally different to how I imagined it at 20 but immensely better.

I don't think I ever really thought about my 50's. It always seemed so far away, its definitely creeper up on me when my back was turned.

Physically, I have chronic hip bursitis. I manage fine day to day but it has had a huge impact on ability to exercise. My boobs have also tripled in size thanks to menopause so exercise is difficult all round, cannot do anything high impact at all.

Ive gained atound 3 stone, again since menopause, so in terms of health I am definitely not where I wish I was.

I have seen a significant increase in my anxiety. And I can't take hrt so am managing my symptoms the best I can.

I started my current career later in life. So I have colleagues only a couple of years older who have retired and returned (nhs) but I know I'll be working till state retirement age.

But I am generally content and grateful for what I have. I have a job I love. We are by no means we'll off or even comfortable built we can afford to pay the bills each month and have a holiday a year.

Dc's are older teenagers, they are healthy, working hard at school and uni. They have their own issues but with support are generally thriving.

So while things could definitely be better / different, I feel generally ok overall.

I didn’t expect to be divorcing and starting my life over completely.