Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

My life hasn't turned out how I expected, and the young version of me would have been horrified to know how I was going to end up. At this stage I'm used to it and I honestly don't really care. I can still find things I enjoy.

I'm 43 so a bit younger. I thought my dc would need me less by now. I thought I would have more money. I thought my body would be less damaged by pregnancy.

Sorry to intrude, but I've been using Trip CBD Oil Dream Drops 3000mg 30ml and it is excellent. I'm a chronic bad sleeper and this has helped me so much. You can buy it at Boots and it's currently on 3 for 2, so it's worth trying and then stocking up if it works for you. Honestly, it's probably the best shop one I've bought (and I've tried several!)

51 this year and feel good. In the throes of the menopause (no period for 8 months now) but, touch wood, have been let off lightly. Aches and some insomnia but little else. Feel very happy in and of myself - kids are 11 and 14 - would have liked them a little earlier but wasn't to be - so keep me young, but are independent enough so I dont feel absolutely shattered. Happily married with plans to retire in approx 10 years (and get rid of the mortgage) and see the world at our own pace. Both sets of parents independent and fit. Long may it continue - we try and eat well and look after ourselves. Dont feel that the best years are over, but certainly feel a sense of mortality that I didnt have even 10 years ago.

I’ve had no problem with sexual dysfunction. My sex life is better than ever post-hysterectomy. The only problem is that the following day my back is breaking and I ache all over (even when it’s been gentle)! Sometimes it’s not worth the pay off.

I'm 53 and peri/menopause floored me from about 48-52 - I really wasn't prepared for that. Or the weight gain, I put on weight for the first time in my life.
I do feel a little bit like I'm running out of time - there's so much I still want to do. I care less about my career, in that I'm less afraid to turn jobs down and I definitely don't put up with arsehole clients these days and I might go more part time but I can't see me ever fully retiring.

I am 55. Currently sitting on a sunny terrace taking a break on a ski holiday. I'm still actively skiing and fit. I have a great DH at home looking after the teenager whilst I am away with girlfriends. I have an amazing job that I love, BUT I did have an awful 2 years where I walked out on a job, took my employers to court (and won). Had to take a couple of crappy jobs just for the income. So, yes, life does get tough, but you do come out the other side. HRT has also been my friend, as well as a lot of self care. Good luck!! M

I am 55. Currently sitting on a sunny terrace taking a break on a ski holiday. I'm still actively skiing and fit. I have a great DH at home looking after the teenager whilst I am away with girlfriends. I have an amazing job that I love, BUT I did have an awful 2 years where I walked out on a job, took my employers to court (and won). Had to take a couple of crappy jobs just for the income. So, yes, life does get tough, but you do come out the other side. HRT has also been my friend, as well as a lot of self care. Good luck!!

I don't think I've ever had any clear expectations of my future. Did I want to achieve this or that by a certain age? Yes and I achieved that. Did I have a fully formed and detailed plan of how everything would look like by my certain age? No, and I'm happy I've never had.

Yes, true for me too. I've gone from being really active and fit to feeling like washing up is like climbing a mountain. I just want to sit down again as so so tired and my body hurts. It's incredibly hard to keep fit when this is the reality.

@Disturbia81 what I was saying is that men no longer look at me and make it obvious they want to get to know me based on looks alone. Of course I could still be found attractive by a man but it would more likely to be following a period of getting know what I am about. I much prefer this. It wasn’t meant as a negative comment.

Absolutely!! Even stuff like my joints suddenly starting to ache again after the surge has passed!

HRT should be replacing this lack of oestrogen, but it's currently not really working it seems. I was on the patches but they seemed to stop working, had a blood test and my oestrogen was low. Went on the gel and soon started to feel sub- par again. I've had another blood test and I'm seeing the GP next week to discuss results. If it turns out I'm not absorbing the gel, we will consider oral oestrogen.

I think for me it's having LOST that part of my life due to long-term conditions and injuries. I do as much as I can but now I have to pay for physio all the time to keep active. It's so expensive! It's like keeping an old banger on the road: possible but expensive and bits keep getting worse. I used to be a sportscar...

I've already got front and back prolapses, but not enough to operate. I'm worried the whole tent will fall out...

Also most of my friends who have had hysterectomies seem to have just given up on sex completely!!!!

53 here. Career took off in my 40s. Only what I want to do is my creative side hustle full time but we can't afford it and the rise of AI makes it even riskier to try. Mortgage still needs to be paid, pension needs to get to a reasonable state, DC need support.

The reality is that on the surface it all looks great but I am close to burning out. My commute is long, last year was very stressful with me as sole breadwinner and I now have breast cancer. I am not just not on HRT but on oestrogen blockers so double whammy having gone through a horrific peri in my 40s. I can't sleep. Trying to take it one day at a time but this is not how I envisioned the uni and beyond years.

Gosh that's so hard, you've been through an awful lot. I just wanted to say you're absolutely not a failure, very far from it!

You sound amazing actually. And you must be very proud of your DC.

48 and extremely tired most of the time trying to get fitter but it's hard because I feel drained. Also agree with you. Op about time. Feeling like it's moving really fast? Like there's not much left that might be a knock-on effect from losing both my parents but it's not a pleasant feeling. I also lack of enthusiasm for anything things I used to enjoy. Just feel like an effort!

On paper I'm doing okay. I have a rubbish job bar that fits in really well with my lifestyle and financially we're okay but I just feel flat.

So having read all 80+ replies, there is a very definite pattern emerging:

1. Those who feel great or are very upbeat & positive almost all have included exercise & fitness as being a big part of their life.
2. Those who feel shit rarely mention exercise or fitness or if they do it's lapsed, not possible, not a priority etc.

I'm in the feel shit camp so this isn't a judgement but it has really made me take think about how I feel in general and question why I'm not prioritising my health more.

I had my womb out due to a giant fibroid, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done! No periods, no risk of pregnancy, no pain. Sex is better than ever. Why do you think you’ll lose sexual function?

I was looking forward to this stage of life, but didn't realise how physically and mentally awful I would feel. I was always incredibly fit and mentally healthy, but it's like my body and brain have been slightly poisoned.

Can't have HRT due to fibroids - awaiting hysterectomy, but utterly terrified about that and scared of losing my sexual function.

That feeling that 'my time has passed' is exactly it. I'm on a downward trajectory and the ending is going to be bad.

P.S. It's also sniper's alley - seeing friends with terminal illnesses brings home the above, but also DOES make me grateful for the good days.

@Ovasaurus can you tell me more about this integrated health practitioner? Are they medically trained ie actual doctor or it it just focus on alternative medicine? Someone who could look at everything from hormones to lifestyle, nutrition and alternative medicines sounds amazing.

I hadn’t seen that mounjaro is linked to cancer??

@crackofdoom

I get the crazy surge of motivation and horniness around when I ovulate - much more dramatic than when i wasn't perimenopausal. It doesn't happen every month, but when it does it is definitely bittersweet as I find the fatigue and low mood after it dips so much more pronounced. Almost like 3 days of feeling young and full of energy is inevitably followed by a massive pendulum swing in the opposite direction.

@Theonlyfatmiddleagedwomannotonmonjaro

Have you had your thyroid checked? Thinning hair and that kind of weight gain are symptoms.

I remember for my 50th birthday (2 years ago on Saturday), I had a massive party and was the last one on the dance floor. I suddenly don't feel like that any more. I'm going for a few drinks with friends at the weekend and am fighting the feeling that I'd rather be at home on the sofa.

I hate being like this- I'm self employed, about to start an additional p/t job that I'm really excited about but is pretty demanding, and still have a teenager and a 10 year old. Basically I can't slow down right now, but I feel that I've lost my mojo and I hate it!

I'm on HRT but it doesn't seem to be working well enough (got a GP appointment next week to discuss). Interestingly, at the weekend I got a surge of energy (and felt surprisingly horny 🤔), which corresponded with the time in my "cycle" when I would normally ovulate, so my guess is my body is still producing a bit of a surge of oestrogen (testosterone?) at times, which makes it clearer what I'm lacking at other times!