Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

Live your life to the full until the end.
Start today.

Sylk lube is good but don’t always need it. Vaginal estriol cream( Ovestin) is good and everyone should be using it to avoid atrophy. It’s 2 weeks of daily use and then just twice a week.

I guess it’s different levels of health issues.

Yes dealing with menopause sucks add in arthritis. But when I was at that stage I only really worried about money and cost of living etc. the health stuff was frustrating but not insurmountable.

But health issues like cancer or CHF really focuses the mind and you realise (too late maybe) what is truly important. I would swap all my money /
house etc for a working heart.

@Moveyourbleedingarse - it doesn’t really bother me, tbh. But it took a while to find one that suited us - Eros was recommended to us and we really like it.

I found silk or silk style material knickers works to cut the friction. Just a thought if you haven't tried it plus Yes vegan lube.

Life hasn't chnaged much since my early 30s. More tired, menopause sucks

@Dery the necessary introduction of lube is another hideous menopause symptom.

I bloody hate it. It makes me feel sick touching it. We use Yes water based.

But needs must!

@Moveyourbleedingarse - fanjo feels great. We use lube to DTD but that’s fine. We find Eros (lube) to be particularly good.

Ok thanks everyone

I’d like to ask the post meno women: when everything settles down, does the fanjo ever stop feeling awful?

@Newstartplease24 You need to use vaginal estrogen forever.
I've used it for years.

The cream can sting but you get through that phase once it starts working and your skin thickens. Perservere.

not sure if it's what I expected necessarily but at 47 I feel generally content. I recognise that this is due to combination of luck and good choices. In terms of luck, I have no serious health issues, neither do my husband or kids. My parents are still alive and also in reasonable health and not yet reached the stage where they need a lot of time and support. (I realise that time is coming) In comparison to many of my peers, I am lucky. In terms of good choices; we both work in a secure field (teaching), that whilst not earning highly is enough to offer a stable level of financial security and is AI proof , for now at least.

My marriage is generally happy , I chose a good man and I try to recognise that and be grateful for it. We are through the trenches of early child rearing and not yet hit teen drama so feel we are in a good, predictable place with them. Perimenopause actually brought a delightful increase in libido, which I have embraced and has strengthened my relationship. HRT has taken away some of the unpleasant symptoms like insomnia and aching joints.

WLI have led to 5 stone weight loss so I am looking and feeling much better and have more energy than I did 3/4 years ago. Right now, life is pretty good but I know from friends' life experiences things can change in an instant so i am trying to make the most of this now.

Try the gel Blissel it’s much gentler I couldn’t get on with the pessary or cream at all both made me very sore. Make sure it is that gel as my GP thought I meant cream as they’d not prescribed it before.

Mine isn’t sore day to day but sex is still painful. I’d expected sex to be awesome once periods stopped…… that didn’t happen vaginal atrophy did instead which is sure fire way to kill your sex drive off.

Yeah but everything stings and feels really fragile. Some days I tolerate the cream better than others but I think it’s a bit better than not. Everything is just hypersensitive and every intervention is bad at least at first

Are you using vaginal oestrogen? If not, you need to be.

Estriol cream twice a week or more for a few weeks and then twice a week. Some women with bad vaginal atrophy need it more often and for longer at first.

It doesn't count as HRT.

It’s easy to say glibly that health is the most important thing but for some, the fact is that a balancing act between health and earning a living is required. If I had the money I’d go part time and get a personal trainer and the quality of my life would improve 300%. I’d sleep 8 hours a night, exercise every day and cook great food. I wish I could look after my health properly and I had no idea how lucky I was when I was younger to have time for gym and cooking - I took it all for granted. I mean I did it, I just thought it was basic and had no idea how much the demands of life can strip away from you and actually basic autonomy over personal care

I thought I would gradually increase seniority at work and have great pay and a team to do grunt work by now. Since I was about 42 that progression just stopped happening: those jobs don’t exist. Everyone at the level I “should” be at and above has been made redundant and I have changed career and am retraining with people much younger. It’s hard work and I’m exhausted. I’m 54.
my kids are great and although I worry about them and their future, they keep me going.
my health is sliding off a cliff partly due to over work and lack of time and energy to take care of myself.
I’d like to ask the post meno women: when everything settles down, does the fanjo ever stop feeling awful?

I think things can change
I am in my 60's now and had multiple miscarriages in my 30's which were very hard to cope with. In my 40's and 50's I had 2 injuries each left me on crutches for months on end. Low mood with menopause etc.
Now I am working FT in an interesting ( but very demanding ) job with an excellent salary and decent pension. My children are young adults and are lovely. DH and I still get on well. My parents are elderly but reasonably fit. I am travelling, seeing friends and family, going to the gym regularly and generally enjoying life.
I do know it could all turn in an instant so echo those who say enjoy it while you can but also although sadly some posters are in situations that won't improve for many it is a dynamic situation and may not be all doom and gloom in the future.

I agree that others are very lucky with genes. I think it makes a huge difference how you are doing at this age, especially either with perimenopause or other health problems.

I looked after myself really well when I was younger, very fit, ran half marathons, ate well.

Unfortunately none of that gave me much protection from problems right after a concussion, post concussion syndrome, and subsequent iatrogenic injury from an off label antipsychotic. Having a movement disorder that was caused by the drug has made me feel older from aged 34, when at nearly 45 I probably would have been in ruder health now.

I know my adoptive mum says she has great genes, and I do envy her quite a bit. I often wonder how I might hsve been genetically with hers. And I know that I shouldn't blame my drug addict birth parents for my health issues, but occasionally I do. I feel awful saying that, so i try not to think it too much.

@greengreyblue sorry 🫣

Read my post- I said health conditions aside.

Yes I get this too. I’ve been so depressed at each worsening but if health news that I would cry every night. But I got to the stage where I did practice gratitude for the tiniest things and it helped.

@greengreyblue its really not all about attitude.

Once you've had a set of surgeries and all the attendant anxiety that brings, plus failed surgery that means I'm slightly incontinent, pulled tendons that stop you walking as far as you'd like and bone crushing tiredness, attitude can only get you so far!

Yes I stay slim and lift weights and exercise and put make up on for work and take HRT. But I also go to bed by 8pm every night and the idea of having to go out for dinner makes me cry!

It's about your mindset.

The best advice given to me (it was by a consultant dr) was practice gratitude.
Count your blessings every day, change what you can, accept what you can't, and be happy.

Happiness is a state of mind that you can choose, or not choose.

My lovely DM always said ‘ Some people were old when they were young’’ It’s true; it’s all about attitude( health conditions aside) to life . I have no plans to retire and don’t see myself as old or ready to do that. DH is 53 and in great shape. I still enjoy clothes and make up, interior design and looking after myself and my marriage. DC are young adults( 1 still at home) so at nearly 55 it’s the era where I have time to myself. I am loving weight training at home at the moment and actually look forward to it every other day.

Keep meeting new people and doing new things.