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Original poster

No gift for 40th birthday

92 replies

MonsoonRainbow · 03/03/2026 20:44

I turned 40 in December and many of my friends are also turning 40 within a few months of each other. A group of us a very close and have been friends for over 20 years. We have been through many life events together and have always been there for each other. For each friends 40th we have all contributed money to get a joint gift, usually a piece of jewellery.
I have contributed to each friends gift but here's the thing.. my birthday came and went and I did not receive anything from my close group of friends. Two of them didn't even say Happy birthday to me. Since my birthday we have had others in the group turning 40 and we have been discussing, organising and buying gifts for them. It is as if my birthday was forgotten or ignored, I am not sure which. I am feeling very hurt yet. I would like to know what others think of this, why have I been left out?

OP posts:
Myfluffyblanket · 03/03/2026 22:30

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

Okey dokey.
For your fortieth birthday I'm going to buy you a thing that helps you to read the room.

Madarch · 03/03/2026 22:23

I've been there too and it sucks. Especially when you STILL keep getting added to birthday whip round whatsapp groups. I binned them all off and got dogs instead. Fuck em.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 03/03/2026 22:07

I’m sorry to hear that, it stinks. I would probably withdraw from the group (not advising you do). December birthdays are still birthdays and come around in exactly the same 12 month cycle as all the others.

crunchycrackers · 03/03/2026 22:02

I’ve been forgotten at work on the birthday rota and a Secret Santa once and while that’s a bit different it’s still not nice. I quietly stopped contributing to collections after it happened over a few years.

In this case of friends forgetting, I would do the same and stop contributing to group presents.

Haveyouanyjam · 03/03/2026 22:02

Did you have a birthday party/meal/event? And have the others? Only acceptable thing here is if they have all thrown birthday celebrations and you didn’t. I usually always give friends’ kids a present but may forget if they haven’t had a birthday party/mentioned in advance and generally they’re the same.

Otherwise I would mention it to the person I am closest to out of the group to ask if there was a reason? Hopefully they then take the hint they’ve all been shit and rectify it.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 03/03/2026 21:57

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

Did you want congratulations for this? A little pat on the back perhaps 😒

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 03/03/2026 21:56

So there have been birthdays after yours that have had contributions requested? What was said when you pointed out that yours appeared to have been forgotten? Because you did point this out right? Please tell me you haven't just silently contributed because why on earth would you??

OriginalUsername2 · 03/03/2026 21:49

I can’t think of a single excuse that would suffice but if this was me I’d have to ask just for my own sanity and self-respect. I’d do it when someone else birthday is mentioned, face to face so I could see their responses. I’d tell them it hurt.

I could never leave someone out in a friend group like this and I’d expect the same consideration back.

Cantdoitalll · 03/03/2026 21:46

This is incredibly hurtful.
Do you have one close friend in the group you could ask?
Personally I would have to pull back from these friends. I have had many instances of observing awful bitchy behaviour, when younger I stayed quiet but now I call it out.

I hope you get an answer OP.

BlimeyOReillyO · 03/03/2026 21:38

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

🏅

MrsLizzieDarcy · 03/03/2026 21:35

Call them out on it, OP.

Send a message and say that going forwards it may be best to be consistent about birthdays especially milestone ones as it's hurtful when they get ignored/forgotten like yours was but others get remembered.

Let them know it was upsetting. If you don't stand up for yourself, you won't be respected.

stapletonsguitar · 03/03/2026 21:29

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

Good for you

Happyjoe · 03/03/2026 21:28

I know my dear friends birthdays, I remember them too.

Sorry, I'd be peed off too.

coolcahuna · 03/03/2026 21:23

That's really crap. Did you have an event or gathering for yours? I'm wondering if they genuinely forgot?

Aquarius91 · 03/03/2026 21:21

This is really hurtful OP. You’ve every right to be upset. But, you seem like a close group, why haven’t you asked? It’s fine to express your disappointment and hurt, it doesn’t need to be confrontational. Explain it isn’t about the actual gift but the lack of thought.

mondaytosunday · 03/03/2026 21:19

I’ve got a group of good friends and I may be vaguely aware of the month of their birthday but that’s it. Usually some one asks ‘hey isn’t it X’s birthday soon’? Or X may well mention what her plans are with her family and that will jolt us into action, which used to be a sizeable joint present but is now just treating the birthday girl to a nice brunch or lunch.

Allseeingallknowing · 03/03/2026 21:19

Readingsloth · 03/03/2026 21:15

Oh look. A response that is completely out of context and unhelpful to the poster. She isn’t throwing her toys out the pram because she didn’t get a present. She’s put out that she has been treated differently in a friendship group of supposed equals.

Of course she’s not wrong to be upset by this. But I completely understand how awkward you might feel about raising it.

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👏👏👏

Allseeingallknowing · 03/03/2026 21:19

What’s the matter with people? Why so hurtful?

gamerchick · 03/03/2026 21:18

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

People who don't care less about gifts tend to have learned that from an early age. It protects their feelings.

gamerchick · 03/03/2026 21:17

Two of them didn't even say Happy birthday to me

So the rest did?

I'd opt out of any more gift stuff.

Readingsloth · 03/03/2026 21:15

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

Oh look. A response that is completely out of context and unhelpful to the poster. She isn’t throwing her toys out the pram because she didn’t get a present. She’s put out that she has been treated differently in a friendship group of supposed equals.

Of course she’s not wrong to be upset by this. But I completely understand how awkward you might feel about raising it.

Allseeingallknowing · 03/03/2026 21:13

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2026 20:45

Probably forgotten.

So you remind people.

Surely there’s a list of everyone’s birthdays!

Peacexbliss · 03/03/2026 21:11

Im 40 this december and could not care less about gifts.

Arlanymor · 03/03/2026 21:02

anddeepbreathandsigh · 03/03/2026 20:59

Because MN can be a safe space to say out loud things that have hurt you and allow you to think it through before tackling something in real life. It’s one of the things I find so helpful about MN

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Surely the better route would be to ask the question and then come back to ask for advice based on the answer. Otherwise all of our suggestions are dancing in the dark. And also it’s the kind of thing that leads to drip feeds in my experience..

firstofallimadelight · 03/03/2026 21:02

I agree with above post, I would say “I noticed I didn’t get a group gift for my 40th in December , are people doing individual gifts/no gifts going forward?” Then just say so you know where you are.
Whatever the response I would not be contributing to group gifts at all
Likelihood is people forgot/had lots going on but it’s really crap no one owned it and apologised