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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give my daughter meals she probably won’t like?

132 replies

jey91 · 03/03/2026 19:52

My 4 year old DD is probably what’s labeled an extreme picky eater (but I don’t think arfid). She has always been a very picky eater despite my best efforts to do everything by the book. I tried my best not to pressure her, introduced a wide variety of food, always ate with her etc.

I have been generally feeding her meals I know she likes but encouraging her to try new foods which she very rarely does. There are some foods she will eat with no pressure (eg pasta where I can hide some veggies) and some foods she would only eat with the tv on and if I feed her. I know this isn’t good but I figured it’s better she has exposure to the food. Now that she’s turned 4 I’m getting really worried and fed up of it so I’m making her meals that o know she may not like and telling her she won’t be getting anything different until the next mealtime.

my issue is that it’s leading to huge meltdowns when she is hungry and doesn’t want what I’ve cooked. I stand my ground but it’s extremely difficult and stressful. For example, yesterday I gave her favourite pasta but I mixed in some meatballs. She refused to eat it and kept asking for snacks then after about an hour it turned into a total meltdown before eventually she agreed to have a few bites but she was hysterically crying for a long time before this. Before bed she was very hungry so I gave her a banana. Today was a similar situation where she kept asking for something else before having a total meltdown.

sorry this post is long but I want to know if anyone else has had similar experiences and if my approach is causing unnecessary distress for us all? I hired a feeding therapist about 18 months ago and it was no help at all. None of the standard tricks work with her as I feel there’s a strong sensory element. She gets very upset at new foods. I know all parents want their kids to eat healthy but I absolutely love cooking and baking, I’m a SAHM and spend my days making her and my 18mo meals and snacks that I think are healthy and it’s making life really difficult having to make 2/3 meals

OP posts:
WhatAMarvelousTune · 03/03/2026 20:07

I was alway an incredibly fussy eater - I’m still not great. My mum is a great cook, and I’ve got two siblings who’ll eat anything.

My advice is do not make food an issue. At about 8 I got so stressed about food I basically stopped eating all together, and actually lost a large amount of weight.
Serve something she likes, put something new on the side, and then do not comment. Even if she eats it all, resist the urge to praise. Give “pudding” (some fruit or plain yoghurt etc) at the same time as the main course. So maybe her plate will be some pasta she likes, something new like the meatballs next to it, and a banana.

Give her a multivitamin so you can be a bit happier that she’s getting some vitamins - yes a nice balanced diet is a better source, but she doesn’t have that so give a vitamin.

Getting her involved in cooking is a good idea. It might not work, I cook things all the time for my DDs that I’m not prepared to eat myself - I just want them to eat more than I do!

TheEllisGreyMethod · 03/03/2026 20:05

My daughter is similar and I've found insisting she tries things she doesn't feel able to is worse long run. My daughter is also underweight so I've had to prioritse meals she will eat.
I also think my daughter's is sensory and she is currently having weekly play therapy with ot about eating, textures etc. it's early days so not much difference yet.
I think keeping mealtimes peaceful and ensuring she eats something is always a priority.

rainforestalliance · 03/03/2026 20:04

I honestly really believe it’s down to luck whether you end up with a fussy or restrictive eater, and little to do with parenting. Most very ‘fussy’ eaters I know have underlying ND issues, also know multiple parents who have a very restrictive eater but their other children eat anything and everything.

Katemax82 · 03/03/2026 20:02

I did this with my stepson. If I could go back and slap myself I would

alexdgr8 · 03/03/2026 19:59

Have you posted about this before?
Sounds familiar.
Anyway please stop causing unnecessary distress to your daughter. If this is for real.
You must know that withholding food and demanding that she eat certain types of food and all the upset you are causing her is the way to start a life long eating disorder.
As well as being cruel.

selondon28 · 03/03/2026 19:59

There was a thread on here recently called “fussy eating five-year-old…at my wits end“, which was posted by someone with similar issues and a number of us shared our experience. Unfortunately many of us with older children who have experienced this are doing things like a separate meals or catering in some different way. Because the absolute core advice you receive is not to make food to battleground, which it very much is for you at the moment. So annoying as it is to cater differently for it’s really important that she is able to eat something she is comfortable with if it is within healthy bounds etc. Anyway, check out that thread, as it will have a lot of people sharing experience in response to a similar question to yours.

constantnc · 03/03/2026 19:58

Try to always have something safe she will eat on the plate. So yes the pasta, rather than mix the meatballs in put them in the side, put other bits she may or may not eat (1 of each) and let her get on with it.
No reactions just a have you finished at the end of the meal.
If she's hungry she will struggle so always having 1 or 2 safe foods should ensures she does eat something every mealtime.
Get her really involved with cooking & serving the meal, and suggesting the menu, these things can really encourage eating too.