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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say something in this situation....

29 replies

CantGetAnythingRight · 03/03/2026 15:16

I job share with someone who admittedly I cannot stand. She's rude, passive aggressive, and deliberately obstructs me from doing my work (e.g. saving things on her own work area instead of a share drive so I don't have access, refusing to send me key information via email, the list goes on). She's well known across the organisation - NHS Trust - for being awkward and if anyone pulls her up she uses the excuse of having a previous traumatic brain injury which has left her with epilepsy (which is true but has minimal impact on her day to day work). As such, she's been allowed to pretty much make up her own job as she goes along - bearing in mind we are in an 8a position and the majority of work that she does is Band 3/4 at the most. I have raised this repeatedly with our manager who assured me it would be dealt with... until the individual went on long-term sick.

Because she does so little of the actual job, I haven't been asked to pick up much in her absence - two key tasks that take maybe 2-3 hours a week. However, as she doesn't do most of the job I've already been spending over and over my hours on evenings, weekends, days off, to get the job done. Boss is aware - doesn't give a shit, I ended up in tears on a call last week because of the stress and pressure. Now our General Manager has gone off sick too because of it, he wasn't listened to when raising issues with our boss either.

She's now back and working 75% of her hours this week (full-time hours). I have managed to hand over one of the tasks with a fight but she's point blank refused to do the other. Because our boss thinks he's doing me a favour by taking it off me he's given it to a Band 4 to do - an 8a task. I know she can't do it and plus it's time critical for first thing in the morning this week so I often work late on Tuesdays to get it done whereas she shouldn't and won't. So of course this week I have to pick it up again!

I don't think IABU to raise it but need advice on how not to play absolute holy hell with her and him. I'm already a woman on the edge with stress levels (I have MH issues to start with, plus ASD and have already been off one day last week after my 'nervous breakdown - I jest of course). I have a new job to move into - same role, different manager and no job share - but no start date as yet.

OP posts:
Goldfsh · 03/03/2026 15:46

What outcome do you want?

Having worked in the NHS, these battles are utterly pointless. They will never get rid of staff, and therefore never properly manage poor performance. You need to work out how to manage working hours in the interim period where you wait for your new role.

CantGetAnythingRight · 03/03/2026 15:44

Friendlygingercat · 03/03/2026 15:41

Why not develop some illness yourself just slow down and let the work pile up? Let your manager deal with the resulting chaos. When challenged you say that rather than taking time off sick with stress you are trying to pace yourself to avoid a breakdown. This is something I did when I stopped doing stuff at home and tasks piled up. I asked the boss if he would like to discuss this matter further with my union rep present and he backed off sharpish. Its true to say I was already weeks from handing in my notice to go to uni so it was a matter of indifference to me.

I'm not in the union - partly because the woman causing me all the problems is a union rep! (And I think that's partly why she's been allowed to do whatever she likes). Thing is my boss knows I'm overloaded but won't address it - but if things do pile up I will get the shit from elsewhere around why it hasn't been done.

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 03/03/2026 15:41

Why not develop some illness yourself just slow down and let the work pile up? Let your manager deal with the resulting chaos. When challenged you say that rather than taking time off sick with stress you are trying to pace yourself to avoid a breakdown. This is something I did when I stopped doing stuff at home and tasks piled up. I asked the boss if he would like to discuss this matter further with my union rep present and he backed off sharpish. Its true to say I was already weeks from handing in my notice to go to uni so it was a matter of indifference to me.

simpledeer · 03/03/2026 15:26

I would take some time off to get your MH in shape before you start your new job.

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