To say that when dating, you should never tell a man you’re alone is this world?

The abusers are good at hiding their red flags. Sometimes there are no red flags. Red flags, by their nature, would be obvious. That is why they are called Red Flags. Narcissistic people hide behind charm. These words sounds like you're putting the 'blame' on the abused when it is the abuser who acts. It doesn't matter if woman are vulnerable or strong. Either can be a challenge to the abuser.

@WaryLilacRaven i can understand but then you could say eg 3 lies but then those lies have to be true,

'A watchful uncle' also sounds to me like the kind of uncle you'd always avoid having to hug at Christmas.

That isn't how abuse works.

Sorry what? This is even more batshit than the OP.

?

It makes no sense, why on earth would a female need to lie? we keep on being told women are as intellligent as men but I am less and less seeing evidence of this

If a woman can't stand on her own 2 feet when dating she needs to stop, we left Jane Austen back when it was written or I would have thoguth so

Are women not responsible for their own decisions and thoughts or do they need men to do their thinking for them?

If the person you're dating becomes a partner you would surely have to reveal, eventually, that you had invented this protector? He might be offended that you assumed he was out to do you harm. I wouldn't necessarily tell a first date that I live alone any more than I would tell them my address but I don't think outright lying is a good idea.

I'm 60. I'm not sure an invented protective 85-100 year old father figure would put the willies up a potential abuser.

On the other hand, my 50 year old female mate could terrify anyone if need be (even though she's lovely).

This.

Bizarre advice.

"If you don’t have a present father figure, invent one. A watchful uncle. A retired pastor. A protective godfather. Someone whose name you can casually drop in conversation."

This is surely the best ever Top Tip from Viz.

Any Mumsnetters looking for a side hustle? How about some kind of online matching service for women and father figures? RetiredPastors4U? PlentyMoreUncles?

I don’t assume every man is some sort of manipulative abusive creep. Most are good. I’m not going to start lying - and not sure some uncle is any sort of protector anyway!

I like this idea. Will my imaginary uncle be able to give me away, or buy me a house?

Yes. Also I think that a lack of family puts decent men off.

@WaryLilacRaven

Where do you live, OP? What you have written suggests a very rural area of the States, as someone has suggested.

Since when has starting a relationship on a lie been a good idea?

And yet you're saying 'I'm not saying it stops them'? 😳

That's clearly not what I'm saying?

I'm saying that when people think that you have men in your life who will protect you, they are less likely to see you as someone who they can bully and abuse.

I'm not saying it stops them. But I am saying that when someone you're dating sees that theres no-one there to defend you or look our for you, they will give them the green light to take advantage.

All of society is like that tbh

As a woman who is on her own, I've learned that its best to invent someone so that predators are warned off.

Its an awful truth 😓

It's very obvious that you should never let strangers (whether that is men you are dating or anyone) know that you are alone and vulnerable. I think it is also true in dating that you should not tell men that you have been treated badly by men in the past. There are some real shits out there in the dating world including scam merchants who see someone who is alone and vulnerable as an easy mark. These kind of men also see a woman who has been treated badly in the past as someone who will tolerate bad behaviour.

It's more important in dating because it takes a looong time to get to know a total stranger you meeting cold via online rather than someone who is known to friends and in your network.

That is different from making people up though. Say you have parents who are estranged or deceasd you don't need to tell someone that. It's easy to skip over or tell a white lie if you need to at that point. That's much easier to explain if the relationship goes the distance than invented people. Most relationships and dates don't go anywhere long term - the long term one is the exception - so you lose nothing by being cautious.

Having a man doesn't automatically mean you have 'protection' though does it?

What if he's built like a twig and suffers from social anxiety like so many seem to nowadays?

Or do you think his penis is going to rise up like a lightsabre and fend the nasty men off?

I'm not saying it does

But its true that when people see that there is no man to protect you, they think they can take the pics

Yes, very threatening 🤣🙄

Having male relatives doesn’t stop someone from being abused by their partner. It just doesn’t.