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Original poster

Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

217 replies

Dream246 · 03/03/2026 11:05

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/03/2026 12:44

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But taking a child off site without contacting his mother for permission as the nursery policy and the mum’s agreement with the nursery dictates they should is a safeguarding concern, surely @NoFiller?

MadinMarch · 03/03/2026 12:44

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Well you're certainly living up to your name!
A nasty comment with no evidence of any truth to it.

Original poster
Dream246 · 03/03/2026 12:44

My son is 4 and we split when he was 2. My new partner hasn't been introduced yet, it hasn't been long enough in my eyes

OP posts:
BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:43

@Dream246 How old is your little boy? As you say you have a "lovely partner" now. Have you been separated from his dad for a long time?

canisquaeso · 03/03/2026 12:41

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Disgusting input

Original poster
Dream246 · 03/03/2026 12:39

Sorry to break it to you @nofiller but I have a lovely partner now, and sadly he was dating someone previously who by all accounts was a lovely woman but he managed to wreck that situation too. So read prior information and see that this isn't about the nurse worker as a person but the situation of my child on close contact

OP posts:
BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:38

@NoFiller "Someone better." Do you know OP? Ex doesn't sound great at all to me.

NoFiller · 03/03/2026 12:37

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WorstPaceScenario · 03/03/2026 12:35

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:33

But surely that’s her choice.

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It is. And it would make her a shitty parent in the same way it's made her ex a shitty parent.

BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:35

@Dinoswearunderpants Father may have consented. Mum cannot unilaterally make he decision to move their son from the nursery as Dad also has PR.

BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:34

@Dream246 That makes things a little easier for you. A true narc tends to push for at least 50/50 (for financial control too).

Dinoswearunderpants · 03/03/2026 12:34

Ok so they have breached your contract by taking him offsite without your consent. That needs to be dealt with separately from the relationship issue.

Regarding the relationship issue, you've got options here, remove him from a nursery where I assume he is already settled and start else where.

Or you have to accept the fact your ex has moved on in a highly inappropriate way and be the bigger person and don't rise to the awkwardness.

All I would be thinking about is the safety of my child. If this Nursery worker is a good person who is good to your child, then you have your answer.

andthat · 03/03/2026 12:34

I understand your concerns @Dream246 … but similarly I’d be at least reassured that if your ex is going to introduce your child to someone he’s dating at least it’s someone who presumably likes children and is qualified to care for them.

BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:33

@WorstPaceScenario I agree. There is quite possibly a reason as to why he has chosen his son's nursery worker. More contact and control.

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:33

Mosman2020 · 03/03/2026 12:30

Yes, but she never would and that’s the point

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But surely that’s her choice.

Original poster
Dream246 · 03/03/2026 12:32

No it's more 70/30. The dad doesn't get involved in anything to do with schools. Nurserys, doctors appointments, shoe sizing, hair cuts...... etc etc

OP posts:
WorstPaceScenario · 03/03/2026 12:32

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:28

Here we go, another man bashing comment. He’s free to date who he wants as is the mum.

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And if I were a mum in a similar position, newly dating after a split, I'd be responsible and wise enough to stay well away from one of the handful of people my very small child sees on a daily basis so as not to confuse them further and conflate my dating adventures with their daily routine.

Calliopespa · 03/03/2026 12:31

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:28

Here we go, another man bashing comment. He’s free to date who he wants as is the mum.

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People are free to do lots of things that equate to poor parenting.

That's why things are as they are ...

BestBefore2000 · 03/03/2026 12:31

@Dream246 Do you share care with your ex? Mine was 50/50 (court ruled) and it was an absolute nightmare re "equal" say.

Mosman2020 · 03/03/2026 12:30

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:28

Here we go, another man bashing comment. He’s free to date who he wants as is the mum.

Show quote history

Yes, but she never would and that’s the point

Restlessdreams1994 · 03/03/2026 12:30

That’s not what “unconscious bias” means.

If your child was taken off site without the consent of either you or their other parent then that’s a separate issue to take up with the nursery manager.

Your ex’s personal life is his choice and unless he is putting your child at risk then there’s not a lot you can do about it.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 03/03/2026 12:29

Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:28

Here we go, another man bashing comment. He’s free to date who he wants as is the mum.

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Yes unless it compromises the other parent’s relationship with their joint child’s childcare setting.

Mosman2020 · 03/03/2026 12:29

What is wrong with people of all the men in the world? Does that one have a battery powered swirling golden cock that she needs to choose him?

Original poster
Dream246 · 03/03/2026 12:29

Thank you all so much for your genuine advice, it has all been a bit of minefield. He is a very difficult man who plays a lot of games so sometimes it's easy to catch myself second guessing things.

My absolute main aim is the well being of my child, so I appreciate all of your suggestions. Kicking off is something I would never do ad that would affect my son.

And to those that have made comments like "for goodness sake, take a breath" it must be lovely not to know what it is like to deal with a highly disruptive and manipulative man!

OP posts:
Rockchick01 · 03/03/2026 12:28

guinnessguzzler · 03/03/2026 12:02

Yes, me too. I think it is 'surprisingly common' because far too many men have no limits or boundaries and simply don't care enough about their children. When relationships break down, these men then consider themselves completely free to date who they want with no thought for the wider impact. Not quite the same but I remember my brother in law and father in law gleefully discussing who would get to do school pick up because their child / grandchild's teacher looked like a particular filmstar who they both fancied. No thought for the fact that with their pathetic banter they were making the child's mother feel embarrassed and inferior (and they were still together at the time - not anymore!) and turning something that should be child-focussed into another arena for men to dominate and objectify women. Fuckwits. Well they're long since divorced and he is miserable so at least there's that.

Show quote history

Here we go, another man bashing comment. He’s free to date who he wants as is the mum.