Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

@Dream246 How old is your ex?

I really feel for you. This is an awkward situation all round and it’s a shame your ex, or his new GF havent the guts to sit down and talk to you about this. You need to put your boy first of course . Perhaps a new key worker rather than a whole new nursery would be a good first step and then see how things unfold?

Move him. 100%. Horrible conflict of interest here. Don't even think about it. He can have a lovely time in the sandpit at another nursery.

OK, so the lack of consent for the nursery trip is an oversight that is the manager's fault.
You can write a formal complaint to the manager about that.

If the key worker is not able to have a professional relationship with you, that is another problem.
I would ask for a meeting with either the room leader or the manager (or both) and say that if the key person doesn't feel able to deal with you any more, your son needs a new key person and maybe the current one needs to move to another room.

I would move my child because of this. I would feel like my child might get confused and like I’m being replaced in some way.

I think it’s easy for people who aren’t in the situation themselves to say you should be a bigger person and you’re not being replaced but I wouldn’t take this risk, especially with such a young child.

Many women already have to subdue their inner discomfort about having someone else spend most of the day with their child and not them. Let’s not pretend that when this person is dating their dad that is not a particular issue.

Where the hell are the senior managers in this situation? Communication - clear communication - is a big part of safeguarding and they're failing at that. They're not putting your child's wellbeing first.

It would be professional to limit this employees contact with your son (I'm sure there are plenty of other children she can be assigned to). But the real red flag is not responding to your concerns about him being taken off site without authorisation and their claims not backing up what you've seen with your own eyes.

I really think you have to move your DC, OP, because how can you trust them when they're telling you one thing but you're seeing another? And your son's key worker runs away from you? Very poor management of the whole situation and not in the child's best interest.

not sure if nursery is diffrent but my nephew was moved from his school without my sisters conssnt-solicitor and school said therte nothing she can do

At least 50% of the twattery there is the female teacher...

Has the OP said what age her ex partner is? He could easily be a similar age

If she took him off site without consent she did do something wrong and it is a safeguarding issue.

You may have missed the post but she doesn’t know if she is there when her son is.

Eh? It’s her SON. She’s responsible for his well-being. You don’t think it’s confusing for him daddies girlfriend who is round his house on the weekend is also his key worker? What happens when they split up?

@Dream246 100% minimum she is no longer his key worker, no taking off site. Escalate that in writing as they are not responding. They know they’ve fucked up. But changing nurseries would be out the questions

If she took your child off site without written consent you already have cast iron proof of the safeguarding issue.

I would absolutely not let this go. I would write to them and say you are going to make an official complaint to Ofsted unless they give you satisfaction and a written guarantee that she has no responsibility and no contact with your child.

What's he doing knocking off a 21 year old nursery worker anyway? Does he want someone so young and naive in order to exert maximum control over them?

I'm not sure either parent is acting in their son's best interests tbh. He is 4 and already both mummy and daddy have new partners by the sounds of it.
And yes, I have been a single parent myself. For quite a number of years.

Really??? She’s a young girl, 21, probably first proper job that’s she’s trained for, and you think she should be fired? That’s ridiculously vindictive

She might be afraid to approach you, I think I’d smile and say hi, assuming they got together after you split

@Dream246 Has Father confirmed he didn't give consent?

Have you raised this with the nursery manager? About your son going offside without permission.

I suggest putting your complaint/concerns in writing to the nursery and request a written response.

If you don't get a response, then escalate this to OFSTED, letting them know the nurseries response.

To echo what others have said, he should be assigned a new key worker.

Don't let it go, until you get a satisfactory response. I'm sure once the nursery hear about OFSTED being involved, they'll have a word with the staff member. It doesn't look good for the nursery.

@Mosman2020 How is this nursery worker in breach of safeguarding do you believe?

@likelysuspect You're absolutely correct. If a father has PR he has an exactly equal say re school and nursery settings and removal from them; the care arrangement percentages are irrelevant. One doesn't trump the other.
It is very naive to think Mum can simply remove their son from nursery without consent of Dad.
PR is powerful - more than most often realise.

This. Or change nursery? It’s weird and totally understandable that you’re uncomfortable. Poor judgement on both their parts.

At absolute best this Nursery worker lacks judgement and safeguarding
The simplest thing in the world to do is to just move the child’s Nursery, but if you can’t do that, I would do everything in my power to get a fired one way or the other
If she was working for me, she’d be gone

I think I would look at other settings. This sounds very unprofessional. Your son has not got that long until he starts school. Is it linked to where he will go to school?

I dont think there's a safeguarding issue

Will he be going to school in 6 months?

That’s not true with Nursery provision just schooling