Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

Hang on, you don’t know if the woman is around your son when he’s with his father why are you setting diffident standards for you than him?

You know the nursery op and her husband? Mine never checked with the other parent if one okayed it, that’s v unusual

It's ok for her to be dating him. There is nothing you can do about it realistically

When mine was at nursery they were always out, going to the park, up to the woods, forest school, the shops etc .. I can’t ever remember signing an individual form.

Yes they do particularly if OP is primary carer

I'd move nursery. It just sounds incredibly messy.

Sure they can. I'm a childminder and don't need permission to take children anywhere, same thing.

Assuming dad has parental responsibility, he can give permission.

You're looking at this wrong.

A GF that works in a job with strict checks is a plus point, not a negative.

You need to separate the girlfriend and the nursery taking him out on a trip.

If the girlfriend didn't work at the nursery, would taking him out of nursery be an issue? If no, then move on, if yes, then take action and remove your child from the nursery and report them to Ofsted.

It comes across that you're being awkward for the sake of it.

What? My sons school and previous 2 nurseries don't take the kids anywhere without prior notice and permission. Nursery can't just pop to the park with your kids when they feel like it.

I'd be requesting that he have a different key worker and reiterating that any repeat of her taking him out of nursery without permission will be reported.
But he'll be in school soon won't he? So it's only a few more months, I don't think moving him for a few months would be in his best interest.

It would be confusing for a child, and it sounds as though even if rules are not being broken, the nursery isn't handling it well enough. So I would move him without a shadow of a doubt and as quickly as possible.

So you’re saying that if the staff decide to pop to the park, every parent has to be contacted by phone? Surely you’re mistaken as that would be unworkable

That is awkward, of all the people your ex could have picked 🙈
The taking him off site without parental permission should be dealt with, not just swept under the carpet. I suspect his Dad gave permission after the event if it was his girlfriend that arranged it.
If your Son starts school in September I would bite my tongue and see if you can get him into the preschool attached to your chosen primary school in readiness to start school, if you can’t then I would leave him where he is for now, is it a term time only placement?
If your son is going to be there for another year then I would move settings to a preschool rather then a nursery in September, preferably one near/attached to the one you may send him to school.
My child that attended a pre school rather then the one that attended a private nursery transitioned really well which I think in part was going to preschool and making friends with children who were going to go the same school, whereas the one that attended a private nursery took a little longer to make friends etc

I think there’s two different issues here. The nursery shouldn’t have taken your child anywhere without consent. That’s a nursery issue so I would take this further and remind them that you have not signed the consent form. I wouldn’t blame the girlfriend about this.

I would speak to the nursery and say you’re uncomfortable with the situation, is there a chance that they could swap your child’s keyworker? That way she isn’t in constant contact with him all the time.

If the dad isn’t doing drop offs/ pick ups then I assume they met outwith the nursery setting? If so then there isn’t too much that the nursery could do about it as they probably didn’t realise there was a connection at first.

It's extremely easy to get PR if you are the biofather and not on the BC. I don't know why people always spout this line as though you can just magic away a child's father by not putting them on. Especially since the child has significant contact with the father. I'm not sure you're best placed to be judging the parents for having new partners 2 years after the split when you've just suggested that mothers consider cutting fathers out of their children's lives.

This.

When I was teaching I dated and married (still married) to one of my pupils mums, its in no way un-professional or un-ethical and certainly not any kind of safeguarding issue.

What an awkward situation. I would be unhappy too and request a different key worker.

Given your updates, I agree with you that the response from the nursery is inappropriate.

I would look for another setting in those circumstances.

Thing is the child has two parents and the father also gets a say, she can’t just act unilaterally. If the child is happy there, may not even know about the relationship, she doesn’t know. Then moving the child is damaging for them.

also the kid is four, so likely finishing nursery in rhe summer and going to school.

I was going to say I'd move him until I saw that he was 4, so I am guessing he will be starting school in September anyway? I don't think I would move him in that case as he won't settle properly before having to move again to a new school, so it could make things more difficult for him (unless he joins the nursery of the school he will be starting in Sept).

I agree that I would also not be happy with him spending so much time with this new gf - assuming he knows that she is daddy's new gf? - as he may become close to her and then dad may dump her etc. Or she may end up being hurt by your ex and then potentially be less friendly to your little one at nursery.

You need to talk to the Nursery Manager. Do not focus on the fact that your ex is dating your son's keyworker. You need to focus on your son being taken off site with another group without parent's knowledge and also on the lack of proper handover with your son's keyworker. Do you think your son would be unsettled if he had a different keyworker? When is he due to start school?