Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

SHE CAN'T MOVE THE CHILD WITHOUT FATHER'S CONSENT!!

Yes, I would move child.

You've basically said either or both

• my son knowing his keyworker outside nursery is a safeguarding concern
• my son's keyworker knowing going out with his dad is a safeguarding concern

If you know something untoward has happen between your child and his keyworker, fair enough, but nursery aren't going to change your child's keyworker based on a "safeguarding concern" unless you actually raise a safeguarding concern!

Safeguarding in the respect that my son was taken off of site with a different class by the new girlfriend. No consent had been obtained by me or his dad.

Them dating is irrelevant, I’m not sure why this was the title of the thread.

The issue is that someone took your child off site without the parents consent.

Her being the dads gf is completely irrelevant which is why it’s a safeguarding concern.

Where did she take him?

Why would they not tell her?

Hardly surprising shes avoiding someone that has been making complaints about her. For all the people telling OP to move the child to a different location, she can’t if the father has parental rights. He gets to have a say in that and if they can’t agree then a court can decide, so let’s not go giving duff advice that could cause even bigger problems for the OP.

Well, that’s not okay no matter who his keyworker is or isn’t going out with. If they aren’t willing to ensure that never happens again, you definitely need to look elsewhere, and potentially report them.

I’d assume irs because he 35, she’s only 21 and likely flattered.

for me, I’d have more ick about my ex dating. 21 year old than the fact she’s a key worker at my kids nursery which he is leaving soon.

The op doesn’t even know if the woman is around when the child is at weekends, it is highly feasible not. And no different to her own relationship. The op has decided she’s uncomfortable with her. But the nursery will put the child first, not the mums thought process. Especially if she’s wrong and the woman isn’t there when the child is. Changing key worker when the child leaves nursery for school soon, could be not good for the child, especially if the woman won’t be round the child at home until the summer and after they leave nursery.

as the ex isn’t communicating with the op on it. Likely as she’s all over nursery like she’s jealous, it’s left her in a position she’s no idea what’s going on and he the father is now in control. All he has to do is say no, my son doesn’t know, or she’s never there on the every other weekend I’m with him and he leaves in summer anyway.

id urge the op to calm down about it. As her son leaves nursery soon. And likely the woman will be there at weekends at that point if the relationship works out could be his step mother, and she would wish a good relationship, for both her and her son.

@Dream246 Very interesting that he has chosen such a young woman, and 14 yrs his junior.
The same sort of age gap as my ex-husband and his second wife (although she was a little older than 21 at the time.
Does he have money by chance?

As she is so obviously uncomfortable around you I am surprised she is still your child's key worker. That seems like an easy thing for the nursery to change and doesn't need to be a big issue. Changing nursery is a bigger deal if your child is happy and settled and starts school this summer.

Also, re schools..
If bio parents (both with PR) disagree on where to send their child it isn't a case of one gets a say over the other; it can (and does) get taken to court as a Specific Issue Order (SIO) for a judge to decide.

• "Parental Responsibility (PR): If both parents have PR (generally married parents, or mothers and fathers named on the birth certificate), they must agree on major decisions, including schools.'

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened An unmarried father without PR has far fewer rights than a father who does. I am almost certain the parents here were never married, but happy to be corrected on that one, OP?
Also, OP refers to her "children" so I'm assuming she has more than one.
I do personally think the "turnaround" from separation to dating again is rather quick, although not sure when the OP separated from the childrens' father?
I'd also be interested to know how old dad is if his new gf is only 21. It's a lot to potentially consider becoming a step-parent at that age going forward

Workig in military schools overseas the dynamics could get very complicated because social and working lives were very interlinked!

I would move nurseries. Not because of her, but because of how nursery have handled it.

She shouldn’t be his key worker because there is a conflict of interest with you.

It could be a safeguarding risk if DC tried to report something from his home or of there was a red flag, she could brush it under the carpet because she “knows the situation”

She took him offsite without permission and it isn’t being investigated

It’s a bit different when the child’s mother is still alive.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a new partner, stop worrying

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this.
if there’s no policy against this in place I’d be moving nursery.

I would actually say this is a potential safeguarding concern. A keyworker/teacher/ta/anyone in a childcare setting should be able to be objective about the child and their family. If she can't be objective, that opens the door to all sorts of things including covering up abuse (I'm NOT saying this particular person would do that, but safeguards need to be in place for that small percentage of people who would take advantage).

Our nursery asked for a blanket permission to take the children on small local trips occasionally when we signed our daughter up, so we signed that along with permission to give Calpol, apply suncream etc. They haven't actually ever taken them out of the setting but the permission covers it if they did.

I don't see a safeguarding concern but I do see an issue about the way in which this nursery nurse's dual role is affecting the care and service offered to you and your son. I'd ask for a copy of their policy around handling dual roles and a meeting with the nursery manager to discuss the best way forward. This young woman's obvious discomfort is affecting her communication with you and that has an impact on quality of care for your son. The nursery also need to be mindful of providing equal care to children so some do have a policy of avoiding placing children with key workers who have an additional relationship to the child. I wouldn't assume the trip out without permission is necessarily linked though. Could they have made a genuine mistake about which form you'd signed? I can't imagine an otherwise competent nursery would say 'oh it's fine to take him out without permission as she's dating the dad'?! They need picking up on this though, and a constructive discussion about how to manage the new tangle of relationships.

My feeling would be that a Key Worker shouldn't be in a relationship with a parent, who's child is assigned to them. It's a conflict of interests. Working at the nursery, that your child attends, shouldn't be an issue, but she shouldn't be your child's key worker.

I work in a school, and we had a class teacher who had a child at the school, she wasn't permitted to teach her child's class. It's exactly the same thing really. My previous school I worked at, is the same one as my son attended. I didn't deal with any incidents involving my son, they were all passed to another member of staff.

The nursery should remove your child from having this young woman as their Key Worker, and should assign someone else to them. I don't think that would be an unreasonable request.

The taking your child off site without your consent or your ex's, is a different matter. You need to find out from the nursery what you're signed, and why it happened. It could be the young woman, thought it was OK because she's dating your child's Dad. It seems an unlikely explanation though, as she'd have to be completely clueless and rather stupid, to do such a thing. I suspect there's been a communication error or the young woman made a genuine mistake.

What would your Ex do if you moved Nursery?
If your son is 4 he'll be in school in September if you don't want to move him and are prepared to wait it out.
If it's the nursery attached to the school he'll attend, is there another school you could choose to send him to?

Nursery can. They can also ask for specific permission but its not required. Most do for specific planned trips because its in advance and can be planned for but a nursery or child minder popping out for an hour to the park is ok