I feel like I'm not my partner's true love

I didn’t misread. You posted that the ex had obviously forgiven him if she was happy to accept contact like that from him. I called you out on that, because she absolutely did not. And it read like you just trying to somehow drag her into the blame. The only two people at fault here are the OP who jumped into an affair and the loser boyfriend who cheated on his girlfriend.

You were wrong because you missed the post explained her reaction. Im sure you would no longer accuse her of accepting this type of contact. But I didn’t misread.

What difference does it make?

Hes not an amazing enough dad to make sure his child has a happy stable home and a contented mum, sadly.

Right, I missed that. I thought I'd seen all of OP's posts but obviously I hadn't. However, it still doesn't change my point that it's pointless for OP to apologise.

So we both misread something in this thread. Fabulous. I can accept it and alter my view accordingly. Can you?

One of the saddest things isn't even the cheating. It's that he doesn't even pretend to be interested in you, yet you still think there's some future with him. He's not going to change, either from the cheating, nor is he going to start caring how you are and being a supportive loving partner who wants to marry you. Don't waste any more of your self-esteem on a man who'll grind it all away. If the most you have to hang onto is that you don't (yet) believe he's actively cheating, that's a terribly low bar. And probably wrong, given how he was on the apps even when he was with this alleged first love. He's only interested in himself.

She replied telling him to leave her alone and stop dragging her into his mess, stop hurting her and now hurting another woman and baby, then she blocked him.

What part of that tells you she has accepted the contact and forgiven him?

That must have been some shelter for you to think you found your person while he was cheating on his long term relationship partner.

Life is not a Harlequin romance. The end.

Meaning saving her social media pictures to his phone and DMing her when he drinks, begging her to take him back, asking for nudes. He showed me the messages he sent and they were....... not good.

Woah - that escalated quickly. Unfortunately I don't think there's much coming back from this....

He is cheat, you know this.
He cheated with you and now he is cheating on you.
Unfortunately you are one of many women who think that you can fix a man and that you are so special that despite knowing he is cheater you think he will never cheat on YOU
Sadly you are wrong

Does anyone over the age of 10 actually believe in "true love"?? Yes, love exists but it's not worth building your whole life and personality in pursuit of it. That's a bad example to set for your child.

I'm curious what your parents' relationship was like.

Other posters have nailed it.

You are romanticising this woman as his “first love” so that you can convince yourself he would only cheat on you with her because of their special bond.
Now that she has rejected him you can tell yourself he won’t look elsewhere. He will.

I feel for you, OP, despite your morally questionable values. You sound quite young and idealistic. You don’t sound d ready to face reality but I hope this thread will help you prepare for what will most likely come.

Do you think he told you in hopes you would break up with him? As a 'way out'?

Of course he went through the motions of saying he's sorry, wants you and won't do it again blah blah blah, but really he was hoping you'd end it and walk away so it's taken out of his hands?

By "accepting", I meant (pretty clearly, I thought) "not repelled by him" (although she probably should be). Or perhaps she is, and OP doesn't know or hasn't mentioned it. She seems worried he'll get back with the ex so if that's a possibility then yeah, it sounds like she has forgiven him and he's the only one who owes her an apology anyway.

Point is: OP doesn't owe ex an apology, he does but it looks like she's forgiven him anyway, either way, no point in OP apologising. Ex hasn't done anything wrong, very obviously.

Honestly I can't be bothered to explain a third time. You've completely misread, you've gone off on a rant about something that didn't even cross my mind when I was writing the post, you're arguing over something I don't believe and didn't say. I'm sure there are plenty of other posts you can go to if you really need your daily dose of moral castigation, and you'll find it far more satisfying when there's actually something to complain about.

Sorry op, this is bad, you’re second best and you know it. You won’t change that, she sounds like a good person not wanting him to cheat on you with her. Good for her not giving you the same back and having morals.

its onky a matter of time I’m afraid, if he wants her back. Which he does, he will need to end it with you. He told you as he wanted you to end it. Most women would have when they saw that.

he also won’t have the same respect for you. Knowing you were a willing participant in cheating, and knowing she won’t do that. The fact he was cheating won’t enter his mind.

dp you really want to live like this, being someone’s second best. The man doesn’t want to marry you for this reason.

You know what OP? One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is not making them grow up under the same roof as a toxic, unhealthy relationship.

Far better to split now and work on being good coparents than it is to stay together, continue to be unhealthy and unhappy as a couple (with a cheat who sends unsolicited wanking videos to exes) and teach your child that this dynamic is what normal looks like.

Or when they’re adults they’ll end up either going out with arseholes or being the arsehole.

That's not going to happen with this guy. He sounds disinterested in you as a person and he doesn't want to marry you.

It doesn't feel like he's curious about me at all, or at least, not anymore. He doesn't put in effort to get me to open up or understand where I'm coming from when we're going through something. For example, I went through a rough patch with my mental health after my mom passed last year, and have honestly been needing quite a bit of support emotionally. I've tried to talk to him about this but he doesn't really engage or understand. Or bother to ask me what I'm experiencing. It's like he doesn't care enough to put in effort.

He doesn't care enough to feign interest in your inner life. And yes, when there's love, there's curiosity and interest and putting in the work. He can't be bothered and that tells you all you need to know. He takes you for granted. That's pretty obvious, since you put up with his sending wank videos to his ex, like damn. He knows you're not going anywhere.

If this is what you want for your life, a disinterested partner who knows you will put up with cheating, keep on keepin on.

If you want more, time to get your career in gear and split. Are you currently working and will your work support you and your son along with maintenance?

This post hits the nail on the head.

OP your language ("true love," "men never forget their first love" etc.) smacks of someone young and inexperienced. There isn't such thing as "true love," that's from princess stories. This man is not a catch; he is fundamentally selfish and he won't commit to anyone. Throw him back.

This is pointless. You're nowhere near ready to see this for what it is. We've all had first loves and been in dark places, but none of it has necessitated sending unsolicited wanking videos to our exes while our so-called partner and child are around. He Is A Cheat. Excuse him till the cows come home. This is not love and it won't have a happy ending. At least not until you wake up and leave him for good.

Unless you had his cock in your handbag with you, you'll never know.

Its strange how it went from sending reciprocal skanky messages to each other, to her blocking him, randomly unblocking him, him then randomly messaging and sending a perverted video and asking for nudes, then her talking about him hurting you/baby and blocking again and him then suddenly feeling guilty and telling you (or, getting in there first)

Something else has happened or had started up again from the initial messages between them both and now and has gone sour. Its so obvious.

I despair at threads that tote this 'the one' nonsense. There is no such thing as one person for one person. Relationships that survive are based on compromise, hard work and a commitment to each other in good times and bad times. This girlfriend isnt 'the one'. It wasnt working in the original relationship, but instead of working on it, or leaving it, he went on a dating website to tout for someone new. That isn't what someone who is in love, or actually someone who cares and respects other peoples feelings, does. Now with you, he is sending nudes and asking her back. He has no respect for you (or her) and never will.. dont let him romance his way out of it by playing the pick me game and taking his behaviours as loosing his love. You have also put yourself in a vulnerable position not being married and having a child. I dont know if you work, but you need to. Get some hobbies, expand your circle, get some self respect. I was in a 13 year marriage with someone who would message other women and had at least one affair and he made me feel so bad about myself, and I was so scared to leave I stayed. He left me in the end for someone he was having an affair with and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. (5 years on they have just broken up because you have guessed it, he was having an affair) Get some independence but he won't change, not because she is his first love, but because he is a twat.