To put 2yo in with older boys?

Yes it probably is because he can see you. So you need to go cold turkey. Tell him no more milk at night, and mean it. Don't give in when it gets hard! It'll quite likely take about three nights before he sleeps through, maybe slightly longer.

Does your ex take the kids at weekends or anything? Or anyone else who could help? If so, start on a Fri night, and stop the night bottles. Cuddle him, sing, stroke etc, but absolutely no milk. You won't get much sleep the first night, so make sure someone can look after the younger kids on Sat morning for at least four hours so you can sleep. Then repeat on Saturday night. Hopefully by Sunday night things will be much improved and you'll get some sleep, but it might be wise to book Monday off work if you can.

I know it seems daunting, but a few days of serious effort and then you could all be sleeping sweetly. It's worth it.

I don't think moving bedroom will really solve the night bottle issue, and it will be disruptive for the other children, so personally I wouldn't do that.

You could try a few "sleepovers" on weekends or holidays? My kids loved inviting each other to their bedroom for the night, we just put a mattress on the floor. And if it didn't work out we just moved them back to their room.

The sweet spot was when youngest was about 2.5, and they managed to spend a week of holiday sharing a room without problems. We moved them to 1 bedroom after that.

Your current set up seems the best at the moment, you just need to be firm on the night bottle - we had to for both our kids but did it when they were much younger. It will be hard for a few days but it will work out.

Yes I agree. I mean space wise there is plenty of space to share with no partner there so not sure why this is even a question from the OP.

I think this is unfair on the other kids. He could end up disturbing them

I'd get rid of the bottle before bed. That way he doesn't need it for comfort if he wakes in the night.

I'd get rid of the cot as well and put him in a single bed in my room and let him just climb in with me in the middle of the night for the time being.

If he knows there isn't a bottle coming and he can just snuggle in with mum, not really any need to whinge and he can settle next to you. But then I co-slept with my youngest until they were 3 and then they went into a room with their brother, both in single beds.

No way would i pur him in with his brothers until he is sleeping better.

Have you considered speaking to a sleep consultant about the issue op? You have a phone call for £50 where i live. Really helped with one of my kids.

None of mine had bottles so not sure how to advise on this part (perhaps put water in it instead and he might think not worth waking up for) but............I did see a fantastic triple bunk which had the bottom two beds at right angles to each, in a corner and with only one above for the eldest. It also had solid headboards and sides so each had a certain amount of privacy and the steps up to the top one were drawers. That could work when he's out of his cot.

None of it is ideal.

He certainly can't share with the sister.
The older brother isn't much better. He needs study space.
He's likely to wake the other little boys. And they'll have tiny bits of lego and other toys.

So process of elimination that leaves mums bedroom.

She needs to get him reliably STTN before she considers anything or the other kids will end up sleep deprived too.

I think your current set up is the best at the moment until your littlest is a bit older and you can trust him around the things in the other boys room. Alternatively you'd need to toddler proof their bedroom and create that space elsewhere which might be tough to do. The real issue here is the amount you're juggling and lack of sleep. Is there anyone who's around you that can do some babysitting in the week to let you get your head down even for a couple of hours? I'm sorry your ex left you in such a crap position. Do they pay towards the kids and have you calculated it off cms? Would they pay extra to put a better roof over the kids head? Do they take the kids overnight or such to give you a break at all? I'm a lone parent and it's hard enough with 1 never mind 4. Sometimes when I'm feeling really burnt out I do book time off work or juggle my flexi to give myself a break while mine is in nursery. Would something like that be an option? You're really in the trenches op but you're doing great and it won't last forever.

I let my three year old sleep with me even though he has his own empty bedroom!

It sounds like he's maybe not quite ready, with not sleeping too well yet (don't want him waking the others) and the hazard of the Legos and things. So I think I'd keep him with you a while longer, and then when you do move him out of your room, you take the smaller room, and the 3 sharing get the biggest room?

As he could if his parents were a couple!

Couples don’t need to be using their bedroom for anything but sleeping any more than single people do.

I have to say I think it’s a bit shitty that people are suggesting the OP (as a single parent) has less need of a bedroom or privacy than a couple!

Yes, the children’s needs should come first and I have said above that I think OP should keep sharing with her youngest for now.

But the couple of people who’ve chipped in with “oh you’re a single Mum, in which case you don’t need any space of your own at all - a couple would of course - you can just sleep on a sofa/ sofa bed (wouldn’t expect that of a man or a couple of course) but you don’t deserve anything at all!” - that’s really not right, and I feel it’s borne of a desire to belittle the OP for being a single Mum.

She can’t help that her husband decided to up and leave once they’d already got a fifth child on the way! Prince amongst men as he sounds.

Op I think I'd go cold turkey on the middle of the night bottles.

I'd keep the 2 yo with you until hes reliably sleeping through, then put him in with the 5 and 4 yo, or give the 3 boys the biggest room.

I don't think its appropriate for the teen boy to be sharing with any of the young kids. He's going to need his room and space for studying.

If you're single then he can just share with you.

Normally I'd agree with you, but given the age gaps I don't. Surely having a 5,4&2 year old in together who will probably go to bed around the same time and play similar things, makes way more sense than any of them sharing with a 12 year old who will be doing homework, up a lot later and playing differently?

If the elder two were the same sex, OP could put the older 2 in together and either the 2 youngest could share or the 4&5 year old could share, but is it really appropriate to have a teen boy and teen girl sharing?

Three boys sharing, all close in age, is fine. I wouldn't put him in while he's still not sleeping well, and I'm not convinced it would make him sleep any better. It's the night bottles that are the issue. Tbh I'd keep him with you a while longer anyway seeing as it's just the two of you in the room. Sorry to hear about the difficult circumstances that have led you here.

I don't see a problem with the three little ones sharing IF he starts sleeping well, but what if he doesn't? What if he carries on waking up throughout the night and disturbing his siblings? I think weaning him off the bottle at night first is the way to go.

Is it a private rental? If it’s housing association you could look at splitting a room. They will often allow this but a private rental not so much.

i guess you could use free standing room dividers to give him his own “room” with in your room if that would work?

3 kids that are all the same sex and within 3 years of each other can absolutely share. However, you can’t put a non sleeping toddler in with the others if he’ll disturb them, nor can you have them unsupervised in a room that contains choking hazards e.g. lego and other small part toys, even in a cot as he could climb out at any point. I would keep the 2YO in with you, tackle the sleeping, stop the bottles overnight and plan to move him in with his brothers when he’s 3+ so fine to be in a bed/not at risk of choking and sleeping through the night.

How tall are the ceilings OP? I have a triple bunk in DDs room, the bottom bunk is almost on the floor. Might be an option if you can share until the eldest is 6 (according to the instructions this is the age requirement for the top bunk). If you wait 12 months there might be less knock-on effect for all 3 being awake at the same time.

Stop giving him bottles and the issue will stop and that includes the bottle before bed . At 2 he is too old for bottles , give him milk during the day and water at night , once you’ve done it a few times and refused to give him milk or bottles he will stop asking although granted you may have a few bad nights getting there . Then keep him in with you until he can sleep through before moving him in with the others .

The bottle is causing the issue though. At 2, he is too old for bottles anyway and wouldn't wake up looking for a bottle if he didn't have them in the first place.

I'd get a sofa bed for the living room and you sleep there. I wouldn't cram 3 kids into 1 bedroom including one who doesn't sleep, it isn't fair.

If you’re single then why can’t you just share with him? I’m struggling to understand your dilemma here? Get rid of his cot and let him sleep with you? Genuinely confused why YOU need a room to yourself?