Boyfriend caught sexting

I meant a better life - one free of this crap.
Not necessarily another man.

Why would you consider staying with him? He's deceived you for years. How much more humiliation do you want? Raise your bar and leave him. This is NOT normal behaviour.

What a relief that you’ve found out now before you are married or have kids with him.
You deserve so much better.

Well it would definitely be over for me. The lies & deception and the fact that all the time and energy he was putting into interaction with this woman, he could have been investing that time and energy into his relationship with you. I would just never feel the same way about him again.

He's been cheating on you for 10 years and you are debating whether the relationship is over or not? Wow.

@Vixrest There are attractive intelligent men who are decent and then some like yours who aren't. Just congratulate yourself for not having any children by him and go through his cloud thouroughly because he will probably want to keep nudes of you as well when he moves on.

@Vixrest Men have always got a fucking excuse haven't they. It's either depression, boredom or going through a "rough patch". And by sheer coincidence it's always their partner's fault and all their problems are cured by sex with another woman. Were you wanking off to some bloke online whilst your relationship was going through this rough patch OP? No, I thought not. You are in love with what you thought he was, not what he is. You deserve better. Oh, and don't believe a word he says, he'll just read you "the script". In other words, he'll tell you what you want to hear.

If you overlook this and stay you are basically saying that you will forgive anything . And it will escalate we can guarantee. This is an awful long time to be carrying on a whole secret life . Not an unfortunate drunken one night grope but a calculated plot to contact and preserve material from you or anyone else finding out . And then instead of begging forgiveness he is saying it was nothing . It's not nothing and don't let him convince you otherwise . The thoughts of splitting will be hard as you have been with him all your twenties. Don't let him ruin your 30s . Get out as fast you can .

Am so sorry OP. Even if you could miraculously find it in your heart to forgive him, I think trusting him would be incredibly hard. And there is the fact, most important fact, is that you deserve better. Sending hugs.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this.
He has had ample time over the last decade to reflect on what a shitty way this is for him to treat his girlfriend. The fact that he hasn’t put an end to it shows, to me, that he is lacking in a moral compass. Unfortunately there are some people like that out there, who always manage to convince themselves that the immoral things that they are doing is okay.
Fortunately, there are also many lovely people out there who would not treat a partner like this.
I agree with the previous posters who have said you deserve so much better.
x

I’m so sorry, OP. I’d say it’s over. Take the opportunity to run for the hills now before you’re married with children etc and even more tied (I’m sure after 10 years and living together the ties are already pretty strong so I don’t mean to belittle that). It has been 10 years of some contact and 3 solid years of affair level contact with this woman. It sounds like he’s totally dismissing it as “nothing” but it’s a huge thing. And if he needs a “distraction” and an “ego stroke” now, he’s not going to deal well with having a heavily pregnant wife, a baby taking all the attention, elderly parents to deal with, illnesses (either of you) etc. just all the normal life stuff that could get thrown at you. He bailed on a full committed relationship with you by doing this. I wouldn’t give him a chance to do that again.

Dump him. Total bastard

You absolutely can't trust him to ever be honest. His behaviour is disgusting as is his attutude to women.
Walk away and don't look back.

All that time and energy he has expended on this woman when he could have spent it on you.

Such a betrayal - you deserve WAY better than this shit

it must feel difficult as you’ve been together a long time but this man has treated you appallingly. You don’t do that to someone you love. He has lied, emotionally cheated and to act like it didn’t mean anything is a real blow, if it didn’t mean anything why do it?
I could never forgive this. I couldn’t trust him at all, life is too short to waste on a man like that.

How much time did he spend in 10 years doing something he says "meant nothing?

Bullshit. He's a liar and a cheater. Do you want to waste more time with someone who's lying to you and cheating on you? To have to go get tested regularly and possibly go on PREP?

There could be more closer to home. If I were you, I'd be getting full STI testing because you can't believe a word he says.

What really hurt me is a found a message of him saying he would think of her pics while having sex with me.

That would be the end for me. What a hurtful, destructive thing to say. Bin him.

Yes, so many more men who cheat, or have other problems.

I think the fact you’ve gone looking for messages shows the relationship is over, you don’t trust him….. and rightly so!! He’s given you a reason to not trust him. He’s betrayed you for quite a while and lied to your face daily.

I’m so sorry, this really isn’t appropriate behaviour at all. No explanations or apologies would be enough to make me want to be with someone who acts this way. Who keeps photos of exes, presuming they are explicit, I’m sure his exes wouldn’t be very pleased.

Bin him off. He's a shit and a cheat and you deserve better!!

@Vixrest your relationship is dead in the water not only because he's a lying cheat but because he's lying to himself as well.

You never had his full heart. He was always sharing parts with this other woman. He went back to her over and over again on purpose. Nothing you said or did was enough for him to focus only on you.

It won't change now he's been caught. You can't get back something you never had in the first place.

Dump him. Heal. Learn to love yourself and set healthy boundaries then go back out there and find your real soulmate because they will be out there waiting for you.

It was never this guy. Your heart just hasn't realised that yet.

Don’t even consider forgiving this scum bag.