Boyfriend caught sexting

Afraid so!

Reverse the situation for a moment. Would you feel as though you were cheating on your DP if you had been sexting another person?

Your DP knows he’s been cheating and trying to wriggle out of it by saying they haven’t met, so it’s just an ego stroke. Cheating is cheating. He can’t be trusted.

@Vixrest This isn't a man you want to be the father of your future children. Do it for yourself, and find someone worthy of starting a family with one day💐

No way would I tolerate this level of deceit in a partner. Doesn’t matter why he did it, whether it “meant anything” or was some kind of addiction. Dishonesty is foundational to the way he operates. Instant bin.

If he wanted a family "soon" im not following the logic as to why that pregnacy was too soon. I think you want to be grateful you arent tied to him with a child or a pregnacy

And probably, I imagine anytime hes stressed or frustrsted he needs a little angry wank and if some random woman wants to talk filth or video call while he does all the better

Honestly, you haven't dodged a bullet hes the full firing squad

The way youre writing this he has power over you.

Im not following why 10 years down the line after everything youll have shared with him your sticking point is "i was really 'passionate' in bed with him, if he wanted dirty id be dirty so why did he cheat?"

FWIW Imo I think part of the thrill was it wasnt you. The element of ooh im getting away with this on the sneak. That it was hidden and illicit, and only his pleasure mattered. Seems like he enjoyed an awful lot of self pleasure even when she wasnt speaking to him.

Or horribly maybe you were too convenient, or not as passionate as you think from his perspective, or not as open to some of their fantasys, or he fancied her more,.. millions of reasons none of them nice or helpful. He did it because he could.

Noones saying you were bad in bed or he didnt love you or enjoy your sex life.. just that it didnt slow him down.

Dont think it matters how passionate you are I dont believe he will ever stop doing it, he will tell himself because it isn't PiV its not cheating. And it is.

Jesus OP .
How many men out there have the most beautiful / smart women by their side ?.
Great sex , great home life, & they still fucking cheat !!!
They do it because they want to , because they can .
They’re egotistical, greedy .
They have it all , but they still want more .

What he's done to you is unforgiveable. This is a man who prioritises his dick over all aspects of his life. And he's an adult male, not an inbetweener who has just discovered masturbation. Set him free, because if you don't you'll never have peace of mind again. You're worth more than this.

Its shit im saying this.

You werent special.

Shes not special, this wasnt a struggle he couldnt resist. This wasnt an affair he couldnt help himself from.

Hes an any holes a goal type of man.

Hes been cheating consistently for 3 years, minimum. Hes been using excessive amounts of porn and pics of his ex.

And probably the only half decent thing hes done was clear about his limitations when you needed to decide whether to proceed with your last pregnacy so you could make a considered decision.

He didnt cheat because sex with you wasnt good. He didnt cheat because he was so overwhelmed he couldnt resist. Hes not ill or broken or confused. He did it because he wanted to, and he could. And hes managed it for years. And if you hadnt caught him he might be doing it right now. Id not be surprised if he still is TBH.

Dont torture yourself, this isnt a reflection of you. Hes just a pig.

I think you already know the answer to your question

Its dead.

Tbh porn doesnt bother me personally in relationships but this is something else. Hes escalating the use, solicitating nudes, storing old pics and dirty convos in a secret data cloud.

I actually believe about this woman, sounds like she was like a IRL blow up doll for him. But why would that be better? Its not even the sex element, its the sly stashing of images the plans to get away with it. He cant be faithful to you. He doesnt want to be faithful.

It doesnt even matters if he does love you because this is as good as gets with him. If you forgive him its either a matter of time or a choice to turn a blind eye. Im sorry, hes just not changing.

It’s not real !
You can’t feel something for someone you’ve never met .
It was sexual on line bullshit .
Yeah , 10 years of getting his rocks off to a stranger who was doing the same in return 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Someone he conversed with when he was horny .
Like he’s personal call girl .
It’s just if it was me , like I was saying above
What when he’d meet someone out some night that he got talking to that he found attractive?
You couldn’t trust him .
What good is there in being with someone you can’t trust , only tormentation & unhappiness.

OP I've just read all your messages and I am gutted for you but I can see you're waking up to the lies you've been told and how he has normalised his porn addiction to you and made you a part of it. He has done you a massive favour. You won't think that now but in 5 years when you're with a real man who isn't addicted to porn you will thank your lucky stars that you got out when you did. Like pp have said if you stay with him you will always have doubts in your mind about what he is up to. If you're busy with work, or tired with a new baby. It sounds like you weren't entirely 100% about your abortion either which is really sad to hear. You are strong and young. Ditch him and move on. I split up with a long-term partner at 30 and I'm now with a lovely man who treats me right and we've got two lovely kids. If that's what you want then you can have it with someone else.

It’s the rough patch comment that’s the worst I think. Like he is owed sexual gratification and if you are not providing that he’s justified to seek it elsewhere. So what happens when you have a small baby/berevement/overworked at work instead of focusing on your own needs and getting through it you will have that in your mind that if you stop being redily available for sex he will stray.

if you respect someone you don't justify this behaviour with such an excuse. Whatever ones definition of cheating it comes down to the amount of respect he has for you. Say it’s not cheating- does he respect you?

I’d be out of such a relationship personally. Although I do appreciate you love him and this is a hard decision for you despite all of us saying leave him. You need to love yourself and you deserve better

You’ve been together ten years and he’s been sexting someone else for ten years?! Get him out on his ear TONIGHT. Unforgivable.

This!
He won’t change and will get worse too.
You’re young you will find someone who deserves you - this guy isn’t the one.
He’ll make you miserable your whole life.

10 years and not meet. Yes op run from this guy. You deserve better. He living in a fantasy world with someone he never meet

He us a sleazy creep. Before you tell him to go. Seek revenge and completely destroy his mobile phone. Let him think he has lost it

Good luck in your future life.
🍀👍🤞

He's a cheat. Let him get away with it and he'll do it again. Quit him.

So, he’s made choices after choices after choices. He’s chosen to keep secrets from you and gone to great lengths to ensure you don’t find out. I’ve no doubt to him it meant nothing, just a sexual itch she scratched.
However, the fact that he kept it from you shows he knows it was wrong, that it would hurt both you and your relationship. And yet this affair still continued…
He put his own need for attention, his ego to be stroked and distracting himself through a rough patch (rather than focus on repairing your relationship).
Ask yourself what these things tell you about the man, the person?
You likely already know the answer. A self centred, selfish, juvenile and deceptive person who puts themself front and central in a relationship.
Believe me, I’m so very sorry you’ve wasted your time on him x

I bet he’d see it differently if the op were wildly sexting someone with videos and requests every time the bf left the house.
dump and run op.