Or are young people becoming increasingly insular/scared/lacking in motivation and drive?

Some yes, but one in particular was entirely their own thing and they were really into it but suddenly both wanted to quit and are not really doing anything now.

Was there a reason for quitting - falling out with friends loss of interest or confidence?

I don't think this is normal from my teens of their friends to have no interests and motivations.

DD2 had more than a few friends who failed or did poorly at some GCSE - it was a bad secondary school but they still went out and did things and still got exicted about post 16 options in the end though some had bad wake up calls before they got to that point. DD1 Y12 and they all seem happy and settled now with their chosen paths.

If your worried it's doom scrolling - then limit device times - if it's friendship issues common for all three of mine during secondary then a sympathetic ear and gentle encouragement to widen social group. If it's something like poor teaching in subject at school or they've fallen behind offer practical support to help them get the grades they need.

I did worry about older two had they both had friendship issues at times and can be very shy and did have periods when they didn't go out much bar with us as a family - but both are joinging clubs and societies at uni with no issues and yongest has settled well at college. I don't think it's a genrational thing - but kids can go through periods of not being as bothered or upset and withdraw a bit then come through it.

Most of the younger people I know are working part time and taking first holidays abroad with friends. For those slightly younger I've never known kids to go to so many clubs and sports. Unfortunately they seem far too aware that life is competitive and worry about getting into unis and careers.

I agree with this (not limited to kids). It's great that there is so much more awareness but I wonder sometimes if we are experiencing the pendulum swinging too far the other way currently. I don't know what the answer is or how we find a balance that respects individual needs.

I'm not sure I entirely blame devices - though sometimes they don't help.

Very few children have any sort of free range or independence in childhood these days. They don't walk to school until much later, don't get left on their own at home, are shuttled between organised activities, have fewer job opportunities as younger teens...

It affects their ability to problem solve, assess risks accurately, have confidence in their own abilities and step outside their comfort zone.

YANBU. Social Media and tech have a lot to answer for. I fear for the next generation - they seem very ill-equipped for life generaly.

I think some is modelling a healthy lifestyle with hobbies, volunteering, work etc. If parents don’t do much children likely to be similar.
Some is parents being very soft and letting kids quit or avoid hard things. I had a guide where mum had paid £40 subs. Week after child decided didn’t want to come. I always had a if you’re committed to it and I’ve paid you are going approach, obviously fine to review and stop at end of term but not flaky attendance or stopping on a whim.
Doing everything for children, chauffeuring by car everywhere, trying to avoid any minor upsets - mums micromanaging eg Polly must be in a group with her friend. They don’t develop skills at a young age in a safe environment.
Travel is personal preference I think some people are more homebodies. But if they haven’t been allowed to go on trips younger they don’t build skills and confidence.

Both my nephew and niece are like this (but now worryingly more extreme) and I can see why you'd be unhappy with how things might progress. Time to talk and discuss how they see things moving forward. Dont leave it to fester.

With my DNs they are happy to be up all night gaming, left education 3 and 6 years ago now but can't settle in a job for more than a month or so without getting themselves fired (absences, bad attitude, turning up stoned etc). Neither are even helpful round the house (they live with their DMs - my SILs).

I think for them their main life and only interest and interaction is online gaming and they can't cope with nor have any interest or resilience for living in the "real" world. They don't want to work/volunteer, learn to drive or even leave the house much. Their classmates have all moved on with their lives but they've not fledged and their parents (both with bad health) are worried sick about what will happen to their DC when they die. We've recently got both DC to agree to attend counselling to get some awareness around possible depression and coping mechansisms so hoping it'll help them start to find a way forward.

Op it’s not that you’ve done anything wrong. It’s just that many kids do what’s comfortable. You can’t help your own circumstances or capacity.
If they always have a gadget, they’ll never be bored enough to just go out and do things. And even if you took their gadgets, they may not have anyone to hang out with because everyone else is on their gadgets.
If you want to do more, do it.

It’s a generation thing. The current generations are not as focussed on education and experiences as millennials were. I’ve also noticed there’s such a strong acceptance for mental health issues now and that if a child feels anxious/nervous/not happy they are taught it’s ok not to do something. There is no regard for the benefit that pushing through certain things will bring them. We’re raising a generation who are content in staying in their bedroom. The smartphone allows them the interactions they think they need.

No, my children are not like this. They have *both happily transitioned to independent school despite all of their year groups going to the sane local secondary. My 10 year old went on a week long school trip to Paris recently, and my 13 year old is going on a trip to Washington DC next year. Both still currently enjoying their hobbies (sports, music and drama). All of their friends seem similar to them really.

The sad thing is that devices always win in a choice between that and an activity.

Anxiety. I was like this in the late 90s as a teenager. I would plan and sign up for trips then cancel last minute.

With any luck reducing screen time will help your kids' anxiety levels. But, obviously, there can be other causes.

It’ll be the devices.
Have you read Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt?

It’s a mixture, as others have pointed out. You also said you don’t get around much and fantasise getting out so what has their experience growing up been like?

Teen jobs are rare here but during A-level older two did volunteer and that did give them some more confidence.

So if jobs are out maybe look at GCSE exams for some volunteering posts.

The longer they leave it, the harder it will be. For things like degree apprenticeships, for internships, and for graduate jobs, they will need work experience.

I wouldn't use school work as an excuse - particularly if they have given up hobbies. It's only going to get more intense. Yes it's hard for them to get jobs but it's partly up to you to make connections with people who might be able to help them.

They are probably spending 12 hours+ a day on their phones. They definitely have time to work.

Don't you think children should maybe go somewhere other than home once a year?

Many don't.

My kids don't go abroad every year though we do try for a UK hoilday - and they stay with DGP and we do frequent day trips. They have all been abroad with school trips. We've tried to make trip that everyone enjoys.

I do wonder if other posters are right and you are pushing them into things they aren't happy about. My teens had interest and hobbies but from mid teen onwards that's been done at home rather than in outside groups - and driven entirely by them. Older two at uni have still joined groups and societies at univeristy.

My children are 21 and 17 and I don’t recognise this at all in them or their friends. I’d say they’re all very driven as they know how tough and competitive things are.

Could your children be depressed as you seem to be saying they don’t have any motivation? Have you/they spoke to a GP?

I think this is inevitable with the device reliance of young people...

What helped mine was getting jobs. I was a total bitch about not giving them money and they all worked from 14-15 as pot-washers. The money was shockingly bad (I think £3 an hour at one point) and I actually struggled with forcing them to work for that amount, but the skills they learned were the most important thing they could have done at that point.

Do yours work?

It’s devices. Solidarity