To be jealous of my work colleague?

I think she is jealous of you. Have seen this many times and experienced this myself, especially when it comes from someone 'higher up' than you. Was the other colleague on the night out with you as senior as her? If she doesnt treat everyone that isnt as senior as her poorly, then there's something else about you that she doesnt like.

From the sounds of her, shes self-absorbed, very egotistical and relishes in other women envying her; which all comes from insecurity. If she has taken a disliking to you, from my experience, she is threatened because she perceives you as attractive, or good at your job, or whatever other thing it is - but usually because youre good-looking. A lot of women are just like that, case closed.

excluding you from the drinks and letting doors close on your face are just tell-tale signs of behaviour someone would exhibit if jealous, tbh. I would use this to your advantage and play on it if she bothers you that much. Start putting in effort to look extra nice, work extra hard, make better / more friends at work. Ignore her, if and when/where you can. Have done this before myself when I was young and petty and that woman was so visibly annoyed, it was beautiful. Otherwise, just ignore her and dont let her get to you. There's always someone better and more beautiful etc, its not worth stressing over.

She does sound awful though, and everyone saying she's being like this because she senses your resentment, I would say is unlikely. Perhaps she can sense it, but from the sounds of it, it was her who acted like this in the first place. My advice would be either get even or get over it. Show her what you're made of or ignore her entirely and make her feel subservient. Im sure youre beautiful and have nothing to worry about.

I have family members like that. One particular cousin is extremely wealthy, and looks down upon me like a subordinate. Even though many years back he ripped me off for a few grand and did the same to a couple of other people to the tune of about 100k. So he's only rich from stepping on people. Not through talent.

But yet when I'm invited to one of his luxury homes he sits me on the kids table. We are the same generation and the kids he sits me with are 25 years younger than me?!

So yeah, I know how you feel. Jealous and like they don't deserve any of it. And that they think money makes them superior.

Well it doesn't and they're still an arsehole. Try not to think about it and avoid her as much as possible. I've learned it's not worth it as they'll always be oblivious.

It’s entirely possible that she’s picked up on your feelings towards her, hence why she’s not being particularly friendly towards you. Not that she’s actually done anything heinous. What constitutes bragging is very much open to interpretation - to some, anyone in a better position just talking about their life, about anything that even vaguely involves having money, is ‘bragging’. If this is the case here then the problem is very much yours, rather than hers. Your envy is not her responsibility, it’s on you to deal with.

Some people just don’t gel. That’s life. Just treat her as an acquaintance. You don’t have to try and force a friendship.

Her life may very well be just as good as it seems. As much as people encourage you to imagine her being secretly miserable, I don’t think it’s particularly helpful. Her life being worse would not make yours better.

OP I don't buy drinks, hold doors or be nice to anyone I can tell hates me for no reason other than they're jealous of me and my lifestyle - I mean why would I?

She quite possibly sees that you're more than capable at your job and feels threatened. Which can happen even though she's senior to you. It's also possible that she likes to wind people up and can see that you're put out about her behaviour.
Try not to let it bother you, she sounds like she isn't a pleasant person and that's partly karma in itself.

She might appear to ‘have it all’ but I’d bet she’s not as happy as she portrays. Someone who leaves a colleague out when buying drinks isn’t nice, someone who lets doors go when a colleague is walking through isn’t nice.

i am involved in a charity support group, we do loads for local charities and have regular projects every month or so. One particular member of our group was looking at something that I had made for a hospice, it was blanket for end of life patients that are then given to the family of the deceased. She sneered and said ‘well, you wasted your time with that’! Actually, there was nothing wrong with it and I’ve been asked several times to repeat the design in various colours but her comment really hurt. I avoid her now as much as possible but she won’t dampen my enthusiasm for helping charities.

It really doesn’t!

I do know the type you are describing. I think they enjoy feeling superior and higher up in the food chain. Whether it’s consciously or subconsciously there will always be alpha females in walks of life.

Is she bragging though or is she just mentioning something as you normally do at work like where she is going on holiday. I’ve seen jealous people assume the simple mention of it is bragging, but she shouldn’t have to lie or cover up things as any mention has the op jealous. That would be on the op.

as she’s popular I’d have to guess she’s not bragging, as people tend not to like that, and so maybe this is simply she talks about it and the op perceives it as bragging, in fact everything the op mentions could have a completely different interpretation to others who are not jealous.

I think it's easy for people to underestimate the impact of micro-aggressions on your mental health, especially in a work environment.

I echo what others are saying, this lady doesn't sound very nice and I very much doubt she has a picture-perfect life.

Find your allies at work, and spend your energy on them, distance yourself as much as you can from your colleague. Keep it polite and professional.

When she lets the door swing in your face, be happy in the knowledge that you're not mean or facile enough to even think of doing something so "high school".

There’s a woman like this in my life. We don’t work together but she does think her job is superior to mine as she earns more. I realised that I was being nice to her because I was kind of scared that she has so much confidence and is very directive to others, who often take her direction because it pays off sometimes (eg. Organising group meals etc). So people seemed pro her, which made me question myself.

But I recently found out that not many people actually like her. She’s a bit of a bully and I wish I’d just treated her as such from the beginning by being a little colder and less amenable instead of putting up with doors being metaphorically shut in my face etc.

I’d advise you to foster other relationships at work and treat her coldly and respectfully and it’ll all probably come out in the wash. Most people aren’t easily fooled for long.

I absolutely hated a woman at work many years ago. Very unfairly but it wasn't a jealousy thing. She looked a lot like the woman my ex ran off with. I wasn't very nice to her, but always remained polite. I got it into my head that she hated me.

One day she actively smiled at me so I let my barriers down, and long story short, we became best friends. In and out of each other's houses, you name it. I was younger then, and still lived at home (with my son and my mother) and my mother loved her.

Is it worth, I don't know, giving her a smile or starting a chat or something? Bet she isn't as untouchable as you think. But why are you socialising with her if she's so awful?

Start ignoring her as much as possible and stop sending her your emotional energy, and don"t go out for drinks with her! Maybe you will end up friends!

https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/346005/loving-what-is-by-mitchell-byron-katie-and-stephen/9781846046971

People that are braggy are often insecure. I'd bet anything her life isn't as perfect as she likes to make out.

It’s everything though, her appearance, her confidence, her lifestyle, her kids, her popularity, her job, its an all consuming envy, which can drive how we view interactions.

op, it’s fine to dislike each other, but you do need to understand what your jealousy is telling you. And it will impact how you interact with her, she will sense it.

is she bragging of is she just saying I am doing x or y. As simply talking about things is not bragging, as she has more than you. She doesn’t need to be quiet about it, so much depends on how she says things.

she’s popular, so it’s unlikely she’s that horrible. Was there more to not buying drinks for you, did you come in and biy your own for example and fhey were in rounds, did she owe her colleague one, was she being sensitive as it would have meant you’d feel like you should buy her one back and she’s aware you are in a different financial situation.there can be many reasons for someone’s behaviour but we can interpret it differently. Does she really let the door shut on you, or is she just rushing through and you’re far enough behind she doesn’t see you or waiting would be awkward. Again, many intepretetations to one act.

you don’t need to feel happy for her, she’s not your friend. I doubt she has that expectation on you.

are you comparing yourself, wanting what she’s got, to be popular, attractive, kids, the lifestyle, the job, then work out how to get there. Fix what your jealousy is telling you and use it to drive you forward. As otherwise right now, it’s jist hurting you,

Unfortunately it often doesn’t work that way. Some people are horrible and just breeze through having a lovely life.

OP, rather than thinking perhaps her life isn’t perfect or karma is coming for her, it’s better to focus on yourself and what will make you feel more content and happy in your own life. Most people have feelings of jealousy at times, just don’t let them consume you. Your energy is better spent elsewhere.

That really isn't normal behaviour on her part and, hard as it is to see it on the surface, a person generally only acts that way if there are things they feel resentful about in their life deep down.

I have constantly found that when you scratch at the surface, most people have their traumas and frustrations, and it is often the ones who bury it deeper that have the worst. Who knows, maybe her dh has a vile porn habit that makes her feel worthless, or insists she dresses like a cow in the bedroom and moo on all fours. You would never know.

Not suggesting you feel sorry for her; she needs to deal with her issues without impacting innocent people. But envisaging the mooing cow might cheer you up next time ...

Braggy people actively want other people to be jealous of them. That's why they brag.

100%!

Braggy people tend to be compensating for something lacking in their lives. So I wouldn't be too envious. Anyway comparison is thief of joy 😁

However it was extremely rude of her not to include you in the round of drinks and especially means if you are subordinate to her. How very horrible! She can't be a happy person if she treats others like that.

You have to meet people like this at their own level sometimes. Stop being nice to her!

This. I remember being a parent and having someone incredibly snide always rubbing it in. Eg let’s go here on Thursday - or shame Teresa can’t she’s divorced -my ex was a total bastard but she’s dig in - she’s got no childcare. Once I had the balls to say count me in - I’ll sort childcare. And that was the one an only times she cancelled it I was upset as I had paid and organised a baby sitter. I cut her out a lot and then came across her about three years later. I don’t wish anyone ill but her husband had an affair and had left her, the children hadn’t coped well an been pulled out of private school and it was all a bit and she was seriously mentally on the edge. I felt very very sorry for her and I helped her a bit - she did apologise to me and said at the time she was being foul to me her husband was a right bastard to her at home. It clearly wasn’t easy for her.

She's just a work colleague, try not to place too much importance on what her life appears to be like. Focus on your own life, find ways to build your own interests, self confidence and self esteem and then it won't matter to you what others do.

OP no one has a perfect life. I’ve worked with someone like this for 20 years. At first I felt very pissed off. Not only was she quite nasty to me, but she seemed to have a perfect life - lovely husband, beautiful children, nice house, fancy car, perfect figure, stylish clothes, good at her job - and everyone liked her. It seemed doubly unfair that she had a seemingly wonderful life while also being horrible to me.

Suffice it to say that over the years I’ve learned that her life is far from perfect in many ways, and she’s actually quite an unhappy person, which probably explains why she’s mean to some people.

She might look like she has a perfect life but she sounds like a not very nice person so you have nothing to be jealous of. Also behind closed doors it might not be so wonderful. She is maybe braggy cos she is trying to put on an act.

don’t aspire to like her. We all have our own paths to follow