Why does no one talk about the more extreme traits of ADHD?

Kindly, would you tell a physically disabled person that they just have to overcome the challenge of being able to walk a mile/dance the conga?

"Kindly", for some that determination itself is virtually impossible! I can try as hard as I can, but other than becoming a recluse I will always say things impulsively or start talking louder and louder. I don't realise I'm doing it, until someone tells me.

If something is overwhelming by definition it's exceptionally hard to overcome, and with little or no executive function that makes it virtually impossible for some. For many people if you fail at the same thing constantly eventually you either give up or break; I've gone both ways in the past and having a total breakdown isn't the answer to anything.

OP please consider trying Mounjaro. It has really helped my ADHD in all sorts of ways. In particular my spending habits and tendency to rely on alcohol when feeling any sort of feeling. It's hard to explain but I feel more stable on it.

Yes, my friend with ADHD was obsessed with the gym at one point. Now he can't work, has turned his nice flat into a shithole and plays computer games all the time. He has other issues as well, though, which I'm guessing might be common in people with ADHD.

Another friend has shared in confidence that she has it. I feel bad because everyone else has guessed anyway. She managed to educate herself and keep down jobs, but not without additional difficulty.

Ok so I have ADHD and ASD. To other people I seem successful and well balanced most of the time. But that doesn't mean it's my actual reality. I've been a binge eater for as long as I can remember, have spending issues which have been out of control and landed me in debt that I couldn't cope with, and I spend half my life utterly exhausted because of the amount of effort I expend fitting in.

My life is very regimented to ensure I do things that need to be done, when they need to be done. I prep everything for the next day in advance. So I've prepped tomorrow's lunch whilst sorting dinner, my work bag is packed and I have a list on my phone to check everything is in it. I have a reminder set to go to bed on time. I have to allow time at the end of my working day to review tomorrow and make a step by step plan of where I need to be, what I need to get done etc and I write it down because it helps me retain it.

I love exercising because it's something I do at the start of the day. It helps get my head in order and sets me up better for the day than when I don't do it. I'm quite driven by the quick reward it gives me too. I've channelled my spending buzz into a savings buzz but I had to start in very small ways, and then build upon them once they were established and routine.

I've lost a lot of weight and I'm terrified of becoming obese again. I physically can't binge in the way I used to, and purposely chose to go down the route I did because I knew I needed that physical barrier.

Its bloody hard! Medication made a hell of a difference to me though.

I'm also a skin picker, for me the underneath part of my heels.

You've no idea how refreshing it is to find someone else who does this. A horrible thing to have in common, but nice to not feel so alone.

I'm also a skin picker, for me the underneath part of my heels. I'd no idea this was related.

Does anyone have Wonderspace? My friend with executive functioning disorder and dyslexia recommended it.

It uses pomodoro to help you stick to desk work tasks by breaking things down into 25 minute sessions.

I've tried it, but my problem is getting started. So, I've not made much use of it as I'm still trying to find a way to actually get me to open it up to start!

Kindly, you have to be determined to overcome those challenges. Yes it’s overwhelming and tough but what’s the alternative?

are you not taking methylphenidate? If not, then YOU NEED TO

Massive solidarity OP, basically the only way I function is because I have a husband who helps take the life admin slack, and he keeps an eye on money and gives me "pocket money" this is all with my consent and I have full access to all accounts if I wanted to, but I need intervention as I'd just buy shite. I also only work a 30 hr week in a job that is constantly evolving and demanding so I do pretty well at it. I've tried CBT and I'm shit at keeping the diary they gave me so can't suggest that.

My house is always a mess and cluttered and I keep buying boxes and storage solutions and then never storing anything (although I like to keep things clean if that makes sense) I'm terrible at keeping on top of laundry. I can however clean and tidy other peoples houses for Britain when family or friends have needed help.

I also binge eat, but have kerbed that recently, by logging on MFP when my doctor informed me my cholesterol is too high and gave me a kick up the arse to lose weight. I've been procrastinating for a month however, but saw a shit picture of me from valentines day so that's given me the extra push to take my diet seriously. Now I am obsessively weighing every crumb that goes into my body and its coming off, just hope I can keep it up. I also found a good zumba class and have been going for the past couple of months since its "fun"

Alarms on my phone help alot with school stuff and the mums whatsapp group constantly sends reminders so I do manage to get alot of that stuff sorted.

I'm constantly late though, it's so embarrassing and there is a few people that have little patience for me, I'm worst with people I'm close too. I don't think I've ever not ran to catch my train for my morning commute, no matter how early I wake.

I also pick my skin, I didn't realise that was an ADHD thing, I've had acne my entire life though so I can't help but constantly probe at my face. When I've been very stressed I've made a real mess of my face before.

My DC definitely has ADHD too but he's only 5 and can't be diagnosed yet. Xx

Thanks. I might try the pay in three PayPal. I had avoided it out of fear of screwing that up too.

I can sooo relate to the council tax thing. And then they threaten court action and I'm so ashamed that I cannot even bring myself to call them to sort it out and then go into real severe deprivation trying to pay backdated money all in one go in panic at the last minute. It's not just about the money either. Even when I was broke and had it heavily reduced, I would end up not paying it.

I'm always in trouble with Thames Water.

I have to read the Gas meter and haven't given a reading for years. I hate to think how much I might owe once it's corrected! It's really hard. Even email reminders I just avoid looking at them.

Need to get better help. But it has to be private in my borough. NHS will not cover adult ADHD or prescribe so much GP says. I cannot afford it all currently

The other way DH thinks he's told me something when he hasn't. DS told him a week ago that he he and partner were home this weekend. I didn't find out till Thursday!!! But DH he's always adamant that I did know.

I'm so used to having conversations with DH he's completely forgotten so denies I rarely get angry. But he does with me 🤷‍♀️

So annoying. I think people think I’m rude not remembering what they’ve told me. Other people remember things effortlessly.

I can really relate to the not remembering conversations. It used to really frustrate an old boss of mine who could recall everything

I'm in awe of anyone with ADHD who can drive! I'm hopeless because I don't have the concentration or multitasking skills needed.

I actually struggle with spending because I have difficulty making decisions and end up overwhelmed by choice. I tend to go without things that I need, eg, warm coat despite having the money to buy one.

I can't cook anything other than one-pot-meals because I don't have the organisational skills to deal with multiple components of a meal simultaneously.

I'm prone to what I call 'brain farts' where I go momentarily blank about things I should know, for example, if someone asked me my house number I suddenly can't remember! (doctor says its stress and not dementia).

@janietreemore
I honestly would at this point. It would be a big weight off my mind.

Your SD may come around to the idea in time. It's hard admitting to struggling with these things. It is also hard to give up that control.

I know it’s not just being lazy and not trying hard enough. I struggle with really simple instructions but can follow complex ideas and see patterns where other people can’t; I can’t follow directions even if I really try and concentrate; I can’t remember conversations even when I’ve been listening intently; I’m hopeless at multi-tasking; I get really stressed about dates and organising events. In short I struggle with executive functioning. For example I walked past a mural in London numerous times - it’s massive. Then I suddenly noticed it and was informed it had been there for two years. I just didn’t notice it because I was thinking of other things.

I find I get overwhelmed really easily and need a lot of down time. I’m not lazy because I feel happier when I’ve done lots of tasks, I just struggle to get started and to follow through. I also get burn out when I try and push too hard so it’s not as simple as trying harder.

I think it’s a case of finding little hacks that make life easier for you. For example I put things I need to take with me by the front door so I don’t forget them. That’s made a massive difference. When I have to do something boring I set a timer. Those things and doing things in chunks rather than envisioning doing something in totality have really helped.

For instance I’m getting divorced and I couldn’t cope with the whole thing in one go - the financial side, the emotional side, the division of belongings, dealing with adult children, telling people. So I’ve had to break it down into individual pieces and dealing with each one at a time. It’s made it much more doable and bearable and I’m no longer stuck.

I kind of wish I could hand over all my finances to someone else and just be given "pocket money"! But I have no partner and no reliable relatives to do that for me.
Would you let someone take over and give you pocket money, if there was anyone (sorry there isn't at the moment a partner or reliable relative in your life). DH and I would love to do that for my SD who is always hideously in debt despite being on a good salary. But she doesn't like to have it implied that she can't manage, and thinks she will sort it out in the next month or two.

The issue is that the way you rebuild your credit rating is by taking on more debt (but obviously paying it off!).

That said, I don't know the official line on this but using klarna, open pay and PayPal pay in 3 seems to have improved my credit rating. I can manage those as its just 3 payments that they take direct from my account. I also got a phone on contract that I didn't default on. So now my rating is OK ish.

Credit cards have been my downfall. Twice in my life I've built up CC debt and not been able to pay it off then ended up with it wiped after 6 years. I'm in SH (also dont drive) so I don't particularly "need" a good credit rating. But the problem was then that I could only get high interest cards which of course ended up in spiraling debt! It's not great, I dont feel good about it. So I really wouldn't want to let that happen again.

I also didn't pay my council tax for years! I just buried my head in the sand over it. I definitely do not recommend it. I ended up close to 20k in debt to them. I've been paying it back over 3 years and I have 2 payments left now and its finally done. Didn't have a choice as they put an attachment of earnings on me, so I managed to negotiate the payment plan but if I hadn't stuck to it they would have put the attachment on again.

It's so hard. It's so easy for people to say "just be responsible". I'm not saying I expect sympathy, not at all. But I find most NT people dont have empathy and think I'm just making excuses. I can manage to be "good" for a period of time, but its always a struggle and I always cave in and splurge again at some point.

I kind of wish I could hand over all my finances to someone else and just be given "pocket money"! But I have no partner and no reliable relatives to do that for me.

My last dishwasher died on me ( because waterboard allowed a road works to break a mains pipe in the middle of the night … burnt out my machine🙄) so I’ve got another 1 to love now. I have to sort of trick myself to get it loaded? It’s like i can do it almost accidentally. Buuuut, mine has to go on at night as we have cheaper night-time electricity.
How many lost, misplaced, forgotten whilst charging; -keys wallets, phones tablets???
My GMum about 60yrs ago was gonna play piano for my cousins ballet class exam…. complete chaos!! no mobiles to remind or find her, never discovered what she doing, so whole thing collapsed for all class & hired examiner no other way to produce accompanying ‘music’!!! cousin wanted to murder GM, never spoke to her again. Guess that’s where i inherited it?

How many cupboards & crates of fabric lengths for funishings or clothes that may well never be made up… my oldest 1 is nearly 50yrs old lol.
I find I’m a bit better at organising the rejection sensitivity now, I can reassure myself that’s how I am feeling, its not being ‘over sensitive’, I can feel how I choose, sort of helps me to put it in it’s own little file in my brain wher I can find it later if needed.
House & garden are a tip

Theres a load more, many thanks Cantfinishanything 💐

I think this is the kind of thing my SD would be saying if she was more self-aware. She gets a lot of fun out of life at times, but also feels nihilistic about the future.
And yes, she would probably revoke the arrangement and take back control of her money as soon as she started feeling frustrated or anxious.
For yourself, is there anything at all that someone else could do that genuinely would help you? What you are saying makes the whole situation sound very bleak.

A friend put off asking about meds. Eventually he was persuaded to and pretty quickly he was shocked at how his brain settled/quietened (his words). He still found it difficult for that focus initailly and basically had to train himself because it just wasn't in his experience .
He feels some guilt about himself and what he could have been doing if he had done it sooner.
BTW its nit 100% but is definitely so much better for him.

My DH knows exactly what I am like, and after 20 years of trying to manage my time, finances and staying on top of the general life admin, his health is starting to take a bit of a hit. My health has been terrible over the past decade (head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a movement disorder), so my poor old brain used up whatever spare capacity it once had.

I yearn to be efficient, organised, less impulsive, and try not to comfort purchase things then feel terrible and guilty for it.

My DM is a polar opposite of me and just doesn't get it sometimes. She seems to have some sympathy at times but is of the "get on with it" type, which squashes my self esteem even lower when she makes the occasional OTT criticism remark. She just won't ever get what it is like to have poor executive functions. It's all good being efficient and organised but not everyone can be, and that shouldn’t be a bad thing.

Please do!

I hear you. It’s a spectrum like autism…. There are autistic people who can’t/don’t speak and there are autistic people who are high functioning.
ADHD is basically a developmental issue with executive functioning. The level of maturity of your EF determines how much you struggle.
i have learned all this to help my husband. Happy to give more info if it’s useful to anyone.

I’m not sure tbh, I don’t know it always is. I often feel I could have done it better etc, or it doesn’t get done. Or I ruminate on having left it until the last minute. Again!

A therapist once said to me I’m not getting the reward from doing tasks, so essentially it continues the procrastination cycle.