Why does no one talk about the more extreme traits of ADHD?

Tell me you jace zero idea about ADHD without telling me you have zero idea about adhd. Everyone is different - if me and my DH divorced my son would have to live with him because I’m not sure I’m consistently together enough. But driving creates a hyperfocus environment for me. I’m an incredibly safe driver - never had a point on my license, I’m able to assimilate lots of info about others actions. My only accidents are people driving into the back of me. I can’t drive for long periods as it’s exhausting though. Other people on here say they can’t drive because of ADHD.

@Cantfinishanything try Access to Work they provide grants and support whether you’re in work or looking for work. I’ve applied for a grant to be able to have an ADHD coach https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

There are literally lots of people on this thread saying they can't drive because of ADHD.

Mmmmmyeah but you have kids, a car and a driving license right?

But you have to be sufficiently together in the first place to navigate the GP form, convince them to assess you etc etc. Especially given the system generally seems not keen. I'd just give up normally but this thread may convince me to see it through. But there are people who find it even harder than me - how can they get to the point of organising the doctor consultation in the first place?

I forget people when I can't see them. Including friends and family.

Poor object permanence is a ND thing apparently, and it extends to people as well as objects.

I am very fortunate that I have really understanding friends but it certainly took a long time to find my tribe.

Also a lot of diagnoses. ADHD, ASD, Dyspraxia, Hypermobility, CFS. I have found that the people who want to remain friends with me have all taken it upon themselves to really understand my disabilities and they appreciate what I do bring to the table rather than what is missing.

I also bite my nails, pick spots, pull hair out of my head, pick the skin on my feet until I can't walk and/or hobble until I can't feel the pain anymore. It really disabled me when doing some long retail shifts.

I have tried so often to wear fake nails but they feel so alien, the picking starts immediately and they're off within a day.

It's taken me 3 years to grow out the bald patches of my hair on my head, but I have redirected to hair on other parts of my body.

I often feel like I'm the only person going through this but I know I'm not, rationally. A lot of people just say well have you tried not doing that, and it's just so difficult to explain the lengths at which I've gone to in order to not do the things I do.

I was reading that whilst nodding along! Never felt like I fitted in society "right". I wonder how everyone does it! From time keeping to holding down relationships. The world doesn't seem very catered for NDs. Ironically people probably think I don't care when actually I beat myself up about it all the time.
(Also you just reminded me of my parking fines which I keep forgetting about)!

Just a note! SNRIs work better for those with ADHD than SSRIs! I've tried every SSRI alongside my elvanse but an SNRI worked!

It’s up to you whether you want to identify as disabled or not but I replied to you saying ‘it’s not a disability’ when legally, it is and that is a good thing. I’m just stating a fact. Sorry you don’t like it.

Hi OP, sorry things are tough.

I use Dubbii which is an app for ND people. They have online sessions where you body double with a host who encourages everyone (gently) to get shit done. It’s honestly so supportive and nice environment. It also weirdly works! I don’t know how!

It’s only a few quid a month and I’d really encourage you to give it a go.

Agreed.

I’m better than I was because I’m medicated, but if it was as easy as “have a routine” then pretty much no-one would ever not!

I will say, some ADHD people seem to benefit from not having to organise themselves to go to physical premises during opening hours. The older female relative I mentioned upthread used to spend all day not going to the bank to deposit cheques in the 90s, and would then turn up as it closed. She looked after me a lot so I remember a few instances of us getting there and the door had just shut.

I am getting so much relief from this thread, because I no idea the heel picking thing was even related to ADHD. I thought it was just another antisocial habit. I literally peel off bits of the skin. I also chronically bite my nails. I am fascinated by women who manage to go through RL life with long nails!

Does anybody find maintaining friendships hard?

I'm shit. Yet I really love them. But I find it tough to return DMs and call.

Then I get into this terrible horrible cycle where I haven't called, then I feel guilty that I haven't called or messaged, then the paralysis of the thought of their disappointment that I didn't call or return their messages, means I procrastinate more, until weeks even months have passed, in some cases...years. I have lost contact with a few really wonderful people this way. One had just become a new mum and was needing friends. I feel absolutely shit till this day about letting her down, yet I think about all these people I'm been absent from all the time.

I only have two friends who have persevered and I suspect one of them also has ADHD. We will meet up or phone each other after months not speaking and it's like it was yesterday. Conversely we have odd moments when we chat for several days in a row. The other one has a lot of children, so she doesn't mind if she doesn't hear from me for months even. Again we just talk like it was yesterday.

Yet strangely I am great with acquaintances. Making friends is easy. But I cannot keep them.

ADHD is absolutely paralysing and I am 30 year olds and still didn't find a coping technique that works consistently, and I have tried all of them.

Whether you choose to call yourself disabled or not is not the point.

It is a disability.

The same way my friend with no legs doesn't like being called disabled, however the absence of her legs is a disability.

Fine, you're not disabled. That doesn't mean other people don't find it disabling. Don't undermine other people's struggles by telling them they're not disabled. It is paralysing having it, and having lived with it for years, no coping techniques have worked long term for me.

I'm glad your medication is working for you, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone.

The longest I managed to keep a job is a whooping 8 months and I did it because I was obsessed with the gym too. I literally went to the gym before and after work, but obviously it was not sustainable for longer periods of time.

Meds. Adhd meds. Finding the right one and the right dose.

Literally life changing.

Completely agree. Life is too complicated. I can't walk into a a bank this year to renegotiate savings. We have to make a telephone appointment and both be present hovering over the call 🙈

An app to check meter reading. A form to contact the GP.

Face to face is much missed I suspect.

My insurance policies are in an email somewhere.

I’m diagnosed and prescribed and I find it isn’t. Don’t undermine my struggle by calling me disabled

Does anyone else think modern life exacerbates ADHD traits too? I suppose easy access to credit cards certainly doesn't help with getting into debt.

I'm old enough to have known a time before smartphones and I feel my smartphone and technology in general far from making things easier makes things harder. I find it hard to step away from more interesting content online than what I'm supposed to be doing. Constant distractions. And then the boring admin part of endless apps and having to clear your cache and boring, boring crap like that and not being able to do things simply without a thousand clicks.

I think this is part of the problem - because so many people now have what I'm going to call 'mild' ADHD, there is little recognition of those who have the kind of ADHD where no coping techniques or hacks are going to cut it. Of course there will be these people if 'its a spectrum'. There will be people actually disabled by it where 'determination' or 'strategies' just won't be enough. Ever.

I think I'm on the 'mild' end but honestly this thread has made me cry with relief because it's not just me being shit. But nevertheless I can just about cope (though I do spend a lot of time in tears and feel like everything is awful and I've fucked up many many times).

I struggle to get help but I can just about do it in the right conditions. What of the people who are so debilitated they can't?

I think I am resolved now to try and get some help, inspired by those on here who struggle like me but have managed to improve things. I'm considering developing an in depth obsession with laundry detergents to get the washing done, for a start.

Although I've also realised from this thread that partly I have a DH problem which is likely exacerbating the ADHD traits. I wonder in fact if he's a bit ADHD. He has a lovely, stimulating job, well paid and has left me to do all the shitwork ever since we had children. The collaborative task we were doing - he had all the fun interesting bits and I had all the boring bits I can't stand.

I think you’ll find it is

Couldn’t agree more op. My daughter has it and extreme adhd is so so debilitating. She will always need support.

No, because ADHD isn’t a disability and there is no comparison to be made there. ADHD doesn’t paralyse people who have it, it makes life more challenging certainly but those challenges can ge overcome with coping techniques