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AIBU?

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To not let my 12 year old hand around in the town centre

102 replies

Twooclockrock · 02/03/2026 08:41

12 year old son is in a huge mood as we have said no to letting him go and hang around in the town centre with friends.
A teen family member was stabbed two weeks ago nearby but not in the town centre (non life threatening) , his cousin was mugged in the town centre not long ago, and a friends son age 17 was approached by a group of kids who produced a knife and told him to get out of their area only three weeks ago.
Plus we have had several letters home from school saying to stay out of the highstreets due to the school wars thing going on this past week.
London suburbs, relatively nice area but bordered by some not so nice areas and the town centre is a known hang out for gangs.
It feels so restricting and mean to say no, but I am concerned for his safety and think it's not worth it.
Do you let your tween/tern hang out in the toen centre? Ie walk around the shops, grab some food etc? It used to be the main event of a saturday for me when I was his age.

OP posts:
NotDarkGothicMama · 02/03/2026 09:00

YANBU. I don't let my teenagers hang out in town and I'm very open about why. I used to go shopping with my friends nearly every weekend at that age, but back then no one was getting stabbed outside M&S.

Their friends are always welcome at our house and they have plenty to do at the weekend/other places to meet friends.

Eucatastrophilia · 02/03/2026 08:53

In the circumstances you really need to offer him absorbing and stimulating alternative ways to spend the time.

Can you afford to do that? Or to spend time finding low cost or free opportunities for him to engage in? Let’s not forget that while some 12 year olds are hanging round unsafe shopping centres, others are travelling hours to a junior conservatoire, or taking part in drama classes, or planting trees, or attending science workshops - not to speak of all the sports / training happening everywhere, every day.

(The solution we found to this prospective issue involved scholarships and bursaries and a transformative widening of the child’s horizons - but I realise not everyone will want to take that route.)