To go see DD1

Not sure why you've asked for opinions, as it sounds like you've already made your mind up.

For goodness sake, don’t let her make her doubt yourself, she cannot dictate every aspect of your life, try though she might. Go and have a wonderful time with your eldest. It’s shit to be the one who is considered to be ‘less’ in terms of needs, attention etc etc.

The FaceTime was to discuss exams primarily and how she was doing- not go through the daily schedule (which was an idea for before the mum goes on holiday). You’ll see from my later post I agree with leaving the DD2 but this was an idea to support her without having to cancel the whole trip (and would stilll enable the DD2 to feel in touch with her mum). So save the moraL outrage FFS.

in uk a level exams start from may 11

this - I am sorry but having had a nd child we supported during A levels the pressure ramps up at easter since their exams are soon.

🤣 what a ridiculous post. Smacks of tell me you're an entitled prat without telling me.
🤔 projecting much..

I would go. She has a support system and her other parent, who you know could step up and be a parent.
She is 18 and will be going to uni are you to stay close by for her entire life. You're with her 100% of the time. It is only 6 days. She needs to get a grip.

Just go she will be fine and has friends and family close by . Kids can be selfish and of course she'd rather you gave her all your attention.

Omg I’ve never read anything like this. FaceTime an 18 year old every day to discuss them having breakfast, fresh air & a timetable? I’d be worried sick if at 18 my dc needed a FaceTime everyday to remind them of things like this.

How on earth would your kids cope in the real world?

Absolutely go, she's an adult. I was due to go away for a friend's wedding in June but my 15yo will be in the middle of GCSEs so I've decided not to go. If it was Easter I'd definitely be going, life can't stop for months on end because exams are coming up.

@BurnoutGP Please go! You need to show dd1 that she's important as well! Don't know if you have hear the term glass children, if not Google it.

You have made sure that there is a security network around her- she will be fine. She's used to be a priority at all times so ofcourse will have no comprehension of other people's needs and desires. I also think that you need to gradually start thinking about yourself because you sound like a prisoner catering to dd2. Not good for anyone of you.

Enjoy your trip!

Go absolutely go. She has another parent nearby and it sounds as if you and your other daughter need this.

I’d also be interested in how many people over the age of 35/40 had parents who basically walked them through every step of their exams. I bet they didn’t.

My own parents provided food, a roof over my head and would have chatted to me if I was obviously upset, and got help if I was really ill but it was absolutely not their job to micromanage my revision timetable or exams at that age. We’d all have thought that was batshit.

I did my own timetable, arranged to meet with friends to revise, had a chat to teachers if there was something I was worried about, made sure I had the right books (bought a few revision guides), and then got on with it.

Also how the hell are kids going to get on at Uni or in a workplace if their parents are micromanaging revision and exams to this extent when they are 18? Yes exams are stressful but part of getting older and becoming an adult is learning how to deal with stress on your own- without mummy doing it for you. And if you think A levels are stressful what about uni finals, job interviews or a massive real-life crisis at work?

I would go. DH has a very high functioning ND sister who always took priority. It has resulted in him having a terrible relationship with his parents and they have no contact at all now. Your children have 2 parents and this is on of those situations where your ex needs to step up and do his part to help with DD2.

Exactly this, posters on MN can be so dramatic.

I’d go.

I’d fill the house with food and arrange for regular fixed visits from friends and family- like her dad 2/3 times for an evening meal, family friends, other family.

I’d also arrange a regular time to FaceTime every day for at least half an hour and discuss with her a daily timetable where she gets up at a sensible time, has a decent breakfast, revises but has regular breaks and fresh air. Of course she can also contact you outside the FaceTime call too.

I do not think a 17 yrs old who sounds decently independent needs helicoptering. It also sounds as though she has a tricky relationship with your DD1 and I suspect that this might be behind her reaction.

She's 18, she's an adult! She can manage for 6 days, surely?

Is this really about an 18 year old being unable to look after themselves for a few days, or is it more about there being a competition between your dds for your attention?

At 18 they can vote, get married, fight in the military, drive. They are adults. Yes, young adults. But adults. Maybe she can't live alone. But she should be able to cope in her mum's house, clean, stocked with food, basics, paid for heating, power, water. All she has to do is manage herself.

Helicopter parenting isn't doing these adults any favours. Her mum will be at the end of a phone and her dad lives 5 minutes away. It's not exactly hardship.

Oh stop it, you can’t be serious. “Bad luck DD1! Once again DD2 needs to take priority”.

Whereabouts in Asia? It may not be a good idea to travel there for the foreseeable future.

These responses are weird very dramatic OP.

DD2 is 18 years old, she's not 8. And yes A-levels can be stressful, but its 6 days, she has friends and family close by, and the exams aren't for a few weeks.

One poster mentioned you needed to be there bring her snacks??? Give me strength. My mum was working all day when I was revising for A-levels, and I was cooking her dinner for when she got home.

She's doing some exams in 6 weeks, she's not just had major heart surgery.

Id go, but would feel guilty the whole time and also feel I was short changing dd1 as my mind would still he on dd2.

Im sorry @BurnoutGP. You sound like you really need a nice break away from the drama, but I dont think this will be it.

Hopefully in the future nice breaks will be a reality.

Any explanation for your words or just looking to spew vitriol and a clearly stressed @BurnoutGP ?

It is difficult but sounds like this is really important for dd1 & op’s relationship, op needs a break (look at the username) and it won’t actually impact dd2 anyway. I get it isn’t ideal but nothing is and there is no need to kick someone when they are down.

I’d go. It’s six days and it’s not during the exams. She has support around her.

I have experience of one DCs needs trumping the other through no fault of their own, and I think you should prioritise DD1 this time.