I don’t understand people who play devils advocate

No, of course not @PollyBell

AIBU has always been a robust place of opinion. We all know this.

However I’ve seen women suffering DV who come on this sub forum (rightly or wrongly as there are other places to post)

… and get utterly vilified and gaslit by women posters (yep, their posting history suggest so!) who bizarrely appear to want to blame the OP for anything they’ve written about their circumstances, or blame them for their spelling and grammar, or accuse them of “dripfeeding” and not sharing every contextual detail in the first post.

So yeah, I’m sorry but I don’t consider that “healthy” either.

I’m an ex teacher

if there is one thing that I have learnt after two decades in education it’s that everyone thinks they are right about everything.

kid brings a knife to school and hurts someone with it - Miss I was being bullied and I was scared so I started carrying a knife for protection.

nobody ever seems to admit they were in the wrong they always have excuses and reasons and think they were in the right.

he punched me first
she deserved it
he was being horrible to me

I have literally never spoken to a teen who says yeah I did that sorry it was wrong.

so these days when I hear people telling about events I am very aware that while they may not be consciously lying they are certainly giving a partial truth.

we had cctv so often were able to watch the incident on video. Spoiler, humans tend to lie.

So it is way more healthy to go to OPs ''how could they do that to you they are 100% to blame you are never at fault there is only your version and it is the truth''

People use “devil’s advocate” on the AIBU forum here as a way of belittling or winding up the OP, especially if they are emotional in their first post and the example they give is pretty open and shut in terms of them being reasonable but perhaps a victim.

I suspect sometimes this is also the case in real life.

YANBU.

Does he actually say this is what he’s doing, as in name it? Or does he always seem to take the opposing side to yours so you are somehow always wrong?

Yeah I actually do want people to agree with me! 😁

It could be that he knows you a little too well OP and thinks you can't take criticism about maybe how you have handled situations. So rather than saying it outright he says he is playing devil's advocate.

How would you handle it OP, if he stated plainly that you were in the wrong in a situation you have described? Not very well I assume from the tone of your opening post.

What if the problem with your colleague was instigated by you?

Surely discussing it with someone can make you look at something from another angle?

Or do you just want people to agree with you?

I’ve never seen anyone play devils advocate sincerely. I’ve only observed people doing it when the opposing POV actually aligns with their own, they’re just too gutless to own it.

It’s not remotely the same as recognising there will be other perspectives, or nuances to situations.

I don’t know why they do it either. I would never do it and I don’t even like the phrase. It’s like they are deliberately not taking your part.

if you have a different opinion, or think I was wrong, just say it. I wish people were clearer!

Sometimes people don’t like getting involved in other people’s drama so staying on the fence can mean you don’t have an opinion as such so there’s no come back if the drama explodes .

I do this. It’s usually to try and see things from both sides. Sometimes just so I can take a balanced view of the situation and then decide my opinion and sometimes I’ll admit I’ve done it to try and let the angry person see how this situation may of come about. Generally speaking the only person that’s gets really angry when I do this, is also someone who believes they’re always right, treats their opinion as fact and cannot see anything from someone else’s point of view.

I agree with PP, if more than one person does this to you, is it possible that you are repeatedly in the wrong and they either don’t believe your version of events, or think you have behaved badly?

Because no ever admits to being at fault people always blames everyone else, he would only have your version of whatever you say so you want a puppet who just nods along and adrees with everything you say?

Well what if they didn't ? Then you would live in an echo chamber.

Sometimes having another person outline a different way a situation can be read is helpful.

As long as they don't try to force their potential reading onto you, I think it's ok.

Well, they’re well aware they’re only getting one person’s side of the story, and sometimes it’s very obvious that an alternative version of events is likely to exist.

I do this because my autism tells me it's only fair to consider the other side as well. Yes, it drives everyone around me batshit crazy but I can't help it.