Is friend BU about wedding invitations?

I think its fair enough if she doesn’t really know them. They don’t want to socialise with her, so why are they bothered they are not invited. Suspect
they aren’t, but the women are offended on their behalf.

I think inviting friends to a party without their long time significant others is pretty mean spirited tbh, unless the party is specifically for just a small set of friends with something in common. And when that party is supposed to be celebrating a union of two people it seems even more so. So I can see why her friends are upset - it doesn't scream really liking them and thinking they are important to her.

But people can invite who they like to their party and no one is entitled to an invite. Anna's friends should remember that behaviour is communication - they should read Anna's behaviour in not inviting them and act accordingly.

Even if every other invitation she’s extended to them in the past has been rejected? At some point we all give up inviting people to our events if they always say no. It’s a bit embarrassing to beg them, no?

I agree

If a couple, I hope he’d stay in and have dinner and drinks with us. Just like I would if he invited a friend and his girlfriend over. Otherwise it looks like you’re actively avoiding them. I can’t imagine my dad inviting his friend and wife over for dinner and my mum deciding she’s off out for the evening! It would just be so incredibly rude to the visitors. These couples are acting like house share Flatmate’s. Saying that, when I’ve been in a house share I’m more friendly to visitors than these women’s partners are!

With this argument though, I’d rather give a plus one to my friends friend that I get on with and socialize with than a partner who never gives me the time of day and goes out for the evening when I visit

Sounds to me that the two partners that have no wish to socialise with controlling Brian have the measure of him.
He sounds awful.
Anna is not much better with her pettiness.
She can't socialise alone, yet expects her friends to force their partners to join her and Brian.
What a double standard.
They should decline the wedding.

Yes @holycrapballs- if Anna is trying to convince herself that it’s a normal relationship, then the other men refusing to go on “girls nights” does highlight how odd her relationship with Brian is. It makes it harder for her to lie to herself.

It’s not right from an etiquette point of view. Married couples should definitely be invited together and long term partner normally fall in to that category too.

I don’t know why the bride is willing to go against the norms and piss her friends off over this. All to prove a point that they should socialise with Brian more?

It’s a huge red flag that Brian has no friends. One of the main green flags for me was that DH had lots of friends and I got on with all of them!

So that’s why Anna is pissed off with the other partners then. If they’re there it looks less weird that Brian is always tagging along.

I’ve had a very similar situation in a friend group previously. That marriage got gradually more controlling and abusive unfortunately.

Just read the full thread. Brian is a weirdo.

Team bride

Brian sounds like a right cling on. I’d purposely arrange nights without Anna and if she asks, say it was a girls night, and you’d insist Brian should come.
As for the wedding, it’s hard as it’s up to the bride and groom, but they may lose friends iver this. Sounds like their friends are fed up with them anyway. I would be, if my friends other halves always had to come to any events.

I hate being dragged to DH’s friends weddings where everyone is a stranger to me, and suspect he feel the same about my friends. We both happily go where we both know the couple. I wish more people would adopt this approach to invites (because it’s a bit rude to decline an invite you’re named on when your spouse is going!).

You mention plus ones in the OP only being given to some people. That’s not quite right - no one is getting a plus one, they are giving named invites to people they know and socialise with. A plus one is pretty much a thing of the past given wedding costs nowadays, and is usually for someone without a steady partner that can be named on the invite.

I’m old school and only invite couples or plus ones, I’d choose a cheaper venue if I couldn’t afford to do this.

Did his ex manage to have friends?

Have you specifically said “girls night” for a meet up and said “no husbands/partners at this one”? Would she not go? Would he pressure her into declining?

i assume he’s coming on the hen night.

Doesn't Brian have his own work friends that he could go out with? What about old school friends? He is obviously gatecrashing your girls' nights out at Anna's instigation but Anna is framing this as the other husbands and boyfriends deliberately snubbing Brian by not attending themselves.

I'd be seriously re-thinking the friendship with Anna.

The etiquette is not to ignore the fact your friend is married. Effectively, a married couple usually share their money, to an extent, so they'll effectively be getting presents from the partner to! Obviously people can legally do whatever they like, but if they didn't invite my husband, I'd probably not bother going.

Anna is incredibly short sighted and seems to be with arsehole of a man, she never goes anywhere without him? is he coming to the hen do?
Ask her how Brian would fee if she is invited solo to a wedding.
She cannot force ppl to be friends with him, tbh I wouldn’t be interested in a friendship where her man has to be glued to her.

I had a friend not invite my husband despite us all socialising together and both of them coming to our wedding six weeks before.

Unless it’s work colleagues or a hobby group I find it a bit odd to invite people you care about to celebrate your marriage but disregard theirs! But I accept I’m in the minority for this. For my wedding we had it in a village hall so we could invite all the people we wanted in the budget we had.