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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be puzzled by workplace affairs/relationships?

170 replies

Linlin24 · 01/03/2026 18:15

It seems so common these days (both from on here and elsewhere) that colleagues become romantically involved.

Is it just me, or I struggle to see how this happens? Everywhere I’ve worked has been professional and barely any time to discuss non work matters!!

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 01/03/2026 21:42

Tacohill · 01/03/2026 21:38

Yes I understand that but I just find it odd that someone would choose to go for someone they work with over the thousands of single men who aren’t connected to their work.

I guess it was more common back in the day as people didn’t have as much access to dating and it was taking more of a risk by putting ads in the paper etc but nowadays there are dating sites where you can speak to them and build a connection but not have it invade other areas of your life like work.

But I am someone who also wouldn’t date a friends ex or family member, as I think that can cause issues but I know many people who do.

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Oh you’re just better than most of us with your list of who you wouldn’t and wouldn’t date.

I’d never use dating sites

Tacohill · 01/03/2026 21:38

BauhausOfEliott · 01/03/2026 21:26

We’re all different. You don’t have to take the risk because you don’t think it’s worth it, but surely you can see that for someone else, that risk wouldn’t be as big a deal.

You also said in your previous post ‘there are lots of men in my job who are nice and good looking so how would I know which one to choose.’ I mean… I personally need more than just ‘nice’ and ‘good looking’ to consider someone a relationship prospect. I’d need a rapport with them way beyond that, and it’s very rare that I have that kind of rapport with anyone. So it’s not like I’d just be picking from a line-up. I’ve worked with plenty of nice and good-looking men in my life (and still do) but my DP was the only one I would ever have wanted a relationship with.

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Yes I understand that but I just find it odd that someone would choose to go for someone they work with over the thousands of single men who aren’t connected to their work.

I guess it was more common back in the day as people didn’t have as much access to dating and it was taking more of a risk by putting ads in the paper etc but nowadays there are dating sites where you can speak to them and build a connection but not have it invade other areas of your life like work.

But I am someone who also wouldn’t date a friends ex or family member, as I think that can cause issues but I know many people who do.

BauhausOfEliott · 01/03/2026 21:26

Tacohill · 01/03/2026 20:33

I agree but no one knows how the other person is going to act if you break up.

You may know that you’re the type of person who can be cheated on or left for an OW etc and still be able to maintain a professional stance but what if it doesn’t work out and the other person is unprofessional and makes things difficult.

Surely it’s not even worth taking the risk.

Also if it doesn’t work out then you can’t then get with another colleague else you could end up getting with half the team.

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We’re all different. You don’t have to take the risk because you don’t think it’s worth it, but surely you can see that for someone else, that risk wouldn’t be as big a deal.

You also said in your previous post ‘there are lots of men in my job who are nice and good looking so how would I know which one to choose.’ I mean… I personally need more than just ‘nice’ and ‘good looking’ to consider someone a relationship prospect. I’d need a rapport with them way beyond that, and it’s very rare that I have that kind of rapport with anyone. So it’s not like I’d just be picking from a line-up. I’ve worked with plenty of nice and good-looking men in my life (and still do) but my DP was the only one I would ever have wanted a relationship with.

ChalkOrCheese · 01/03/2026 21:20

How old are you?

We had more youth employed 20 years ago and people me in person and went out out in the evening. In my 40s now and out out has long passed.

Nofeckingway · 01/03/2026 21:20

It's what I miss most about being unemployed now. It does happen of course. Twice I had to suffer because of it . A work colleague asked me to tell my DH that no spouses were going to Xmas party .Her DH was a mate of my DH. Didn't want him there as she very brazenly made her affair with our boss known to all. Then the bloke who I used to get a lift with cheated on his live in girlfriend who I also knew with a new staff member. It was excruciating as I could see that he and this woman were falling for each other . He did split up and his girlfriend was heartbroken. Eventually married the OW .

ViciousCurrentBun · 01/03/2026 21:13

Two bosses have made a play for me when I was very young and they were much older, gross and nothing happened

Had an 18 month relationship with someone at work

Met a BF at a work conference

Met DH at work and together for 30 years

BauhausOfEliott · 01/03/2026 21:01

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:22

Oh. Your purpose for posting has finally been made clear! You think you’re better than everyone else! My ‘dropped my knickers’ on my first night out is next to me on the settee now. I dropped them for him 24 years ago and can’t seem to stop dropping them. Filthy, immoral woman that I am.

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Hahaha, yep, still dropping my knickers for mine too 😂

ColdAsAWitches · 01/03/2026 20:38

My company is about 30 years old and has 250 people working for it. There are at least 20 married couples who met through work there now, including me and my husband. There has never been any question about anybody's professionalism. Surely it's a good thing that people get to know their colleagues?

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/03/2026 20:37

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You are clearly the issue here!

Loosen those knickers @Linlin24 and have yourself a quick shag.

Do you the world of good.

grumpygrape · 01/03/2026 20:37

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/03/2026 20:36

Try nursing!

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We know everyone plays Doctors and Nurses 😉

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/03/2026 20:36

Piratesue · 01/03/2026 20:32

Hospitality....happens all the time!

Try nursing!

FaceBothered · 01/03/2026 20:34

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:31

Perhaps I have! What of it?!!

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Might be time to peel them off! 😁

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/03/2026 20:34

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Oh bore off.

Tacohill · 01/03/2026 20:33

taxguru · 01/03/2026 20:07

"Professionalism" only comes into it if problems arise. I.e. its "unprofessional" to take a relationship argument into the workplace, or to let a breakup affect your work, etc. If you (and the other person) can maintain "professional" when things turn bad, then no problem at all - most people can remain professional. Me and my first partner remained professional in our workplace when we broke up!

I agree but no one knows how the other person is going to act if you break up.

You may know that you’re the type of person who can be cheated on or left for an OW etc and still be able to maintain a professional stance but what if it doesn’t work out and the other person is unprofessional and makes things difficult.

Surely it’s not even worth taking the risk.

Also if it doesn’t work out then you can’t then get with another colleague else you could end up getting with half the team.

Piratesue · 01/03/2026 20:32

Hospitality....happens all the time!

SP2024 · 01/03/2026 20:32

Met my husband at work. So did lots of people I know. I think it’ll happen a lot a loss less now people wfh more and there is less Friday socialising after work. In my industry no one goes to the office on a Friday anymore!

Conspiracytheories · 01/03/2026 20:31

BauhausOfEliott · 01/03/2026 20:18

Don’t have one then. I’m glad I did, though. Still together after 23 years and the loveliest man in the world. Glad I took the chance.

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Well i'm very glad it worked out for you
it's always very heartwarming to have a post about a happy relationship on MN .

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:31

FaceBothered · 01/03/2026 20:28

I thought you meant you still had the same pair of knickers on the couch 😬🤣

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Perhaps I have! What of it?!!

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:31

MoleShovelBam · 01/03/2026 20:25

Dirty slapper 😃

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Haha! That’s me! 🤣

FaceBothered · 01/03/2026 20:28

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:22

Oh. Your purpose for posting has finally been made clear! You think you’re better than everyone else! My ‘dropped my knickers’ on my first night out is next to me on the settee now. I dropped them for him 24 years ago and can’t seem to stop dropping them. Filthy, immoral woman that I am.

Show quote history

I thought you meant you still had the same pair of knickers on the couch 😬🤣

MoleShovelBam · 01/03/2026 20:25

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:22

Oh. Your purpose for posting has finally been made clear! You think you’re better than everyone else! My ‘dropped my knickers’ on my first night out is next to me on the settee now. I dropped them for him 24 years ago and can’t seem to stop dropping them. Filthy, immoral woman that I am.

Show quote history

Dirty slapper 😃

Lookskywalker · 01/03/2026 20:24

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Yikes.

I shagged my now partner on our first date. Because I wanted to.

please stop slut shaming.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 01/03/2026 20:22

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Ok, I think we can see why you find the idea of workplace relationships hard. It’s you…

Off to drop my (much less skimpier these days) knickers for my workplace romance of 15 years.

ainsleysanob · 01/03/2026 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh. Your purpose for posting has finally been made clear! You think you’re better than everyone else! My ‘dropped my knickers’ on my first night out is next to me on the settee now. I dropped them for him 24 years ago and can’t seem to stop dropping them. Filthy, immoral woman that I am.

WhereIsMyLight · 01/03/2026 20:21

Well, that escalated quickly. You’ve just moved from naive and a bit oblivious to outright goady fucker! 😳

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