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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my manager I won’t share a room with colleague again?

334 replies

Worktripissue · 01/03/2026 15:55

Some background here - my role requires regular travel around the UK as the company has various sites. For about 3 nights each month I stay away in a specific location; up until 2024 I always had my own room, a change was then made for financial reasons that I’d need to share with the colleague travelling with me who does the same role.

No issues at all, we got along and she was respectful and we’ve remained friends post her leaving the company recently.

I travelled with her replacement last week, and we shared a room as per process.

Firstly, she jokingly (I thought) said before we left that she is a snorer. She’s not wrong, even with ear plugs I was struggling to get an uninterrupted nights sleep. By her own admission she is a larger lady and she says even her own husband gets on at her. She honestly snored like a man.

Next issue - we have a £30 per night meal allowance. On one of the nights, I visited my cousin who lives in the area and she cooked for me, so I had no reason to use my allowance.

My colleague asked me if she could use it when I got back to the room (about 9pm at this point). Now she’d already had dinner and the restaurant was closed. She said she only wanted it for a soft drink so I said no problem. She then came back up to the room and said they were still doing room service. 20 minutes later the door goes and hot food arrives which she proceeds to eat on her bed, and the smell lingered all night.

A couple of other minor annoyances in terms of time spent in the bathroom and loud phone calls with her husband which she could have taken outside the room/in reception.

She is polite in general, but that was our first trip and I don’t think I could handle monthly stays with her.

AIBU to tell my manager I won’t share with her again?

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 01/03/2026 20:54

Most of the story is irrelevant. You shouldn't be obliged to share a room with a colleague for any reason. Full stop. Doesn't matter about snoring/good/personal habits or anything else. All irrelevant. You shouldn't be obliged to share personal private space with a colleague

ArtesianWater · 01/03/2026 20:50

CarlaLemarchant · 01/03/2026 16:11

The room sharing is the issue not your colleague. Without making any reference to your colleague individually, you need to challenge this policy as outdated and inappropriate.

I think it's unsafe tbh. Your colleague is a colleague, not a friend or family member, and could be anyone.

fetchacloth · 01/03/2026 20:37

WalkingWavy · 01/03/2026 20:04

I know the thread is getting slight derailed but my supermodel bean pole best friend (mid 30’s) snores worse than a chainsaw and always has done 😂 we all complained about it on our primary 7 boarding trip

Agreed, snoring is not always weight related and is more likely to occur with blocked sinuses more than anything else.
I know as I have suffered with sinus issues myself for over 20 years.

fetchacloth · 01/03/2026 20:33

Absolutely YANBU. You're an adult, not a 14 year old on a school field trip.
I really wouldn't accept this request from an employer as it's unreasonable.

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 01/03/2026 20:27

When I was a teacher I refused to get involved with any residential trips for this exact reason - I'm not sharing a room with anyone ever (except my husband/children).

Now that I'm out of teaching I travel fairly regularly for work and get to book my own hotel rooms and I'd never be expected to share. I'd simply refuse to travel if they asked me to share.

KatieKat88 · 01/03/2026 20:12

MikeRafone · 01/03/2026 17:22

So you avoid sharing a room with someone else, why?

I'm just a terrible sleeper in general - anywhere different and I struggle to sleep, I'm a really light sleeper so use white noise which someone else might hate. So it would be a rough night for me but not inappropriate, as I and other teachers have said, that's standard for staff on school trips. But I hate it so I avoid them in general!

Crofthead · 01/03/2026 20:07

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/03/2026 16:10

Don't think that any comment upon her size or bathroom visit duration was necessary, really.

You could pay the difference yourself?

It is if you’re sharing facilities and the person spends a long time in there and you’re keep up because she snores due to being overweight. These are the facts and relevant if posting about the challenges of sharing a room

WalkingWavy · 01/03/2026 20:04

I know the thread is getting slight derailed but my supermodel bean pole best friend (mid 30’s) snores worse than a chainsaw and always has done 😂 we all complained about it on our primary 7 boarding trip

Gingercar · 01/03/2026 19:59

Worktripissue · 01/03/2026 17:32

Nonsense, I think I’ve touched a nerve because some on here are no doubt in a similar predicament. There’s no need to take it out on me.

My husband is two stones underweight and snores like a trooper. It’s a bit narrow minded to just think fat people snore!

And I agree with the majority- I would never agree to share with a colleague! We occasionally had to have rooms with connecting doors to colleague’s rooms when I worked away and that was bad enough.

stichguru · 01/03/2026 19:58

No totally reasonable not to share! You aren't college students on a jolly for night life, you're adults with serious lives...

nomas · 01/03/2026 19:51

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/03/2026 19:49

When the OP's problem is that she's sharing with somebody overweight who eats, goes to the toilet and has a husband to speak to on the phone, not that sharing has been a problem before, yes.

The weight and eating was relevant. The lady snores due to her weight and she eats hot food in the room which made the room smelly.

nomas · 01/03/2026 19:50

HurlyWhurly · 01/03/2026 16:11

If the company had recruited a man to the other role they would be paying for a separate room so the budget must hv the ability to be flex'd...

I wonder if they make men share. Do you know, OP?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/03/2026 19:49

Picklelily99 · 01/03/2026 19:46

What, put yourself out of pocket, for work?

When the OP's problem is that she's sharing with somebody overweight who eats, goes to the toilet and has a husband to speak to on the phone, not that sharing has been a problem before, yes.

MummyJ36 · 01/03/2026 19:48

I could never do a job that involved sharing a room with a colleague. How long have you been at the company OP? I’d be kicking up an almighty fuss about having to do this when you previously had your own room.

Picklelily99 · 01/03/2026 19:46

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/03/2026 16:10

Don't think that any comment upon her size or bathroom visit duration was necessary, really.

You could pay the difference yourself?

What, put yourself out of pocket, for work?

StripedPillowcase · 01/03/2026 19:45

I've lost sympathy with you for the fat shaming, and assumption that your colleague is chosing not to lose weight.

However, when approaching your employer, I suggest you make it all about the business case - you were unable to sleep due to your colleague's snoring, and as you know she can't help it, it doesn't make business sense for you to continue to share a room as you will not be on top form for work when you are on these trips. Just make it a breezy Of course this will be changed, because it makes much more sense for the business. Don't mention your colleague's personal habits at all.

Wreckinball · 01/03/2026 19:39

tell work you need your own room. Bit late now but I’d have phoned manager in middle of the night and filled their voicemail up with the snoring!

KitWyn · 01/03/2026 19:37

Not being unreasonable at all.

There are issues of privacy and personal well-being here for both of you. And as others have said, if your colleague had been male it wouldn't have been an option.

I'd check my employment contract. Hopefully there is something on travel and accommodation standards.

But failing that I'd only mention the snoring concern to my manager. Emphasise you were unable to sleep at all. It was very, very lucky the meetings etc. went so well because you were completely exhausted. You had to negotiate/present on zero sleep. It isn't something you would be willing to risk again, because of the potential impact on your work/the company.

Everything else the manager might suggest resolving with agreed standards of behaviour in advance. And he/she might weaselly encourage you to compromise/try again with room-sharing. Snoring cannot be negotiated or reasoned into silence.

Then make it clear that you expect to have your own room for any future trips.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/03/2026 19:37

Nkgp · 01/03/2026 17:36

That’s outrageous for her to pay the difference herself. There is noise from colleague keeping op awake! Company needs to pay for the rooms needed.

It's not about needing to pay for separate rooms though, is it? It's about the OP's complaining about being around somebody overweight.

BurnoutGP · 01/03/2026 19:35

Worktripissue · 01/03/2026 17:32

Nonsense, I think I’ve touched a nerve because some on here are no doubt in a similar predicament. There’s no need to take it out on me.

Wow you can't help just digging a bigger hole can you. I was a "larger girl" as you put it and snored terribly. I didn't actually "choose to do nothing ". Obesity is challenging. With the help of marvellous mounjaro i have lost a lot of weight ...still snore though. You don't have to share with her. You don't have to like her. You also don't need to be a bitch about it.

deeahgwitch · 01/03/2026 19:28

Uticary · 01/03/2026 15:56

I cannot believe that you ever agreed to share a room with anyone.
Honestly.

This. 💯

SheilaFentiman · 01/03/2026 19:26

Yellowchair1 · 01/03/2026 19:24

I also travel with work and absolutely no way would i share!! Your company are being completely unreasonable to ask!! No f**king way!!

In this instance, the OP has been fine to share with a colleague for years, and she has not yet said she’s no longer fine. So the company aren’t completely fucking unreasonable yet - they will be if they say no once she has asked, though

twinmum2007 · 01/03/2026 19:25

Worktripissue · 01/03/2026 15:59

I think it’s because there was a big restructuring at the time with multiple redundancies so they were making a big thing about costs and not wasting money where possible. It was never an issue because my ex colleague and I were so friendly.

When my company asked that we share hotel rooms, I pointed out that, as they would never ask me to share with my former colleague - who was male -, they were being discriminatory by suggesting teo females share. They never suggested it again.

Yellowchair1 · 01/03/2026 19:24

I also travel with work and absolutely no way would i share!! Your company are being completely unreasonable to ask!! No f**king way!!

janietreemore · 01/03/2026 19:22

Worktripissue · 01/03/2026 17:32

Nonsense, I think I’ve touched a nerve because some on here are no doubt in a similar predicament. There’s no need to take it out on me.

Fair enough that you don't want to share a room with this colleague. You should tell your employer that and ask for a single room, not go on about her bathroom and eating habits to a load of strangers on the internet, then suggest that if they object, it is because they have equally revolting habits!
But perhaps this is a wind-up and not serious?

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