To think than more men should have vasectomies?

Yeah, or that it might hurt their mental health to get a vasectomy!

@MakeMineAMilkyTea It’s frustrating when you’re not listened to, isn’t it. When I was pregnant with my second child, I spoke to my doctor about sterilization and received the same answer- I might change my mind, I’m only mid-30’s, etc., etc. I was surprised at her reaction tbh as I thought she’d understand that I really did know my own mind.

I admit that I had a slight wobble around 40 about wanting another child, but I knew that it was really just the realization that time was running out. I wouldn’t have regretted being sterilized.

Female sterilisation may be more invasive than vasectomy, but it’s still relatively minor surgery - a 20-30 minute laparoscopic keyhole procedure under anaesthetic and you go home the same day.

Dh wishes he could have one but medically it MIGHT make a pre existing issue worse so they won’t do it. I’ve asked for my tubes to be tied, hysterectomy etc whatever else is permanent and they won’t as “what if I want more children” and what if “your child dies”. I’m one and done, he’s 14 don’t think if I wanted more I’d have had them by now!

thankfully I do really well on the implant as I can’t take the pill due to malabsorption issues and hate the thought of the coil and can’t have the injection for a reason I can’t remember.

ill admit I haven’t looked at the cost of going private for female sterilisation but I might just have a google and see if it’s in the budget or not.

So many people getting the wrong end of the stick and getting huffy about the poor men being forced to have an operation they don't want.

No one said anything about forcing, but it would be nice if more men stepped up and took some responsibly rather than expecting women to do all the reproductive labour AND the contraception.

Wishing more blokes took more responsibly does not equal forced vasectomies, ffs.

Men may be hard done by in some areas of life. In reproduction and sex they absolutely ain't.

When I think of the whingers I dated in my youth who made a fuss about condoms...id tell them all to piss off these days!

Because on average they're very emotionally fragile and hysterical about their penises and they feel entitled to women carrying the whole physical burden.

What's ironic is that this self-absorption and selfishness mean they shoot themselves in the dick, because them making no effort to reduce the burden on their partner means she gets turned off by them. And then they complain about not getting enough sex.

Oh do bore off, her post was one of the most reasonable on here.

As it happens my DH did have a vasectomy, but it was entirely his choice and I didn't go around being all smug and judgemental about it as you seem to be.

It is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else what people do with their own bodies, no SHOULD about it.

I know a fair number of blokes around my age who have children and don't want any more. Most of them have had vasectomies, me included.

We knew we were done with kids when we had to make that decision due to a health issue on my part. I would have been happy to go back to condoms as we had done prior to kids (couldn’t have the pill due to health issues). My husband suggested the vasectomy. I wouldn’t have pushed him and I did worry about the “would he want more kids if we broke up” but he wanted to have the vasectomy. Looking back we’re both very glad he did as it’s been the best way to manage contraception for us.

How does it assume the woman doesn't want sex?

If the woman wants sex she can take care of the contraception.

But what neither of them can do is force the other into something they don't want to do.

Whether that be using contraception, having a vasectomy or having unprotected sex.

Its hard. With hindsight i wish I had asked to have my tubes tied when i had a c section with 2nd DC

But i was stressed having been told i had to have a c section a few weeks prem for a baby that wasn't growing. I was 33, at that point we still thought a third was on the cards.

When i asked 3 years later if i could have it, the gp was very reluctant and offered me mirena.

At that stage DH wasn't keen on getting a vasectomy. He was only 34 & ive always felt you don't push someone else to give up their fertility if they don't want to.

Edit - we didn't have a third because my obstetric history meant a still born was increasingly likely as i aged and i couldn't cope with the risk. Dh would have liked a third but was understanding about why i said no and was ok with two, but his feelings re more kids was factor in why i didn't feel it was right to push him to get the snip.

@InterestedDad37 i can also attest that it hasn’t affected my DH’s libido, he’s as keen and capable as ever. 😂

This attitude assumes women dont want sex. Bit much in a marriage or relationship to go without.

However to answer OP, many many many more men should have vasectomies, whether or not they have kids, because many men are simply not cut out to have them. But thats another discussion I suppose.

If a man doesn't want any (more) children, a vasectomy is definitely the responsible choice. Far too many men take it for granted that women will take responsibility for contraception. It makes sense that we do, since we go through pregnancy, but it does of course affect the man if she does get pregnant (planned or not) and as it's her body, he shouldn't have any say as to what she decides to do at that point - so the only thing he can control is whether he has the snip or uses a condom. His body, his choice, of course - but sadly there seem to be a lot of men who want to have their cake and eat it ie have sex without a condom, without becoming responsible for a baby 9 months later.

DH and I have two children, we're in our early 40s, he definitely doesn't want any more children (and neither do I). Sadly he refuses to consider a vasectomy because he's worried about the side effects, and I obviously can't push it. Years ago he had an orchidectomy due to testicular cancer, and he did have some sensitivity around the scar site, plus more recently he had a groin injury that niggled on for a while, so it's understandable that he doesn't want to risk any more pain in that area. It's annoying but I actually don't mind the hormonal coil (I'm about to get my Kyleena replaced) as it's great not having periods. My periods have always been heavy and painful so I don't miss them one bit.

My dh recently had it done having been on the list for about 2 years. Most of his friends have told him he's mad to get it done and would definitely not consider it themselves. I think this is due to fear more than anything. It's a very selfish attitude imo. Labour is far riskier than a simple 15 minute procedure. Women put their bodies on the line for every pregnancy, birth and post partum period they go through. Not to mention the years we spend on the pill etc. It's about time more men stepped up to show their gratitude and share the responsibility of contraception.

I haven’t had a vasectomy and wouldn’t have one after my best friend had some mental health struggles after having it.

DW came of the pill 16yrs ago to start our family and she never went back on them as we both agreed that she was better off them for various reasons. We’ve used condoms ever since. Absolutely no problem at all and yes I buy them and make sure we have them on holidays and trips.

Think some of that’s what decent men do on here is a bit wild to be fair.

I absolutely agree with you. I had one when my (then) partner and I agreed we didn't want more kids.
It's a wee bit of discomfort, but then sex without the worry of unwanted pregnancy. And guess what guys? It doesn't make you less of a man, and doesn't affect your libido - it simply means you're firing blanks.

After my second pregnancy resulted in a bonus baby and we therefore ended up with 3 instead of the 2 we had planned, we both agreed that we didn’t want a #4 - without discussing the finer details.

Next thing I knew he came home wearing tight swimming trunks. When I asked why he casually told me he’d just had the snip. I will be forever grateful for making this ‘sacrifice’!

Because the consequences of failed contraception are WAY more life changing for women?

I didn't struggle on it for 20 years and then something just changed over night and my body was like "nope, don't like this". I honestly didn't actually want to come off it, I found it great. Until it wasn't.

But it is more invasive!