Friend let’s her 13yo son stay out till late.

Mine isn’t allowed to hang around the streets/park once it’s dark. If they are at an activity/cinema/bowling alley/friends house then that’s fine otherwise home.

Luckily all their friends parents think the same so never been a problem.

My ds did all of those things at 12 without needing to be out all evening 🤔

Most schools are out by 4 at the latest, so still time to go to the park with mates on the way home. Saturday afternoons for bowling, skate park, town etc..

Hanging out with her mates down the park, or at McDonald's, or the bowling alley without parents hanging about constantly.

I feel really sad for kids who never get to experience that freedom.

The problem is not the curfew but the fact he doesn't respect it

Agree 5.30pm is ridiculously early for a 12 year old.

Yes, it’s ridiculous. Being at a friend’s house til 9:30 baking or watching a film, fine. Roaming around town vaping til 9:30, clearly not fine. But some parents are shit. At 16, yes different. But I certainly was not out dicking about in the park til 9:30 at 13.

Dd has a friend who at 12 was allowed to drink at home. Dd went over and she just had empty cans of cider next to her bed. At 12!! 😳 She offered dd one at a sleepover. Needless to say, dd does not go over to said friend’s house anymore.

Just hanging out with her mates @Starlight7080like we all did.

What is she missing out on? Context is needed . If she is out later for clubs/activities then thats one thing. If she has a event she wants to go to or something similar or sleep over.
But if its just walking around dark cold streets till 9.30 then what is she missing out on??

9:30pm is fine on a weekend if you know where your child is, who they are with and what they are doing.

I don't tend to have a curfew for mine as such I ask them 'what time do you think you'll be home/should I collect you?' and if I feel the time they give me is too late we negotiate from there, but rarely need to.

It sounds like this boy has bigger issues going on and wouldn't stick to a curfew whatever time it was.

I think 9.30 is fine especially coming into the lighter months. I think the curlew for your daughter is ridiculous frankly.

Personally I have never understood this obsession with ‘curfews’ like they are living in an open prison!

Surely it’s much more important what they’re actually doing and where. Hanging around causing trouble with similar individuals is a problem at any time of day.

The curfew is fine ..if he actually kept to it. As he isn't its obviously not working. So its either come down like a ton of bricks or back off. I wonder why hes playing up. Is there a reason or is he being a little gut.

I would say 9/9 30 is about normal for a 13 year old at the weekend, it sounds like he is a handful though and his curfew is the least of his mums worries.

I think the curfew is fine. If he is not coming home on time, then there are other issues at play but the curfew itself seems fine to me.

My 11 year old can stay out until 9 in our neighbourhood. Would be later in the summer when it is bright. My 14 year old can stay out later, but again, I expect them to be nearby and not out wandering further afield. This is normal in our area. If my kids had to be in from 5.30, their friends would find it very strange.

9 or 9.30 is fine. 5.30 is bonkers for a 12 year old. The problem is he doesn’t come home at the curfew, not the curfew itself.

Is she not allowed out to the cinema or to friends houses ever after dark? Bizarre

She must be missing out on so much.

I think it is on the late side but not concerningly so, yours is extremely early.

If a child isn't coming home for a 9.30pm curfew what on earth makes you think he'd respect an earlier one?

5.30pm for 12 year old is absolutely ridiculous.

If he is the type of child you describe then 9.30 is fine. It is a compromise, it isn’t easy dealing with a wayward teenager so I wouldn’t judge harshly. Some teenagers hate restraints, they make terrible choices and believe they’re older than their years so compromise is important.
I am grateful mine are natural home birds.
He’ll get worse before he improves IME.
The only advice I’d give her is to contact youth services see if they can get him into a club.

I think the context is important.

walking back from scouts at 9pm - fine

hanging around with no one knowing where he is / older kids - absolutely not fine.

This is why blanket roles don’t work, you need to understand the lifestyle and context. Same as if my 14 yo spends 3 hours on laptop building a website it’s absolutely not the same as 3 hours watching shit on you tube.

My son will be 13 this month. There's no way he'd be out just kicking about that late, particularly when it's dark.

I never understand the cool parent responses on here! Would you really be OK with your 13 year old wandering the streets in the dark with a 9.30pm curfew he ignores?
Sports clubs etc are not comparable.

Who is he hanging about with? I doubt it's all kids his own age.
The Police are aware of this now so social services will be too. I'm sure they'll take a dim view of this, particularly if it keeps happening.

I’m with you OP and wouldn’t want my year 8, 13 year old wandering around out and about after dark. I’m surprised by the number of posters happy to have their kids out in the dark. We don’t really have a curfew as it depends where he is, what he’s doing and who he’s with but generally DS and all his friends have to be home for dinnertime and in our area they’re quite spread out and don’t live that close to each other so it never occurs to them to go back out after dinner. If he had friends nearby and they were going to the local park to play football or whatever I’d definitely want him home about half an hour before dark.

*edited spelling mistake

Yep the curfew is too late but he’s ignoring it anyway so that’s by the by. She’s got problems with parenting her ds, I hope she seeks help.

9.30 for a 13.5 year old seems ok to me, whereas 5.30 seems very early.

My dc never had curfews but I did insist I knew where they were and who with, they never pushed it too far (before tracking apps existed too). Trust is so important