to be sick of silent DH during meals?

I would hate this also and find it rude. What is he like when the two of you go for a meal?

DH has always been like this

Then why expect a change now?

If you want a quiet meal time for yourself sometimes, just be silent and point to your mouth and mumble.
"I'm chewing, DC, ask Daddy."
or
"Careful, DC, do not speak while you are chewing, you could choke."
or
"Remember to chew with your mouth closed, DC, you can chatter when you've eaten your vegetables."

Or you could turn on some quiet background music. or bird calls on a CD.

i wonder if the more he ignores everyone the more they misbehave, or the louder they talk?

Just say “what do you think?” To him when DC asks a question
I don’t think it deserves being moaned at tbh

Cant believe the answers on here. Meals in our house are family times. If someone sat there not talking/answering his own children and leaving it all up to his wife, I’d be so angry. Is @Bubblewrappery allowed to ever have a nice meal where she gets to eat her meal in peace?
What is it teaching children if both parents want to eat in silence, sit and eat your food in silence. How joyless!

You can be childish and repeat that from both sides or you can be an adult and discuss it without getting angry, as OP says her DH does

There gas to be some way of discussing this and coming to a compromise, as that is what adults, parents do

Having children changes the equation. He's still a parent during meal times, and can't unilaterally decide opt, e.g. helping them eat - cutting up their food if needed, encouraging them to try new food, encouraging them to sit quietly until everyone has finished etc.

OP, my DH is similar and it really annoys me too. I find it boring and also don’t think it’s nice for the kids- or me for that matter! I think it’s important to chat at dinner table and it’s mainly up to me to keep the convo going and to answer to kids’ questions and comments. And quite often the kids will also start their sentence ”mummy, why xxxx”. So it’s often like they already expect me to be the one to talk to them. Frankly, this is a pretty major issue for me, but it’s partially due to my DHs personality and not really something he does out of rudeness or so. I wonder if we’ll be eating in silence once the kids are gone - this wouldn’t be something I’d be happy with.

He isn't imposing on anyone, he is juat eating his meal in peace fgs.
If he was telling you all to shut up then you'd have something to complain about but he isn't.
And if you want a meal in peace why don't you occassionally let your child know you will be happy to talk after dinner?

Yanbu, I'd hate that. It's really good to have a part of the day where the family sits together and chats. We've always eaten at the table at dinnertime so that we could enjoy hearing about everyone's day, discuss the news together, have a laugh.

Both my now adult kids have told me that none of their friends ever did the same, and that they're so glad that we did. We have a lovely close relationship with them and their partners also.

However - you say "Over the years I bring this up (as do the DC), but he just gets annoyed". What do you mean by that? Do you bring it up at the dinner table, or when you're otherwise having a nice calm conversation? What form does his annoyance take, what does he say?

Just trying to get a handle on it from his point of view. Is he silent because he just wants to eat in silence, would he prefer if there was complete silence at the table? Or is he choosing to ignore everyone because he's not really engaged with you all? I suppose I'm really asking what kind of husband he is?

make sure everyone stays at the table afterwards, or sits early, so they can chat perhaps?

I also hate chatting while eating. Guess that’s why I find eating in restaurants difficult now as it appears rude to sit silently. I find it preferable to eat alone and chat at other times. It doesn’t mean anyone is right or wrong. It may go back to childhood when it really was a case of no talking at the dinner table. However I didn’t bring my own children up like this it’s only as I’m getting older and more solitary

i think you will just have to learn to live with it
and enjoy your dc's chat

You knew this about him when you chose to marry him.

These are the things you decide upon when dating.

He has always been like this. What did you expect?

My H’s dad used to make the family sit in silence whilst he listened to radio 4 during dinner time - H hated it.

It is possible to eat, have conversation, eat, you know do both and enjoy mealtimes together, as a social event around a table. We do but then me and H did before we got married and had children.

I doubt it will change, he hasn’t needed to do far and he has a wife and children, so why would he? You can either accept this characteristic of him and carry on chatting without him, at least he isn’t expecting you all to sit in silence, and then he joins in the conversation after he has finished eating or you don’t and lay down an ultimatum which you are prepared to carry out.

Have you tried taking the piss? That’s what I would do. Oh Daddy can’t eat and have a conversation that’s too difficult for him. Type thing. See if pointing out his fuck weird mealtime ego might spark him into change.

As you said “he has always been like this”.

Why marry somebody you want to change?

If you asked him afterwards on your own what he thinks about this issue what would he say ? If you said the child feels that he doesn't care and is ignoring them does that illicit a response?

Unless he is asking OP to be silent during meals he is not imposing his way on her.

What sort of things are your DC wanting to discuss? If it's concerns about things like bullying, or not keeping up with their work, or similar themes, aren't those best left for protected time where you can focus on the problems, rather than at mealtimes.

i wonder if your DH is deliberately not getting involved, because it's overwhelming trying to navigate such complexity while trying to eat, so he's signalling that the timing isn't great and to discuss things like that at a different time.

I wouldn't have got past a single date with someone who couldn't make conversation over dinner. He's unlikely to change now.

Nothing worse than trying to change someone it rarely works

wonder where the kids get there chattyness at meal times from

Op I'm with you 100% I have this and have massively struggled with it over the years.

I have to try and prime him to make an effort for special occasions.

I think it's extremely selfish and inward looking
However in our case I feel it's learned behaviour from DH because his parents are just such a nightmare ! I think his way of dealing with it is silently trying to get through his meal.
But he knows it's miserable and upsets me and like you op, we have one super chatty child and it's me trying to field queries and questions .

I'm not asking for him to change just be aware and chip in. When we go out for dinner I take card games which helps and forces his interaction which seems to loosen things up before the meal

Why should DH's preferences trump the idea of cooperation?

Why should yours though?

This is clearly how he eats. If he chats at other times, perhaps avoid making meals with him a social affair- don’t take him to restaurants!

I imagine it’s annoying, but that’s how he does it.