to be sick of silent DH during meals?

Overwhelming?? Really? Next you'll be saying he can't be expected to engage in conversation while he's walking, or maybe even breathing. I'd doubt they're discussing Kantian aesthetics or integral calculus while the kids chow down on their fish fingers.

I think what makes it unfair is that you are left fielding questions and worries from the kids, which you would also rather not do, but it means you’re stuck with all of it.

You need to make equal effort with the kids.

I’d often like to just zone out but you can’t do that when your children are talking to you.

Jesus leave the man alone. He doesn't talk when he's eating, that's it. What's he like as a dad the rest of the time?
Whilst he should be paying attention if something important is said, not everyone likes inane shite whilst they're trying to enjoy their food.

He’s so rude !

“What do you think about that, DH?”

I get it OP. I used to be the one to initiate conversations and ex would be pretty monosyllabic and uninterested. I called his bluff once when we were out and we sat in total silence for ages. He noticed and said ‘what’s wrong’.

Like that Little Britain couple.

My DH is the same and it’s irritating. When DD lived at home, I always felt that I had to keep conversations going at meal times. Having one child is different from a table full of other family members. He is the same when we eat out which I limit now and would prefer to go with others too.
Evening meal has become trays on knees watching the TV. Much less irritating but not what I class as ‘normal.’

Does he ever talk properly to the DC? So is this about opting out of family life? Or different ways of socialising, parenting and organising time?

No, I just talk before and after the food arrives, but don't while I'm eating.

Pretty much this.

I can't converse while eating because I end up with awful indigestion, and for the same reason I hate it when people decide they are going to talk AT me while I'm eating.

What is ‘normal’ ?

Because they are both parents

I think if he wants a life doing what pleases him then he shouldn't have a wife and kids.

Having a partner and (even more so) kids involves compromise. Sometimes doing things you don't want to do because it's the right thing as a partner or parent.

He should be trying to engage with his kids at least.

Personally, it would drive me mad. When we have family round, meals are the hub of family chatter, lively and interesting, the food actually comes a close second to the conversation.

When it's just me and husband at home, we often do our own thing, but when we eat out, it's a social time. That means no phones at the table (my pet hate) and time to catch up on everything.

If your husband has always been like this, I'm afraid it would be rather hopeless at this stage to expect him to change. Men in particular become more set in their ways the older they become.

Children often find it easier to talk about difficult things when it's a less intense setting eg whilst driving somewhere, sharing a task with a parent, or over a meal.

It really doesn't take much brain power to eat - DH has been eating meals with a knife and fork for probably decades. It's not like he's having to solve an engineering problem or a mathematical equation whilst eating - just participating in conversation with his children!

If he's always been like this then he's possibly an introvert, ND, or just plain rude.

None of which is a reason for him to continue to be like this.

Perhaps compromise on certain times when he will participate in mealtime conversation, eg for meals out. But also for some meals just at home.

Compromise - so it's not always what just one of you (DH) wants.

You want to talk during meals - he doesn’t. Why should he change because you prefer something different

Yes, he is imposing all the parenting on OP.

He's failing to parent his children, failing to show them they matter, and failing to teach them normal mealtime behaviour.

I mean, mine forced us to have civilised conversations over the dinner table and I hated it. But I'd far rather have that than be left with the impression that silently staring at the contents of your fork is acceptable!

But isn’t he imposing his way on her?

No. He's not. She's talking to the kids. She can talk to/at him. Hes just not talking.

How is it fair that his way always wins?

You can't make him guilty on a false premise and then complain about unfairness.

The mum probably.

I agree with you OP. My husband was like this when we met, which I found a bit frustrating when out to the restaurant etc, but fair enough. His mum is like that too.

But with kids now he has had to adapt, it would drive me mad if he was ignoring the rest of us whilst I had manage the conversation. And I don't think it's reasonable to tell the kids to stay quiet the entire meal.

I don't like having a conversation while eating. I don't like people talking to me either. Some people don't.

As long as this is the only time and he doesn't ignore you in general.

Because he’s now a parent and his kids are talking to him!!

Oh come on, it's hardly the OP's "way"! It's entirely normal and typical in our culture (in all cultures I'm aware of, other than maybe Trappist monks) to converse and interact while eating - and fairly rude to do otherwise.

I assume everyone who dislikes talking and eating never eats out with other people, or has dinner with non-family?

So he can eat on his own.

Rude