to be sick of silent DH during meals?

What cultures don't talk during mealtimes? All the ones I know well, like Mediterranean and other Central and Eastern European ones take ages over their meals and spend ages speaking! Meals last for hours. No-one is quiet, although they may not be shouting loudly, they just exist in a peaceable chatty way, with children preesent too.

I wouldn't like this OP, but I do agree he isn't going to change. I'd be tempted to do some meals where you all just eat when you want as you aren't actually interacting as a family, I'd do some 'family' and ask him to make an effort to ask questions then, and the odd one out to keep everyone's hand in with social etiquette. I simply can't imagine eating in silence when out in a restaurant, but I think eating fairly quietly at home is fine, even watching TV!

What did he say when you asked him nicely about it?

She knew that he did not talk during meals so what did she expect. She did not say “he does no parenting” during meals that is your invention. But women who complain about the men they chose to marry complaining about an aspect of his character that he has always shown are fools.

Nobody forced her to marry this man. Stop marrying people expecting them to change and complaining when they don’t.

Incessant chattering during meals is tiring and talking with your mouth full is rude. Some conversation yes but I would encourage the children to be quieter not your husband to be noisier.

Never thought this topic could have so much anger thrown at it!

I'm just grateful that me and DH are fully on board with talking before and after meals/courses. Not whilst a hot plate of food is cooling down. We like to enjoy the food hot and have no desire to chat whilst eating.

From a personal POV it's actually important for me to focus during eating as not doing so is the main reason I gained 7.5 st. I've lost it now. But an important part in me not over eating is to focus on the food I'm eating fully and be in tune with full signals, satisfaction and so on. I know full well on busy days when I have to eat on the go my cravings are incredibly strong and I struggle to keep on track.

I have children, and we cope perfectly fine without chatting during meals. If parenting is required, it's done. No one is ignoring it. But chatting is done before and after. Or any time really. We don't just get together over food. We bond in plenty of other ways... walking, games, exercise, reading together and so on.

I actually try not to socialise with food at all. I don't focus our lives around food. DH is in full agreement, hoorah. I think when you've essentially had an eating disorder (over eating leading to obesity) you view things differently. Is that wrong? Or, are we all just different and should be allowed to be so?

Interesting that some think that conversation must be ‘inane’ chatter. I guess those are the ones who do prefer to sit in stony silence. Not very pleasant for the rest of the family though.

I just see it as emotional labour for one half of a couple to have to instigate conversation. In the case of my ex he was massively sociable with everyone else. Just didn’t think I was worth any effort so would prefer to sit and look at his phone and leave me to sort the DC. He did get very unsettled though when I stopped trying and left him to fill the gaps.

People go on dinner dates. Be a bit weird if they sat in silence slowly masticating their meal.

I would hate this but in all honesty probably wouldn't have married someone who wouldn't talk during meals. My DH and I have had so many lovely holidays, trips, date nights etc that included amazing meals where we talked and bonded. When we go for date nights now its a chance to enjoy nice food and talk about non house related stuff etc

When it comes to kids, I feel like showing them a healthy family dynamic over meal times is important. Meals are one the few times in a busy day the family is in one place and has a chance to open up etc and if he's completely checking out of that, that isnt fair.

Have you sat him down, alone, outside of a meal time, and discussed it?

DH eats very fast so doesn't talk when at the table. I stop after a bite or two and ask how everyone's day was. DH will only talk occasionally

Yes- what’s wrong with these people they need to shovel food in as quickly as possible with no distractions? Are they very stupid that their brains can’t possible both process the sensory experience of the food and ask the people they are dining with about their day?

If we assume her DH is a dyed in the wool Englishman raised with middle class manners but is choosing to be rude, I still fall back to OP knew he couldn’t/doesnt do chit chat when he is eating before she married him. A man is not a puppy you can train how you like. You marry him, you accept small quirks
Iike this and shouldn’t be later full of sour grapes over it.

Ok but in British culture, eyes down on your food, no conversation is rude. The OP is raising her dcs in the UK, so it’s social norms here she needs to prepare her dcs for firstly.

Im assuming her dh doesn’t come from a culture where table conversations would be seen as rude, so it doesn’t lower his twat levels that this would be ok in other countries they don’t live in.

In some cultures it is rude to chit chat while eating. You’re meant to focus on the course of food. Between courses you compliment the dishes and relaxing after the meal is when you’re meant to chit chat.

Life skills include being aware there is no one right way to eat a meal.

You knew he was like this when you married him. Why should he change to suit your preferences? You and the DC can save the serious chats for after dinner.

There’s 2 camps hear one likes talking through meals one doesn’t both are reasonable options
if OP wants to to level things up why doesn’t she join him with no conversation around meals

I would hate this. Meals are meant to be convivial, a time to chat and enjoy each other’s company. It’s also a life skill to teach one’s children.

I also find people that are ‘eyes down’ during a meal incredibly unattractive.

Does he make conversation at other times?

He shouldn't be ignoring his kids at any time, regardless of personal foibles around eating.

This thread is truly a glimpse into a world I never knew existed. Had no idea so many people want silence when breaking bread with others, including their own family.

He’s not imposing his way. That would be insisting his wife and children also stay silent.

You say he gets "annoyed"..but ?
What does he actually give as a reason for never talking during meals. I assume you've asked him this as a direct question and hes given you some kind of answer ?

So many people on this thread talking about wanting to be left in silence to 'enjoy my food', or 'he is entitled to enjoy his meal' ... is giving me the ick.

Well OP you can see the surly recalcitrance of those who share your husband’s view.

Most of them wish everyone else would STFU too at meals, and always in fact, while you’re at it.

It isn’t so much that he won’t change- it is that he can’t. Basically this is a social disability that he has and it wouldn’t change if you got run over by a bus. Whatever physical reaction this stirs up in him, for example cringe or ick, it won’t ever stop.
Your best bet is to just accept this as a horrid flaw in his personality, and hope that the rest of him makes it bearable!

This is me. I'll happily chat before the meal, I'll happily chat after the meal, but I'm not chatting during the meal.

I like my food hot, and I like to properly enjoy my food. So while I'm eating, I'm eating, not talking. And if I've finished and DP hasn't, then I'm going to let her enjoy her meal. Nothing wrong with a comfortable silence while we eat, there's 23.5 other hours in the day to talk.

That’s terrible advice! It’s bad enough her dh is rude at dinner /has poor social skills, but don’t teach your dcs to think rudeness and lack of conversation is a good thing!

People who are unable to hold an interesting conversation over dinner are dull. Parents should not be training their children to be dull adults without basic social skills.

It's just another way of opting out of family responsibility though isn't it? I'm sure we'd all like to do other things instead of parenting sometimes. But engaging with your children is parenting and he needs to participate.
I prefer to zone out on the way to work to think abput the day ahead but when I have to drop the children off I need to engage. Having children means putting your own needs on hold sometimes.