to be sick of silent DH during meals?

Does he do his share of parenting in general? Do the children have other chances to speak with him one on one or both of you together to get advice, make him aware of issues they are having? This doesn't have to occur at meal times, although I realise that may initially seem like a convenient time and place. If they routinely have other chances then you could kind of guide them away from bringing heavy issues up at meal times so you do get a break too.

What seems really off to me is that when you try to bring the general issue up away from the table, not picking a fight, and not in front of the children, he gets annoyed. You HAVE to be able to have a serious two-way conversation about this, even if that means his saying he can't talk and eat at the same time or whatever and then the two of you brainstorm ways to compromise or work around it. His just refusing to talk is a big red flag, assuming you've pushed him to talk and made it clear that it's a significant ongoing problem from your perspective and won't resolve itself.

I wouldnt say making small talk at a hairdresser is comparable with speaking to your own children whilst eating a meal.

Im a bit surprised at how many people want to eat in near silence, or not converse when eating. I hate eating on my own and usually put the tv on so I dont have to eat in silence. (Obviously that is my own choice/preference)

However if families have 2 ft working parents, often meal times - and i know not everyone eats at the same time - are one of the few times where everyone might be in the same place. Before or after dinner might be homework/activities, I usually chat to my teens in the car on the way to drop or collect them somewhere but you kind of have to take the opportunities when you get them!

I go to the hairdresser to get my hair cut, I don’t go there to be interrogated which is often the case. I also like to concentrate on my meal and eat it whilst it is hot and fresh without constant interruption. A small amount of talk is fine but I want to eat and enjoy my food.

She chooses to chat with her DC. That’s her choice.

The sour grapes I said to the OP as a way of saying she knew he was not a dinner conversationalist from the day she met him and she still married him, is a lot more polite than your saying ‘twat levels’ or ‘fucking arsed’ or ‘dog ignorant’.
I can’t believe you’d get all hot and bothered about a little ‘sour grapes’ when you have been flinging around the above comments that are far worse.

OP hasn’t said he gets angry, she gets angry because he eats without chit chat.

Also you’re getting mixed up because it can’t be good old British culture and life skill to make conversation at dinner AND be a good old British Victorian patriarchal thing to stay silent at dinner. The cultural norm is based on the Victorian patriarchal norm of the head of the table, daddy dearest, instigating dinner conversation and directing it where he likes. Your are the one pushing for the patriarchal norm. Not me.

You already knew this about him before you married him and decided to marry him anyway

Good grief im not saying the whole time but enough to have a bit of bloody peace for a few minutes while you eat. Obviously you've not had my DD1 who can and does prattle on incessantly. Isn't 10 mins break in a whole evening while you eat acceptable?

Is he otherwise chatty? before and after meals? This changes things.

There is a happy medium where you talk a bit but are able to eat your meal whilst it is hot. There is plenty of time to chat in the rest of the day. Some talk over a meal is fine but not incessant chatter and no talking with your mouth full.

I’m with you op. Mine never shuts up but he always engages the children asking them about their day, and imo mealtimes should be about both enjoying food and communication.

Kind of suggests he knows he's an antisocial prat at home, and doesn't want other people to see the real him.

But continues the cycle of an unsociable attitude to dining where meal times are simply seen as an opportunity to refuel rather than a pleasurable time spent together.

This is exactly what happens in our family.
Often DH seems to have no idea people are even talking , let alone following the thread of the conversation!

However, he does (and always has - pre kids) chat over meals if we go to a restaurant.

What happens if you go out for a meal with family or friends? Is he the same then?

It would drive me nuts. Rude and antisocial.

didn’t you read the OP’s post? She has to be the parent who talks to her dc every mealtime, whether she wants to or not. She is cooperating and making concessions every day. Her h isn’t doing that at all.

Yeah this is one of the “why did you marry him?” situations. While not the biggest crime of course, I totally get why it’s annoying - conversation over food (and drink!) is such an important relaxation for me, I wouldn’t have got beyond date 2 or 3. Not sure it’s fair to make him change now but I’m intrigued to know why he does it. If you could get to the bottom of that it might be less annoying?

I get it OP. My DH is like this. He just shuts off from what is around him. It is tough because the kids tell him stuff that is important to them over dinner and he is literally not listening and completely blanks them. He can’t recall what they said later either so he ends up being insensitive by saying something like “aren’t you looking forward to seeing your friends tomorrow” when DS has previously discussed a difficult friendship issue the night before. He also completely tuned out on car drives or plane trips or whatever. It means that I have to be always “on” and frequently have to update DH on the kids lives about stuff they have actually told him.

For those saying “well he was like this before you married him “ , before we married I didn’t have half the mental load, kids jabbering at me constantly and the extra effort of preparing a family meal. Women have to step up when kids arrive but apparently we are mean for expecting men to do the same.

OP, what happens if you directly ask him a question during a meal? If he just ignores you, that's rude.

😂

It's not what we do, or have ever done, but I don't think it would bother me and I wouldn't find it rude at all.

I'd be annoyed at him ignoring the children though and would be telling him that.

I dunno, I think it should be more socially acceptable to ignore your children 😂

I don't get why anyone is saying that your DH is in the right here OP. He is actively ignoring his DC. That's never OK.

He fully enjoys the food he eats and is the only time of the day he doesn’t chat?

What an absolute bastard

I don’t talk at the dinner table either. I don’t mind the kids having a chat but excessive chatting is not allowed. We play card games on an evening, that’s a better time to talk.

What to have to shut up and eat for 10 mins? Seems a reasonable thing to teach. Hardly joyless

You could tell the kids to be quiet for 10 mins