to be sick of silent DH during meals?

My guess the crossover will be quite high with people who parent with phrases like “empty vessels…” and “better to be thought a fool…” . The ones who love their children so much more when they are silent /asleep/ somewhere else.

Listen to who? You mean the op needs to redirect the conversation to pleasant trivialities and maintain that since the whole thread is about her husband pretends to be a deaf mute at meals, so he’s not going to carry this and she’s hardly going to be catching up on his day or engaging in light conversation with the other adult or sharing the load.

From a child that was brought up by a don't speak unless spoken to dad who routinely ignored us. I felt unheard and unloved and I can tell you from experience this is worse. Being ignored is so damaging to self esteem and self worth

Certainly not for me.

YANBU I'd love to eat a meal in peace, but I can't, becuase I have kids. I also can't drive in silence or walk at a pace I want or many other things. Becuase I'm a parent and kids need your input in their lives. By ignoring everyone he's leaving the meal time parenting to you. But you know that won't change. So make it even by making him in charge of another times parenting. When you can sit in peace and he is charge of answering questions etc.

He can use words to "signal" that, then. He's not a horse or a dog.

Some conversation is fine but I don't want to have to gulp down a mouthful of food to answer endless questions. You can talk after eating or between courses if out. Most people have some conversation during a meal, but given that the OP wishes she could eat her meal in peace some times it sounds more sensible to encourage the children to eat their meal and have time for a family chat round the table when everyone has finished, and the chat being everyone gets to talk not just the children. Children need to learn to listen as well as talk.

Could be polar opposites, too. Criticising for eating vs criticising for not pretending food is a secondary purpose and it's all about the conversation, not the calories.

Wondering if there's a crossover in the pps who use
Jabbering, nattering, yapping, inane chatter, lip smacking etc
With those on other threads who describe eating as scoffing, shovelling, stuffing, etc!

those that don’t like talking at mealtimes…what do you do when you go out with your partner or whoever for a meal in a restaurant, just sit there in silence?! How boring!

Obviously I get it, but my point is if he was always like this then that is who he is and she can't really complain now if it didn't bother her in the past.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to berate him for not talking, if that’s how he was brought up and that’s how he feels comfortable. If he was barking at the rest of you for talking and demanding silence, that would be unacceptable, but it doesn’t sound like he is. He just prefers to eat quietly. Leave him be, as long as he’s not blanking you or the children when he isn’t eating.

Come on, it's an attempt at training him by restricting and rewarding with food - like my ex did with me, children and dogs to make the former two speak on command, all to perform as he wished - and to show dominance.

Food shouldn't be a weapon or a means of punishment or control and a kid growing up seeing mum telling dad he could only have a tiny bit until he performs, then he can have some more, is likely to grow up with at least anxiety around mum and food.

Then theres the time before dinner, in between dinner and dessert and after dinner. It's not necessary to be jabbering on constantly asking questions while people are eating

Or they can chat to each other. It's 10 minutes max out of an evening. Unless it's life or death then not a need

Where does it say the children's food is restricted?
Or husbands at that it says small portion first then chat then second helpings no restriction and there was other options.
It was more about a break in the middle to talk then he can fill up.
Obviously you misunderstood or didn't read this correctly for the way it was intended.

Neither should. So you conpromise.

The dh speaks a bit at dinner time or he takes specific days where he deals with the childrens chatter

The op has meals where she contributes little and meals where she deals with all the chatter.

A gkkd comprose leaves nobody happy.

Completely not okay that he ignores his children over a mealtime. That’s one of the key moments of the day to be present and all together! Say to him he clearly can’t multitask so maybe he should wait to have his food until after the rest of the family have finished and got down from the table. It’ll be cold but then but that’s his problem!

I’ve never met any family that all sit around eating in silence!

You can sit and chat after the meal. I don't mind talking during a meal, but I'm a slow eater so things go cold. I also often choke if I'm trying to talk and eat so I prefer to concentrate on my meal.

He obviously doesn't like talking while eating, so you need to bring those conversations up at a different time.

Yep we have the same thing over here, but I explicitly say it's not ok you get to just zone out and eat your meal in peace.

We were raised to be totally quiet at mealtimes whilst the adults talked. I’m old now,but still find it difficult to converse.

Team DH. Tell your DC that you're eating in peace and will chat in a minute.

How is your DC managing to eat if they are talking about worries at that time. Set aside 10 minutes of dedicated worrying and problem solving. It is not good to get into the habit of ruminating and circular conversations that disrupt the whole family routine.

How do you think children get their emotional/ connection needs met? 🫠Dinner time is usually when a family comes back together after being apart all day. You sound like a children seen and not heard kind of person

But also actually I’d not include him on eating out, and consider not including him on meals at home if he doesn’t step up. No more all convenience for him if he doesn’t want to participate.

Why should he? I love sleeping in but I have kids so I don’t get to. I love lots of things I don’t get to do because I have children who need me, why does this man get to offload the demands of family time to his wife? I’d book yourself out for dinner once a week op , say to him I don’t appreciate how you opt out of parenting at dinner time, so I’m opting out of family dinner once a week and leaving you to it. I hope you respect that I still carry the majority load here, having to talk ti your own children one meal a week is a drop in the ocean.