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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be sick of silent DH during meals?

237 replies

Bubblewrappery · 01/03/2026 11:26

DH has always been like this and I'm now totally sick of it.

Every meal time he will focus on his food and ignore any conversation. It's as though he comes up for air at the end and might then acknowledge us. He doesn't eat quickly and his manners are otherwise fine, but this is really, really pissing me off.

We have two DC and one in particular is a chatter. Every single mealtime, it's me fielding her questions; commenting on things the DC say; adding to the conversation etc, etc. He just sits and eats, barely even noticing us.

We went out for DS's birthday meal yesterday, and I was furious because, yet again, DH just ate and ignored. It wasn't a cheap meal and I would have liked some company from him!

Over the years I bring this up (as do the DC), but he just gets annoyed,

AIBU to expect him to contribute to conversation?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 01/03/2026 11:38

I hate talking while eating too.

Imisscoffee2021 · 01/03/2026 11:38

Some people do find it really hard to concentrate while eating, I am becoming increasingly like this and not sure why. I find I can't seem to hear my husband if I'm chewing a mouthful of food and he's talking 😅 I also hate when I'm chewing and he asks a questions then looks at me while I chewing waiting for a reply gaah! Obviously talking before or after or perhaps putting down cutlery and joining in a chat would be ideal but some people do just find it hard to do both things and do a half job at both you know.

Zov · 01/03/2026 11:37

grumpygrape · 01/03/2026 11:36

You say he's always been like this so you are unreasonable to expect him to change.
What's that saying about men marrying and hoping their wife won't change and women marrying and hoping their husbands will change ?

Yeah, in that saying. BOTH are unreasonable!

Original poster
Bubblewrappery · 01/03/2026 11:37

No, I don't think he'll change.

The thing is, it means that I can't ever have a quiet meal, when I'd like to. Why should he be able to have zero contribution and leave me to it. We can't both be silent and totally ignore the DC, and but we could share out the chat and the quiet!

Why should DH's preferences trump the idea of cooperation?

OP posts:
Timeforchai · 01/03/2026 11:37

Bubblewrappery · 01/03/2026 11:35

Just to add - the conversation can sometimes be about things a DC is worried about, so it's not all light-hearted chat, and I could do with his input. I don't think he even listens in. It's really bloody annoying.

Since you know he won’t talk during the meal, can you put aside a different time to discuss these issues together ?
Mealtimes are not the only time you can talk.

grumpygrape · 01/03/2026 11:36

You say he's always been like this so you are unreasonable to expect him to change.
What's that saying about men marrying and hoping their wife won't change and women marrying and hoping their husbands will change ?

Zov · 01/03/2026 11:36

OMG I would love for my DH to just STFU during mealtimes and not jibber jabber on! He talks constantly and keeps looking over at me to answer when my mouth's full of food! So IMO YABU @Bubblewrappery Just eat your food! If you are so unhappy with him not chatting, just eat away from him - on a tray in front of the TV or something!

lllamaDrama · 01/03/2026 11:36

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2026 11:32

Some people equally hate talking whilst eating, I think it'd quite rude to impose your way, he is entitled to enjoy his meal the way he prefers imo.

Does he talk to the children before and after the meal?

But isn’t he imposing his way on her? Why aren’t you accusing him of rudeness? How is it fair that his way always wins?

Timeforchai · 01/03/2026 11:35

As above. He should be allowed to enjoy his meal as he sees fit. If he’s always been that way he’s not going to change.

Original poster
Bubblewrappery · 01/03/2026 11:35

Just to add - the conversation can sometimes be about things a DC is worried about, so it's not all light-hearted chat, and I could do with his input. I don't think he even listens in. It's really bloody annoying.

OP posts:
chateauneufdupapa · 01/03/2026 11:34

YANBU but also it sounds like he’s always been like this so he won’t change now…

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2026 11:32

Some people equally hate talking whilst eating, I think it'd quite rude to impose your way, he is entitled to enjoy his meal the way he prefers imo.

Does he talk to the children before and after the meal?