Why are ppl excusing rude /

Exactly. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, only your own. Both the things you complain about could be resolved by you acting differently, rather than speculating about the possible neurodivergence of the people doing them.

I read comments all the time and make bets with myself that the word ‘neurodivergent’ is going to appear.
All the time we make excuses for people’s behaviour, they’re never going to change 🙄

Your neighbour is an easy one to solve, just tell her to bugger off.

Should sort it.

You seem to be strongly suggesting it is indeed who 'some people' are

Just a thought. Reading your further posts, have you ever considered that you might be neuro divergent or have ASD?

Your inability to socially navigate the situation with your neighbour.

Your belligerence about your colleague and being bothered by something so minor as her listening to a work conversation?

you seem holy unwilling to take any criticism andAutistic individuals often experience
intense sensitivity to criticism (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) due to brain differences,

Just a thought.

You are being ignorant

I have aspergers.

Directness works for me every single time.

I’m 47 and only in the last four years have I got to grips with when somebody says we must catch up/do something together They don’t always mean it😆🙈

Knowing peoples boundaries and rules actually make life easier for me.

I get what you mean I was talking about the benefits of breastfeeding very factually on MN and somebody came on and said what happens if someone who can’t feed reads this and gets offended. The thread was literally about why you breastfed so I listed the scientifically proven factual benefits. As if we must censor ourselves to allow for others who might take offence/have a problem.

With your neighbour Simply say I’m sorry it’s not convenient right now and close the door.

You are part of the problem if you actually let her in…..

Your colleague, I’m not so sure you should give the benefit of any doubt. If she’s junior, then she should be managed accordingly and given the work she is required to do.

Teachers cannot diagnose neurodivergence though.

Behavioural issues can appear in NT children as well as ND and schools cannot just chuck them out of school at the drop of a hat in either case, much as I am sure they would like to sometimes. I work in a secondary school and ND children do indeed face consequences for disruptive behaviour. They are not allowed to do whatever they like and say "but ND". Maybe in an utterly shit school they are but it shouldn't be the case

Neurodivergence is literally who someone is.

I'm/he/she/they are ND/on the spectrum/neurospicy I would go out on a limb to say is almost always complete bullshit.

People just can't be arsed to put the effort in these days to be decent members of society, and it's a handy get out of jail card.

Compounding that, if you can get your child a diagnosis you are eligible for a pretty high rate of DLA, so those parents of 'ND' kids will fight tooth and nail to keep it. I have personal experience of an ex friend who 'guided' her children's behaviour in such a way to claim full DLA for both. They were ill mannered shits, but perfectly normal kids.

I volunteer in the sector and meet lots of genuinely autistic children. It is a huge insult to these kids and their families when little Timmy throws his water bottle at a teacher's head, but it's ok because he's ND FFS.

Agree with the poster who said about schools. Every bit of bad behaviour is put down to possible neurodivergence. In my school we do have people (children and staff) who are genuinely neurodivergent and there are accommodations made for them. There are also children with no diagnosis or any of the main traits who swear at people, attack people, smash windows, rip wall displays and management simply say “maybe they are ND?” There seem to be no repercussions for appalling behaviour that distracts others from learning, leaves people scared/upset and leaving the impression that all ND people are thugs (when I find that generally the opposite is true).

Why would you even care what the neighbour thinks - she clearly does not give a shit about how she comes across to you!

But generally I do agree with your point - some people are just absolute twats and nothing else

Given you said you know very little about ASD, your opinion on whether or not these people are NT holds very little weight indeed.

I agree, adults should be able to be pleasant regardless of autism. My sisters BF is autistic and he is nasty to us and ruins family events. This isn't an autism thing, its being a massive prick thing but of course my sister makes excuses for him because of his LDs.

It’s because most neurotypicals are people pleasers so don’t say exactly how they feel. Most neurodivergents can’t read between the lines or interpret hints.

This is on you to be clear with your expectations. NDs may not understand boundaries and may be more direct with their feelings, that often comes across as rude but that’s not the intention.

If it’s not convenient for your neighbour to come in, then tell her. If your colleague wants to look at your work, then ask why.

Hmmm the first woman is very rude even if on the spectrum. You need to be really blunt with her. The second woman also rude but not such a big deal. I would be clear with her too "we do not need you to check our work Gladys - that is rude and unnecessary. Please stop doing it".

However, you can't stop her listening to your chat though or make her join in. That is where you are being a bit U if that is seriously your complaint. If you chat in front of someone, they may hear. If you work with someone it doesn't mean they have to be your buddy.

When people "excuse" behaviour, and let people continue behaving badly, whether or not that person is on the spectrum, they are not being kind or doing the right thing. You need to let them know you do not like their behaviour. Don't be a people pleaser or expect them to pick up on social cues. Tell them directly.

But sometimes ASD does explain behaviour. It doesn't mean unwanted behaviour is ok though. How do you think children with ASD get on in schools? Do the teachers just say "oh autism" and let them do whatever? No, they do not. They (ideally) make reasonable adjustments and also correct behaviour without getting all bosom hoiky about Gladys listening to their conversation without joining in.

So there is a balance to be had I think

You letting a neighbour monopolise your time and home is not the same as someone being abused, you have and always have had the power to not answer the bloody door.
You aren't here to fix her.