I’ve just completely lost it with my daughter

I don't blame you for your reaction . She sounds relentless in her demands and to be honest I don't think this has anything to do with autism ( I have a diagnosed son and grandson ) maybe tomorrow sit her down and tell her nothing else will be bought for her for ( insert your own number of months ) and that you won't be changing your mind. She will probably kick off but don't back down . Hope you get a better sleep soon .

What sort of things did you say to her? Dragging her from her bed and screaming at her is pretty bad. She sounds infuriating but you know you can’t risk this happening again. It’s extreme behaviour. Do you have a partner or husband? What do they say? Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Im not sure this is a good post for AIBU 🫤

Shes 11. She knows fine rightly its naughty behaviour to shout out mums name at bed time and be a wee toad.

You haven't traumatised her, hopefully she realised she pushed it too far

You said she shrugged and got back in to bed, doesn't sound like she was that traumatised by it. However, you can always apologise to her tomorrow if you think you went too overboard. That doesn't mean you will allow her behaviour to continue. Start putting proper consequences in place for when she doesn't listen to you.

You may have to explicitly teach her conversation rules. "When someone says no, you can't ask for that thing again." "People will find it rude if you keep asking for things."

You can combine this with techniques like getting get to make wishlist (though you'll need to be clear she might not necessarily get everything on them." Could you give her a set amount a month she can spend on things she wants?

My autistic DS will often get stuck asking for stuff/moaning about things he hasn't got when he's tired, anxious, otherwise disregulated. I find it helps to name the pattern, "I think you might be asking for these things because you're feeling a bit tired and sad."

Everyone only has finite patience and none of us are saints. It's not ideal you shouted, but also she does need to learn that her behaviour will anger other people.

Money like this we have a token system. We used to use a pot with real tokens as they earned them that got cashed in at the end of the week, now we use rooster app.

Teens have apps in their phones for rooster account. So they can see the exact money.

This

I’d also be returning the world book day outfit and she could go in school uniform.

And I don't blame you for screaming at her.

It can be.

Meh she got a bollocking. Austistic or not, all kids will need one at some point. I think don’t worry about it. She’ll live.

No idea if this would work but can you ignore her if she repeatedly asks? Like the first time, say "We'll get them tomorrow/next week/when you've had 6 sessions" or whatever. And then if she asks again, say "I haven't forgotten, I know you want them and we'll get them tomorrow/next week/whatever but if you ask again I'm not going to answer". And then after than don't even engage?

Hi
Bloody hard parenting.kids even more so nd kids
With mine we have the rule. Ifnthey have asked for somehting and it has been disxussed and decided that a) we cant afford it or b) we have told them when we will get it, if they then constantly ask whatever it is gets cancelled if its been ordered or if been told we can't afford it, I start removing electronic time or they go to bed earlier.

Thats not to say it all doesnt fqll apart at times and we have the odd screaming matches (like today when I could have happily chucked teen through a wall with attitude and rudeness)

Sounds like more of a sensory overload or overwhelmed from yourself and you've lost it. Not the same, but my nearly 4yo is suspected autistic (awaiting diagnosis but it's obvious to anyone) quite severely, non verbal.. he hangs off me, all day. Constantly hitting me, kicking me, pinching me, hitting himself, banging and kicking walls etc. I get so so stressed and overwhelmed because it's constant.. sending solidarity. I don't think your being unreasonable, I think your touched out and sometimes us SEN mums just lose it. I know I do.

You need to give her firm guidelines about how she asks for things. Does she get pocket money? My DS is very similar and I refuse to entertain it. He can save his pocket money otherwise I’m not interested.

As she’s autistic, knowing a routine may benefit. Pick a specific day/date for each month, add it to a wall calendar and label it shopping day. Show it to her, and she can then write on the calendar anything that she thinks she needs purchased on this day. You could go shopping together or sit together and buy online.

Explain to her, nothing is bought on any other day of the month, just on shopping day.

I think you need to find a way to meet both of your needs.

can you give her a notebook and anything she wants to discuss with you she writes down if you’re sleeping or busy? And then you have set times in her routine where you look at the diary and discuss her points?
why is she awake so late, if you have a partner they should be guarding your door!

I’am very clear with my son and use clear language.

‘I’m putting a boundary in place with this’

’This is a boundary line, you’re trying to cross it. I won’t allow you to do that’

‘I won’t tolerate you crossing this boundary, if you continue, there will be a consequence’

Is this the first time you’ve done this?

How is she now? Has she stopped?

I would try and look at the desire for ‘stuff’ as a symptom.

It seems like she’s trying to fill a void with things. And of course it doesn’t work.

Does she have hobbies, an outlet for her emotions etc?