For feeling upset that my aunt involved my estranged parents after I asked for help?

If your aunt went round/phoned up and your dad was there, she may have found it awkward to get your mum on her own and have considered your mum would tell
your dad anyway, so not much difference.

I think you are annoyed with your dad messaging you and projecting this annoyance, but it was probably inevitable however your aunt told your mum.

You can’t have a boundary on what other people do. Your boundary is your own.

I think you were unrealistic here I’m sorry.

Depends really on what these “past serious family issues” no one can really say whether it was right or not for your dad to reach out. At the end of the day you approached family for money, agreed your mum could be contacted and presumably she is still married to your father and is therefore party to any financial support required. You are an adult. You made a very adult decision to cut family off and therefore that means not going cap on hand for money - stand by your decisions if you feel them to be so right

If my niece came to me asking for a substantial amount of money for rent they are behind on, I would involve their parents too.
As aunt, it’s not my job to bank role my nieces & nephews. YABU.

You are an adult who asked your aunt for help not sure why she needed to involve your parents she either needed to say yes or no
But as soon as she said about speaking to your mum I’d assume your dad would get to know too if they are still together.
All you can do now is shut the conversation down and find another way to get the money (extra work or sell something?) or speak to your landlord about a partial payment and to pay the rest over the next few months.

You can’t be NC and still want them to give you money 🤷‍♀️

You are expecting too much of your Aunt, who clearly just wanted to make sure you get the support you need. You can’t put people in awkward situations and then dictate how they deal with it. You can’t insist that married couples keep secrets from each other, even if they are your own parents.

I think you’re asking for money so you can’t dictate what your aunt does.

@Gottogetmyflyzone The OP agreed that her aunt could tell her Mum.

She said she felt I shouldn’t handle this alone and suggested speaking to my mum so they could work together to help. I agreed she could speak to my mum about the rent situation.

@ByAmberRobin I can understand why you’re upset, but your parents’ accounts may be joint so it could be difficult for your Mum to just quietly give you money ( I’m assuming you need at least several hundred). Plus your Mum is worried about you and your Dad will be the first person she’ll turn to.

I hope things get easier for you soon. 💐

It should have been kept between you and your aunt, ideally involving neither of your parents. Sorry this happened though 💐

Your mum telling your dad isn’t your aunt’s fault. However, her telling your mum is.

You now have to decide if you want to estrange yourself from your aunt.

Eh?

where did I even say that? 😳

Her DAD said she could.

If they are still together then your dad is your mum's partner. It wouldn't be right for her to keep secrets from, especially involving his family and especially involving money.

You can still leave a voicemail if you’re blocked. The person’s phone just doesn’t ring out.

Where does OP say she's going to go home?

You are the one wanting money and yet you are the ones pulling the string

If you want to be independent from your parents then do so and dont involve people that are related to them, you have no right to dictate what she says or does

I don't think you can dictate what your Aunt does, especially while asking her for money.

If you were happy for your mum to know, then it was obvious your dad would hear about it too.

This.
She was very wrong to do this.
Of course she couldn't stop your mother telling your father anyway.

You say in your OP that you are estranged from your parents, but then it seems that you would have been happy to take money from your mum as long as your dad wasn't told?

Obviously, we don't know the reasons for the estrangement, but it seems to me that, if you want to be NC with them, then that really needs to include not relying on them for money.

How did your dad manage to message you?

Unless your parents are divorced and don't speak to eachother, yabu to expect anything to be shared with your mum but kept secret from your dad. Of course they aren't going to keep secrets from eachother. You seem to be assuming a huge amount of telepathy from your family members expecting them to know what you want without explicitly telling them. You have the right to

be nc with your parents but you have to take responsibility for enforcing the boundaries for that, not expecting others to do the work.

If my niece or nephew came to me asking for a substantial amount of money because they’d got into a situation with a landlord, I might tell their parents. Even if NC. If I thought it was the best thing to do. Rather than see them get further into trouble.

It depends on why you are NC and what has gone on.

If your mum and dad are still together then surely by telling your aunt she could talk to your mum you knew your dad would also be involved? Or are your parents split up?

But that OP needs her aunt’s money.

I disagree. It’s not fair to drag your aunt into your problems and expect her to keep it secret. That’s making her choose sides. She’s tried to help you but, rightly, isn’t prepared to keep it secret. Same for your mum.